living just ain’t what it used
to be

because you’re not
next to me

without the love of a Queen
a house can’t be a home

& if i can’t live life with you
then I’d rather live life alone  - Pencasso

I got anger, anxiety, & depression sitting right next to me
reaching out to an old love but she refuses to text me
I could never let someone know exactly what I’m thinking
take a trip thru my mind just to see how it’s depressing
Loneliness, heartbreak, pain, & depression mixed with alcohol
fading in & out of anxiety just waiting until the day I fall
It’s been almost a lifetime since I remember being happy
always full of tears, can’t recall a moment of me truly smiling
Can’t let a woman into my heart without pushing her away
cause I’m afraid that if I love her for real then she won’t bother to stay
Flying thru my thoughts & can’t seem to find a place to land
but there’s no need for you love me cause my mind you won’t understand
Family telling me to cool out before I lose my mind & go insane
feeling like it won’t be long before I take a gun to blow my brains
Side note, I think I found someone who really wants to see my smile
& I’m too afraid to let her love me cause that real love hasn’t been felt in a while

☆ Poetic Venom ☆

I woke this morning feeling good & ready to start my day
Washed up, got dressed, then got on my knees to pray
Asked God to look after everyone I love, to keep em safe
And to make today a great beautiful day
As I proceed with my daily activities, I start getting this bad feeling
Like something was about to occur, either a tragedy or another senseless killing
But as soon as I’m enjoying myself as always, something tells me to check my phone
I open Instagram only to see the saddest news, another King knocked from the throne
Jahseh Dwayne Ricardo Onfroy has been pronounced dead, gunned down in his car
As soon as I’m healed from depression, here comes another unexpected scar
A guidance to many, hated by many, but his message recognized by a large few
And the same ones who hated were now the ones showing love, what’s new?
Trapped in this cold world, you were the light that overshadowed the darkness
This world needed a new direction of guidance & you were the one to spark it
Lost your life in a senseless way but your music & message will live eternally
Only thing is that your bright side will now shine over the madness
Still an empty place in the hearts of the family that your music was the answer to their sadness
Long live a King on a mission to save himself as well as those who’ve followed his lead
Rest in Paradise & thank you for giving those such as myself the faith to believe

☆ Poetic Venxm ☆

Our separation still has a huge impact on my heart
Looking for you in other places but still not sure where to start

I know you’ll probably question why I’m looking for you in someone else
or why I’m trying to love someone like I love you as if your love ever left

I don’t think you realize how much an impact you made in my life
or in the many ways I wanted to start over but there was too much to sacrifice
like trying to love someone else when I’m still head over heels for you
or even trying to crown them my Queen when my heart never stopped adoring you

I’m looking for that smile in someone else but I always come up short
Looking for your comfort but fail to get that same type of support

I’m looking for your type of love in various places & I get mad when I keep losing
Travelling that same highway in a different ride but I’m not moving
Looking for your happiness in another fairytale but it ends in a nightmare
because I realize that I won’t find you anywhere else & to you, it’s not fair
to find another you in someone else when you’re one in a million, once in a lifetime
so I guess I’ll have your love back in my heart all in due time.

- Poetic Venom

Our separation still has a huge impact on my heart
Looking for you in other places but still not sure where to start

I know you’ll probably question why I’m looking for you in someone else
or why I’m trying to love someone like I love you as if your love ever left

I don’t think you realize how much an impact you made in my life
or in the many ways I wanted to start over but there was too much to sacrifice
like trying to love someone else when I’m still head over heels for you
or even trying to crown them my Queen when my heart never stopped adoring you

I’m looking for that smile in someone else but I always come up short
Looking for your comfort but fail to get that same type of support

I’m looking for your type of love in various places & I get mad when I keep losing
Travelling that same highway in a different ride but I’m not moving
Looking for your happiness in another fairytale but it ends in a nightmare
because I realize that I won’t find you anywhere else & to you, it’s not fair
to find another you in someone else when you’re one in a million, once in a lifetime
so I guess I’ll have your love back in my heart all in due time.

- Poetic Venom

It’s been a few years since we spoke but your effect still exist
Cause there’s no way someone could leave me scarred like this
Chasing women for my own pleasure & avoiding like this
Or even living the lie of a ******* & breaking hearts like this
Didn’t ask to be this way or portray myself in such a way
Just wanted a future with you but you decided to walk away
And now I’m attached a memory that I wish I could replay
Seeing your face in various faces of women that I’m trying to date
Look What You Did To Me Turned me from a lover to a player
Becoming a savage that I never saw myself as & the ultimate heart slayer
I wanted it all but after you, I’ve become love’s biggest bipolar hater
Just seeking hit & runs while I’m out here getting this paper
Look What You Did To Me, Can’t look at the sun because it reminds me of you
How you used to be happy & how I brought a different smile out of you
The late night phone conversations that I never wanted to end
But somewhere down the road, you became my enemy rather than my best friend
How’d I manage to become close with your sister while we got departed
Asking her how you’re doing & if you’re okay just to see if it’ll get something started
High school sweetheart crush that never officially my everything
Just another “for the time being” that meant more to me than anything
Missing that smile, missing those eyes, & missing that voice
Thinking of the night we last spoke & I still rejoice
Look What You Made Me Do. Pushing away any love that comes my way
All because I still hope you return & save my day
I don’t have faith in much but I still think you’re a dream come true
And still till this day, my heart will forever be apart of you

I’ve been tripping for years, that’s been causing you tears
loving me more than yourself just to lose me, that’s a fear
How could I be so foolish to get what I wanted & let it go
got the diamond in a rough but failed to watch it glow
Beautiful distractions & the attention that I’m not used to
meanwhile I’m giving you worries if my love will even choose you
Falling for these minute trailers only to ignore the future presentation
like I don’t even care for the main event, the opening act is the key attraction
How stupid of me to avoid the apple of my eye for that forbidden fruit
& if I lose that love, I think quick of the perfect excuse
Will I regret it or forget it? Win her back or just let her go?
Will I ever change my ways or just remain stuck in my ways?
Always tried to do the right thing until it got old
but someone came along to change a heart that’s been cold
Question is, am I already too far to gone to even come back from lust
to actually let someone love me knowing there’s no one I trust
☆ Poetic Venom ☆

Losing You;
was the best blessing God ever gave me
all you’ve ever done was taught me how to hate me

Losing You;
I never thought the day would come sooner
trying to keep someone temporarily & create a future

Losing You;
destroyed me at first but I didn’t realize
your kind of love was only meant to leave me paralyzed

Losing You;
I thought you took my heart
because I couldn’t love myself, your departure tore me apart

Losing You;
was a blessing unexpected
& I regret trying to fix something that was better off disconnected

heartbreak ahead
all signs ignored
no love to be found
the damage happens early
but I don’t stop the fall
delusional, I might be
crazy in love & empty
the pain is strong
the love is stronger
but although it breaks me
this love is where I belong

- Pencasso

Within your love, I lost myself
Loving you more than I loved myself
You had your doubts but so did I
fearing our love would never be able to fly
I wasn’t fully recovered from a past love
you were still broken from a current love
Somehow our paths crossed & we fell in love
but who knew that we’d fall outta love

I lost myself trying to make it work but it caused more hurt
all the arguments, the fighting, & break ups
I was more focused on showing you what I saw & forgot about me
but you never failed to make me feel like you were better without me
But what hurts the most is not being myself anymore
can’t think straight or sleep anymore
Up at 2am, stuck in my thoughts, but I can’t shed a tear
so I play it off like I don’t even care
But my biggest issue was loving you too much & me not enough

☆ Poetic Venxm ☆

I spent my whole life putting other people before me
Doing whatever it took to prove my love for the same ones to ignore me
Battled with depression more than often, losing myself thru their back stabbing
Carrying this smile on my face but not one ever really noticed I was faking
I doubted myself & questioned if I was the one who was worthless
Trying to change myself just for these people to see me as “perfect”
My biggest regret was trying to change who I was for their acceptance
They didn’t want my real love or my heart, it was always neglected
But then I made a change & placed myself before everyone else, I saw a change
People walking outta my life due to my selfishness but I’m on a new page
Got tired of reading old chapters, getting used to the way things badly ended
Making enemies outta the same ones whose vibe I befriended
I was being dragged thru hell for too long but now I’m losing people as I find my true identity
No longer letting those who don’t love me destroy & break me down mentally
I had more than 20 friends I cared for, now I can barely name 5 who stuck around
I guess when you focus more on you then them, you start to see who’s really down
I lost myself trying to please everyone & doing the most to be that perfect being
I’m more happy than I’ve ever been, Lord knows it’s the most beautiful feeling
Gaining little pieces of my life back, gathering pieces of my heart back
And I have yet to lose a friend that I would want back

☆ Poetic Venxm ☆

Love doesn’t Love the way Love used to Love
but I’m not sure if we should Blame Love
cause it’s not Love that’s changed
it’s the ones who gave Love but never got Love back that’s changed
it’s the ones who had all the Love in the world to give
but never got the same Love back given to them
when those who Seek Love don’t really want Love
they’re on the Hunt for Lust
the type of Lust that doesn’t come attached with Love
the type that’s caused Pain cause they don’t know Love
Sneaky Links & hook ups, that’s that new age Love
the Pleasure for the Moment then you’re on to the next Love
settle for the Love in those who don’t confess Love
but I need that Old School Love
that Love before the 2000s Love
that Baby you are my Shining Star & don't you Go Away Love
that I'm Saving All My Love for you Love
that Meet me at the Alter in your white dress Love
that Here & Now, I promise to Love faithfully Love
that You are my Lady & you got me Feenin’ Love
that All My Life, I prayed for the one like you
that we Cry Together because I Love you Love

Love is Pain, Love is Hell
Love is finding that feeling that has yet to prevail
Love is Tears, Love is Horror
Love is the one thing we all want but remains undiscovered
Love is Depression, Love is Loneliness
Love is having those Hands of Love catch you when you reach your lowest
Love is Smiles, Love is Sadness
Love is that one drug with many side effects but everyone has to have it
Love is Heartbreak, Love is the Crying Rains
Love is the Midnight Thoughts & the Tears flowing down the Soul’s Window Pane
Love is the Tears of Joy, Love is the Dreams we get lost in
Love is either a Dream Come True or our Worst Nightmare
Love is the one thing in this world we hope to obtain although having causes a scare

Poetic Venom

True story of this love interest that I fell for from a distance
catching her attention with my verbal charm but we couldn’t even kick it
Married to a man who barely gives her attention
then I came along with everything except the one thing that’s missing
What did I get myself into? I told her I love her but this love ain’t that simple
I got plans for you although my heart can’t be with you
Got you texting me from 7am to 9pm until you lay next to him
with this huge smile on your face but no thanks to him
He tells you he’s working late sometimes & doesn’t come home until midnight
or he lies about his whereabouts after y’all fall out from a verbal fight
You keep telling me you wanna leave him for me but I beg you not to
simply because I’m not the man of your dreams or the perfect one to love you
cause when I think about it, we talk *** more than we talk love
which makes me ask if you truly desire lust or just want me cause you don’t feel loved
Been riding this wave for 3 months & i think things are getting serious between us
both falling foolishly in love with this wall standing between us
You’re confused not knowing who you wanna be with the most
& I advise you to stay where you are being that his heart is your host
I’m just a guest creeping in the house exciting your walls
breaking em down with every visit & the effects of it makes you crawl
Legs weak, hormones raging, thoughts racing, & the bed squeaking
lips making love endlessly while I keep your rivers leaking
But if at any minute you feel like making love is wrong, we can call it quits
cause I’d hate to be the reason you begin to feel like this
tears flowing down your eyes, confused on what to do
& this all started because the King you wanted didn’t wanna love you
☆ Poetic Venom ☆

We never dated yet I fell in love
I played the fool, why do fools fall in love
I was stuck in stupid, your vibe was the glue
& sadly enough, I never knew you
Addicted to your smile & hooked on your presence
didn’t pray for your approach but you became that blessing
I waited years to be your everything, just to walk away
crying & broken is how I spent these past few days
You broke my heart in the worst way but forever I wish you greatness
I fell in love with a stranger who was so faithless
- Poetic Venom

We’ve all said it before, gave love the ******* after being shattered
Fell for someone & got treated like we didn’t even matter
Has love become tainted or is it just that we’re falling for the wrong people
Giving our hearts & taking that risk to feel another heartbroken sequel
Is Love really the blame for the pain or should we blame those who we’ve tried to love?
Blame Love or blame the wrong candidates for the cold hearted savages that we’ve become
Do we blame love for breaking our hearts & making us not want it anymore?
Replacing our hearts with an ice box & preventing anyone who attempts to explore
Confusing love with someone who wasn’t intending to love us
Confusing love with someone was only looking to use & destroy us
Do we really blame Love for making us feel incomplete
Do we really blame Love for our hearts’ tragic defeat
Is it really Love that we hate or those who’ve torn us apart
Is it Love that we hate or those who’ve destroyed our hearts
Love’s not the blame for the pain you’ve experienced, it’s those who didn’t deserve you
Don’t say “**** Love”, say **** those who’ve came around only to hurt you

Why do we argue?
Why do we scream?
Why do we go back & forth?
I want you to go but don't want you to leave
I don't like to beg but I'm on my knees
You say it hurts you but it hurts me even more
give you love although I'm not in love anymore
we grew apart & the fighting tore us apart

Why do we argue?
Why do we fight?
I love you & you changed my life
but this love didn't feel fight
despite circumstances, the future was bright
but I don't think this love is the love of my life

I wonder if you ever had someone to love you naked
someone that sees every flaw & desires to trace it
Someone that sees all the imperfections on the outside
but still wants to see what lies on the inside
Someone that sees the wall you have build up but is eager to tear it down
someone that sees you’re a work in progress but still sticks around
Eliminate the make up, cute outfits, & the fake smile to see what still exist
Will they still love you or walk away making you feel like ****?
Someone who still thinks you’re beautiful enough
when you’re looking your worst & been thru the worst but still believes you’re good enough
Willing to chase the moon down but bring you the moon along with the galaxy
Will they try to change you or fall in love with a beautiful tragedy?
Will they go the extra mile to get you but still go extra to keep you?
See all these walls in front of you & still break em down to reach you
Will someone ever love you naked? Make love to your intellect
Caress your soul with their actions & free your world from previous stress
You need someone to love you naked thru the flaws & imperfections
Someone who can turn a beautiful disaster into a unforgettable blessing
☆ Poetic Venxm ☆

No longer can i love you
No longer can i offer you the world
No longer can you have my heart
No longer can i remain attached
My heart grew cold but my soul remains intact
I walk alone while knives hang from my back
Desiring a presence to make me happy
for too long I’ve ignored the one that really mattered
& pain has a way of reminding you what’s lost
Something has become of me, something vicious
sometimes my heart sends messages but I’m too stubborn to listen
wrongfully lead by pride & let down by my ego
safe to say I’m my worst enemy but it’s hard to let go
So making you happy isn’t an option for me anymore
but I’ll still love you forevermore
My Happily Ever After does exist, it just doesn’t reside with you
& i never wanna say goodbye but I’d rather walk away than to further hurt you
I feel my heart shattering whenever i see you cry
knowing I’m full of it & i can never make things right
I failed to be the perfect lover, hell i was barely a friend
no matter how much you want things to play out, the one thing we love most always comes to an end

I know you might feel like I love or love you not
the way I keep ending a loving thing without a plot
I come home to your heart for a few hours then I’m off again
giving my time & attention to someone else who’s not even a friend
It used to be your arms I ran to but now you spend your nights without me next to you
missing my touch rubbing your back or the feeling of my lips blessing you
In my mind, I’m thinking going missing is going to solve my issues
of missing you but I fail to see that it’s only causing me to lose you
Do I love you? I do but not in the same way that you love me
Love you more than I do myself but your time is always placed above me
But I understand you gotta future to think about, I’m just lonely waiting for 10 minutes
to be held by my angel & unfortunately, your time is something that I don’t fit in with
Do I love you not because I never tell you what’s wrong & I hide the truth
when eventually my frustration will let it all be known so you can see the proof
I’m pushing you away & eventually I know you’ll leave me
ignoring my reasons for what I’m doing, i don’t expect you to believe me
I love you but my patience came to an end with trying to be that man
who’s trying to love you the best way he can but more than a friend
☆ Poetic Venom ☆

These thoughts have been teasing me for quite some time
thinking of ways to stop the madness without crossing the line
You say you wanna wait when I’m ready to commit
but this decision that you’re making won’t let my ego quit
See I’m out here on the prowl trying to see how much damage I can make
when I fail to really see how much pain one could create
And I can’t even blame you for the decisions that I’m making
trying to fill the avoid of being lonely & the one night stands I’m chasing
You ask me how I feel but I can’t really explain it
how the love I’m dying for, I can’t obtain it
I’m trying not to lose myself loving you but every day I lose a piece
I reach out for your help but you’re never there for my reach
You taught me how to be a King but what’s a King without his Queen
& a castle without a foundation to keep it withstanding his dream
of raising a kingdom for his Prince & Princess to herit
cause I refuse to let em carry the torch when it’s too shattered for them to carry it
You want me to be that King but you make me question if I’m really that
the love a King is supposed to give, I stopped feeling that love coming back
I'm running outta time, please make up your mind
cause I refuse to lose myself anymore trying to love you
I gotta save myself before this stress gives me the flatline
mentally passing on & it's all because of you
☆ Poetic Venom ☆

When I say Make Love, you may think ****** energy but I define Making Love as an experience between 2 presences who create something precious thru emotion & within mind

The understanding of ones mindset as well as their way of life that better describes who they are, what they’ve been thru, & what they’ve become based on past experiences

When you truly Make Love, you create something that can never be copied but admired by each other & those who see the glow as a result of indescribable events

And when Love is Made, you then see everything from a new point of view that causes Happiness in a new light giving it a source that turns the dimmest room into light

Let me make love to your mental, I promise to be gentle
Undress the elegance of your intelligence & bless you with a personality beyond suspenseful
You can never guess what I’ll do next but you feel the butterflies in your chest
That moved from your stomach but then you realize that it’s my words that caress
You which may lead you second guessing
Then there’s this sudden feeling of your heartbeat tap dancing
But that’s just me, the poetic metaphoric melody & it’s interesting to see
How I send chills thru your body when it’s just the thought of me
So let me undress your mind & in due time, I’ll read between the lines
Discover a world within a sweet smile that may tend to go over or bypass most minds
Who lack the knowledge of understanding of a presence so elegant yet demanding.
A Queen in her own right, standing on her own 2
Feet with the characteristics of oneself that’s bound to possess you
So let me undress your mind & in due time
I’ll then see why this Queen who’s so divine & at that moment
I’ll find out why she’s indeed one of a kind

- Poetic Venom

Here I am once again, drinking my life away to this bottle
Lost in my feelings & writing my feelings in this novel
Thinking about the times we once shared & how I miss em
Thinking about those sweet lips & how I used to kiss em
I see you dating someone else now, I’m happy to see you smile
But I can’t ignore that you haven’t truly been happy in a while
I know you gotta miss those days, I see you creeping on my timeline
So busy with your new love, I don’t see how you manage to find time
Catch you sliding in my inbox every blue moon
Saying you’re in love with him but I guess it came way too soon
Can’t even focus on myself when I’m thinking about you
Getting bored being lonely & telling chicks to slide thru
I’m just smashing outta anger & sadly seeking vengeance
Dealing with a broken heart, how did I get in this?
Still in love with someone that chose to walk away
And I’m thinking she’ll return so every day I pray
What the hell went wrong with us? I can’t find the answer
Making love was music to my ears & you were my ***** dancer
Seeing you with that man & I know he can never be me
Trying to replace a one in a million, not to be cocky
And that last statement is true cause you prove all the time
Lowkey begging to rekindle our love when you forced it to resign
Yea I miss those days too but deep down, I question if it’s worth it
I don’t have to ask about your feelings, your actions always show it
Thinking if I’d still give you my heart even after you’ve burned it
Heart’s still crying out for you, I hope you heard it

I remember the comfort of your kiss
the warmness of your hugs
a magical presence filled with such bliss
& the anticipation of overdosing on this new drug

I remember that first vibe, watching the sunset
holding you in my arms while you fell asleep
from the kisses I blessed with after being so upset
with life & everything else making you feel so weak

I remember the sound of your voice & the feeling of your touch
thinking I was in heaven only to realize it was you holding me
oh how I miss that so much
falling in love with the King I am that your love always showed me
And as time flies by, I reminisce on the view of your eyes
reminding me of the clear blue sea or even the art of a southern evening sky
with or without you, the memories will forever be amazing
-Poetic Venom

For years they’ve ignored the mental challenges that people like me face
The struggles we go thru protecting ourselves from a mind driven by self hate
Most consider us “mentally ill” or simply place judgment
Advising us to seek professional help from these highly trained consultants
Or if we go to our family member just for them to tell us to pray
And ask God for the guidance to living a better day
Suicidal contemplations on a daily basis
Hoping to end it all to seek peace to avoid anyone from being courageous
Knocking on the door to death, waiting to see what awaits us
Cause if they make a certain phone call, they’ll send an institution to detain us
They question why we’re never positive but always ignore the negativity in life
Which makes us feel outta place or like living has this dangerous price
Never allowing anyone to get close enough to read the tears that flow
Or understand the scars on our hearts that obviously glows
Yes we need help but not the help being recommended
Cause deep down, we know it’s the feeling of being sorry that’s intended
You feeling sorry for us because we’re overwhelmed by this feeling inside
Of being a burden to those we love & how we’re dying inside
We try our best to be strong but even that gets old
When all hope dies finally being that this world is so cold
You can’t relate to the struggles we face cause you don’t understand our world
Or the pain within is too much at times so we seek an exit instead of waiting for it all to end

Today marks a milestone for me. I started writing poetry when I was 9 years old but never would I have ever imagined that I'd be able to write approximately 1,015 poems to date. It's crazy how I find inspiration from various places, able to write from many different perspectives, & able to speak for those who can't find their own voice. My poems don't just represent me, they represent the people who inspire me, the people who experience mental health issues, & those who've gone through the worst in life. Never thought I'd get to this point but I'm proud of myself. Such an accomplished to close 2018 out.

You want love, i want lust
I can’t hold you down, don’t waste the trust
You seek a wedding ring, i want a one night thing
Pour your heart out but nothing will change
Why dig for love when it’s not there
Chasing hopeless dreams, getting nowhere
You desire love & I’m your point of interest
Mind’s playing tricks on you so you question my distance
You thought i was different but what’s the difference
Between me & the others who turned out the same but seemed different
Looking for mutual interest from me, you tripping
When you hallucinate about my presence but it’s missing
Giving you no attention except when i call for action
to come over & deliver ****** satisfaction
You hate my ways but do you
actually think about what this guy has been thru
with the last females that i gave my all to
& they showed me what love can really do to you
when you invest so much time & commitment
but they’ll gladly leave you broken & reminiscing
I’m nothing short of a mirage but your eyes can’t see
that I’m not worth your time, obviously
Your mind better apologize for all the lies
that made you cry, waiting for my love but I’m not that guy

In the midst of Darkness, I've become attached to the forces that's lured me in

to show me the wonders of this world where the rules don't apply & freedom becomes one

I can't escape this rage & the feeling it gives but I don't think I truly want to

although when I transform into this beast, the heart still remains see through

cause even with the aggression, you still see the kid trapped inside being held captive

knowing the pain will begin to explode & the aftermath will be massive

I’m confused to who I’m supposed to spend my forever
Feel like my current Love Interest isn’t who I’m meant to spend my Forever with
Don’t even feel the interest anymore, just here living in each moment
Doesn’t feel the way I anticipated & I’m not even sure if I still want it
Don’t know if I’m afraid of love or just lost my interest altogether
Keep saying I want it all but being alone sometimes just feels better
It’s confusing when you wanna be attached to someone but you fall for one night stands
Questioning whether or not you’re even worth being the perfect man
Can’t let a soul get close to me without the possibility of me pushing them away
Slowly watching as the current love fall deeper & I panic to say I can’t stay
Don’t wanna break her heart but don’t wanna lie to her forever
Knowing I can be that man she wants & I know she deserves better
Maybe I’m not ready to have my Forever yet cause I barely love myself
And I’d hate to see her attaching herself to me trying to convince me to love myself
I’m running away but she always manages to catch up to me
How long will it be before she realizes this love isn’t what it’s supposed to be
Who is My Forever? Sometimes I question if we’ll know
Guess we’ll know when I meet the one that my heart won’t let go

Today I was struck with devastating news
saying good bye to someone I never thought I'd lose
Under the impression that everything was okay
but everything came crashing down in the worst way
Losing contact for almost a month, I knew something was wrong
& I can either fight my pride to see what's wrong
going back to a place where my heart doesn't belong
How do you accept the fact that someone you love no longer wants your love?
Trying to grasp my brain around letting her go
Hearing her tell me goodbye but my heart won't let go
Already dealing with my own hell, she hits me with the saddest news
Something I thought I'd never hear her say again
Once again, giving my heart the inspiration for the blues
& now I'm forced to watch someone else love my best friend

If this becomes my last entry
I pray the parted will finally hear me
My only objective was to give those like me
A way of life without feeling furthermore lonely
I write all these poems as a passage of emotions
Speaking for the unspoken emotions
Which have led me to the feeling of being alone or a burden
but I continue to write feeling determined
to provide a better chance for survival
to those who’ve considered me their idol
Let my purpose for change be the spark for bravery
that inspires the rest to be stronger after they’ve conquered the recovery
For the Forsaken Message maybe ignored now, one day you shall see
the impact of my vision that helps set my Lost Souls free

☆  P e n c a s s o ☆

I’m silent but my presence is well spoken
a heart golden yet badly broken
a poetic sense but metaphorically misunderstood
trying to do right but still punished for doing good
& for all this time, I’ve been missing the main key
to the mystery of understanding the mystery of Me
Poetic Venom

Conversations with a young lady about how she was disappointed
How she kept falling in love but she felt her heart being avoided
She told me how she felt like she never be good enough to be admired
How she’ll never be the Queen that a man’s heart would desire
She started telling me how she felt like every guy was the same
Like every man alive were all built the same way, playing the same game
I began to ask her about her preference & what mainly attracts her
And her preference described how she kept rereading the same chapter
I proceeded to break it down how she was dating the same guy
With a different face & they were all designed to smash & say goodbye
Took me 15 minutes to illustrate how her taste in men was the issue
Your bad taste in guys is why every love does nothing but dismiss you
You’re digging thru the same garbage looking for a treasure that’ll never appear
And that results in all your setbacks that enhances your fear
I asked her if she ever thought about dating someone that’s not her type
Instead of falling for the same clown who’s love is unripe
You’re saying you’ll never be good be enough & that’s true
Can’t be good enough for someone who doesn’t deserve you
Same sermon, different preacher is what she replied back
Asking why everyone she knows was saying that
Told her to listen to the advice for once or she’ll always be broken
Soon after, her silence was very loudly spoken
Can’t be good enough for someone who isn’t your meant to be
Stay single, stop searching, & set your heart free

For the 1st time in my life, I'm exciting to announce that I'm officially a published author. I've been working on this book for the past 6yrs & it's finally available for purchase for those who're interested in knowing my story. I appreciate any support that I get & it means the world to me if it inspires someone out there who's going through the same situations as me. Happy to share my story with you all & I hope you enjoy it. Thanks in Advance

- King Pencasso

https://www.authorhouse.com/en/bookstore/bookdetails/844426-from-darkness-to-light

Love doesn’t Love the way Love used to Love
but I’m not sure if we should Blame Love
cause it’s not Love that’s changed
it’s the ones who gave Love but never got Love back that’s changed
it’s the ones who had all the Love in the world to give
but never got the same Love back given to them
when those who Seek Love don’t really want Love
they’re on the Hunt for the Lust
the type of Lust that doesn’t come attached with Love
the type that’s caused Pain cause they don’t know Love
Sneaky Links & hook ups, that’s that new age Love
the Pleasure for the Moment then you’re on to the next Love
settle for the Love in those who don’t confess Love
I need that Old School Love, that Love before the 2000s Love
that Get dressed & be ready by the time I pull up Love
that Love me so much but I don’t get enough of Love
that Meet me at the Alter in your white dress Love
that Here & Now, I promise to Love faithfully Love
that You are my Lady, you got me Feenin’ Love
that All My Life, we Cry Together because I Love you Love

i love you, i miss you

kisses of sweetness

hugs of a lifetime quality

i was in love with you

but there comes a time

when one must realize

that you're no good for me

Look at me now dad, never thought I’d get to this point in life
Where I no longer hate you & now understand the lesson you taught me in life
See the thing was, I resented you because you were never there
sent $80 a week but that only made me think you didn’t care
Mama was strong enough to deal with the pain & raise me right
but inside I was lonely & sometimes I couldn’t sleep at night
You were that missing ingredient that I needed for a healthy life
& I believed that being my father came with a price
It’s funny how I hated you for so long just to see that I was like you
spreading this charm with women & being a rolling stone like you
but no disrespect, everybody gotta make mistakes when they grow up
stumble a few times in life before their maturity begins to show up
I don’t know the full story, I just know I lost my dad before knowing who he was
feeling like a lost cause because I was always looking for his love
I’m still your son, you’re still my father, that’s something we can’t change
but I forgive you for not being there even if this means things won’t change
I see you have other kids that you’re raising & I’m happy that you’re being that man
that they need, glad that you’re giving them a chance
to know the man that I never knew but I’m proud of you
& I pray that God keeps watching over you.
And with that being said, I’ve grown up tremendously & I no longer hate you

Poetic Venom

Look at me now dad, never thought I’d get to this point in life
Where I no longer hate you & now understand the lesson you taught me in life
See the thing was, I resented you because you were never there
sent $80 a week but that only made me think you didn’t care
Mama was strong enough to deal with the pain & raise me right
but inside I was lonely & sometimes I couldn’t sleep at night
You were that missing ingredient that I needed for a healthy life
& I believed that being my father came with a price
It’s funny how I hated you for so long just to see that I was like you
making common mistakes of a man just like you
but no disrespect, everybody gotta make mistakes when they grow up
stumble a few times in life before their maturity begins to show up
I don’t know the full story, I just know I lost my dad before knowing who he was
feeling like a lost cause because I was always looking for his love
I’m still your son, you’re still my father, that’s something we can’t change
but I forgive you for not being there even if this means things won’t change
I see you have other kids that you’re raising & I’m happy that you’re being that man
that they need, glad that you’re giving them a chance
to know the man that I never knew but I’m proud of you
& I pray that God keeps watching over you.
And with that being said, I’ve grown up tremendously & I no longer hate you
☆ Poetic Venom ☆

How do I tell someone that I’m attracted to that I’m slowly catch feelings
Not knowing if she’s happy or if the relationship is built around happy dealings
Watching her smile every day brings joy to my heart especially when it’s because of me
but there’s something in the back of my mind telling that she’ll never leave him for me
I see the things that she goes through, sometimes being stranded at work
& I come to her rescue but I can’t deny that it makes my heart know
Wanting to say what’s on  my mind but hesitant to even say a word
that maybe I’m the guy she needs & I have the love she deserves
And if that wasn’t enough, there’s another roadblock keeping me from making a move
so beautiful but ******* on cancer sticks & I’m holding on to the interest I’m soon to lose
I hug her like no one else while another small of my heart breaks
always given the opportunity to speak up but too nervous & my voice shakes
I’m just that guy admiring something that I’d like to cherish for a lifetime
yet walking away from it realizing it can’t be mine
Is this even a love triangle or am I just overly attracted to someone that I can’t possess
Holding in a lot of feelings that’ll never be expressed but laid to rest
Whether I speak up or not, my biggest fear is the rejection
that I’ll have to face if I lose such a rare connection

I’m not sick or insane
not normal or crazy
just different from the rest
i battle with my demons
just like you
depression is my best friend
anxiety is my side kick
i believe what’s not real
& sometimes I’m not sure how i feel
constantly under a dark cloud
or just sinking in my thoughts
no medication needed
no pity or sympathy
I feel dead on the inside
& some call me crazy
but I’m at war with myself
judgements don’t phase me
worry too much over irrelevance
over thinking but never for the hell of it

There’s Nothing Wrong With Me  .... Pencasso

You tell me I’m missing but you fail to see my vision
on how i feel like everyone is against me
Either you’re tryna love me or you tryna take me out
drag me thru your hell & get mad if i make it out
Soft hearted & easily forgiving
Lost of interest & never holding anyone back from leaving
I won’t beg for you to understand me
I won’t beg for you to understand this feeling
I don’t expect you to relate to someone’s whose paranoid & contemplate self killing
Don’t tell me to chill, this is how i feel
I can’t be wit you if i can’t be real
I can’t find myself but I’m still on the search
I lost myself thru the lies & the hands laid on me from church
from a pastor telling me that I’m unique from my head to my feet
But the Devil is telling me i ain’t **** which is why i can’t avoid defeat
Maybe I’m sick or maybe I’m hopeless
Depression was hereditary, i never chose it
Feel my heartbeat, maybe you can follow its rhythm
& drown within my alcoholic sorrows that swims in my system
My tears created the rain & the breakage in my heart made it thunder
but the real me lies deep in my soul waiting for someone to discover
the true essence of what I’m really made of
& once they find out, their reaction is what I’m afraid of

I write this outta pure honesty
cause many of you may not notice me
I’m not that guy with his smile shining bright
I’m that guy who constantly fights for his life
Contemplate suicide on a daily basis
surrounded by saved demons & disguised racists
with family who’re more like enemies & friends who’re 2 faced
these pills became a friend of me but this liquor has a feeling I love chasing
I used to be afraid to show the real me cause people think it’s for attention
like I want everyone knowing that I’m dying mentally or spiritually something’s missing
I can’t be one of these cool kids, fronting like I’m a savage
when everyday I wake up & living life is hard to manage
So I write these poems to hopefully reach someone else
dancing with suicidal plots & never had anyone else
to love them the way they’ve always wanted to
so if you feel my pain thru my words then I write these for you
I’m not the same kid I used to be, things change drastically
went from a happy kid to a young man mixed with a tragedy
I can’t front who I am just to get likes or shares
& ignore the fact that I’m beyond scared
Scared that one day I’m gonna have enough & take my life away
looking at myself in the mirror as I watch my soul walk away
Living in this cold *** world full of envy & judgment
& too paranoid to enjoy life when death pulls up in the midst of the enjoyment
But still I thank God for every day that I breathe
Another day stronger & amazed that he hasn’t ask me to leave
I shed tears in the dark just so I can cry in peace
cause your tears remain unheard until the day you decease
I’m not the same kid I used to be, I’ve changed tremendously
alive from the physical form but beyond deceased mentally
I can’t apologize for not letting you see the real me
especially if it results in you trying to heal me
If you do anything for me then pray for me
for my battle isn’t over & Satan can’t take my strength away from me
And as I drown within my own tears, allow my sorrow to be released
& don’t you let go until my happiness has finally reached its peak
It’s not my time to reach the other side that Phase 2 has to offer
I’m still looking for ways to survive life’s horror
I’m not the same guy I used to be, I just exist in disguise
but maybe one day, the real me will spark the tears from Heaven's Skies

Poetic Venom

Every time we meet, I bless you with a kiss
you send me away with the memories reminisced
Through the sunshine or the storm
our love still comes to form
We weather the waves thru the darkness of light
still making the sweetest sound of love even thru the fight
When we rest shoreside & the sunset kisses us
but when the morning wakes us up, we see the sun beautifully miss us
Beautiful, Mysterious, Wild, & Free
the beauty of art & expression with a meaning that flows ocean deep

- Poetic Venom

I dance along the edges tempting to crash into you
waiting for that chance to be next to you
When the sun rises, I find pleasure in seeing you glow
sometimes I’m lost within the breeze when the wind blows
I’m the oceans wave & you’re the sand
walking along waiting for me to grab your hand
Bless me with that kiss when I wrap you around my waves
& kiss the moon good night as our love becomes the soundtrack of the night
- Poetic Venom

Often I’m asked how come why other guys aren’t like me
how come they’re not sweet or charming like me
why they’re not caring or passionate about ones heart like me
why they don’t care for the broken hearts like me
why their vibes aren’t as romantic & chill like me

Once in a Lifetime
who else will do the most just for a second to see you smile
One in a Million
who else will write a million poems just to say I love you
Rare Breed
who else will stand by you thru every storm that you may face
Rare King
who’s other heart will you come across that you can’t replace

Once in a Lifetime
not to be cocky but where can you find a heart that’s full of gold
that will shed a tear once it reaches the essence of your soul
never again will you find, a love quite like mine

- Poetic Venom

For years you’ve been dancing to the wrong beat

trying to a win something that’s designed for your defeat

& I know you’re fed up but I ask if there’s a chance

for me or the right one to get that last rightful dance

For your heart, for your soul, & for you to say I Do

my promise is a guarantee, that one shot will be magical

- Poetic Venom

Nor them or you could understand the Love
I gave to an angel sent to me from above
I blame myself for getting Attached so easily so quickly
figured if I did such a thing then you wouldn’t Leave me
Never have we had the chance to see this love take off
but I didn’t think something so Precious would come with a Cost

So my last Dying Wish is to see you for once, one Last time
to hold you as we go our separate ways
saying Goodbye as we reminisce on our past days
to hear your Voice right before you hang up the phone
leaving me in existence all alone
But nevertheless, you’re Forever in my Heart even from afar
as I wish for our final visit with that once in a lifetime shooting star

☆ P e n c a s s o ☆