Who says depression
Must be gray?

It's not

I see red
In the blood
From my cuts

I see,
Blues, greens, purples
In the bruises
From the
"Accidents"

I see white clearness
In the tears
From the sadness

I see orange and yellow
From the hot
Bursts of pain

So take it from me,
Depression
Is not simply
*Gray

have you ever thought that maybe i lied when i said i was okay?
have you ever thought that maybe i lied when i said i was getting better?
have you ever thought that maybe i lied when i said i haven't cut for months?
have you ever thought twice about something i said?
*have you ever ******* cared?

I wish to be the girl you hold so tight
I wish to be the one you lay with at night
I wish I could be able to trust again
I wish I could stop writing with this blood pen
I wish I was beautiful, thin, and tall
I wish I could just sleep and forget it all
I wish I could go and live on a star
I wish I was strong enough to go that far
I wish to be confident, important, and smart
I wish my first job will be a good start
I wish to stop growing and always stay young
I wish I could hide my nicotine stained tongue
I wish that I will graduate and live a great life
I wish that my husband will think me a good wife
I wish to have kids so I can watch them grow
I wish I was strong enough to just let go
I wish to move on, forget, and forgive
I wish to be happy so I can just live
I wish that soon you will understand
I wish I could replace my thyroid gland
I wish that I was a healthy child
I wish that I could fly for miles
I wish that my family will begin to be kind
I wish to rid the suicidal thoughts from my mind
I wish to be recognized for my art
I wish that the right boy will fix my heart
I wish that I will be more optimistic
I wish that my wishes were more realistic

Walking down
The dark tunnel
Ignoring their screams
I refuse to return
To safety
Balancing on
The train tracks
Like a tight rope
Seems like that's
How life has been
Up until now
Starting to hear
The faint sound
It's drawing near
In its light I'm drowned

I promise to come quickly
While watching you one night
You seemed to suffer deeply
They couldn't have been more right
Your bleeding heart
Your ragged breath
You've started to fall apart

My neutral being can't stop
I'm only to transport your soul
Taking you up top
Meeting on the grassy knoll
You'll feel whole once more
So don't be afraid, when I come knocking
Walking on through your door

While on your journey, you will see
Your life in its completion
The only thing, that I can't be
Is a regret deletion
So onward, upward we will go
Before you leave this place
For everyone you used to know
Will have a comforting smile upon their face

I used to believe that moving images on a screen could help me forget about how hurt and broken I am. That for a brief second the scandalous screams and raging hormones could stop my heart from breaking. There was a hole left inside me at an early age no father around to teach me how to be a man. I filled that gap with ***  trying to figure out what life was all about. Im grown up now and not much has changed I still try to find comfort in a pizza delivery guy getting his payment from a fantasy brought on by a teenage dream. A naughty school girl who needs to be punished. The **** librarian who told you to be quiet. These images these moving images on my laptop screen have destroyed the very moral behind this beautiful thing. Forever my mind will be tainted. Forever my mind will be not pure, forever it will be hard to fall for a girl based on her heart not her pearls, or her smile, her eyes, her neck, and whatever is below that.

The nights get lonely and the days seem short life has lost its purpose but the world keeps tumbling on. People pass, heartbroken and in pain. They are look up from the path that went astray if they can all make it so can I? I'll be a better guy by the end of the night. I still dream about you and how we used to touch. Thank you for letting me be apart of your journey and I mean it when I speak. I hope one day you'll find love in a young man full a heart of gold. And one day I'll find love in a lonely girl shivering from the cold. Our paths have left us in different routes maybe they will cross again but I have my doubts. Until next time my friend. Thank you do everything goodnight and amen.