And so she left.

Tell me you love me.
I need to hear the truth,
Am I paranoid, or correct?
I don't have time for guilt about this question,
But I need to know before it's too late.
It feels like no one really cares.
Maybe if they did I wouldn't be feeling this way.
Don't tell me I'm just lonely, or depressed, and not to feel this way.
I can't help it, and I'm losing control.
Tell me you love me,
Or let me pretend.
No time, yet plenty of it.
Leave me alone, but I'm scared of being alone.
Don't tell me you love me, unless it's true.
Don't let me think I'm alone when you're around
Don't tell me you want to talk to me and then don't
I get my hopes up to get them crushed.
Maybe I need to go to bed, you say,
Maybe I need to not be alone...
When I tell you goodnight, do you realize how when you tell me to go to bed, I feel like you're trying to brush me off, or don't want me around.
I understand, I don't want to be around either.
Goodnight.

Despair within me grows like a tree by the water.
Be okay on the outside
Because I am. I'm "okay" to the people
Nothing physical yet.
In fact nothing left.
I am alone in this cruel world.
I talk but no one listens.
And when they do, I get laughed at.
Depression? they say, your just sad right now, it will go away.
But it doesn't, lurking around every corner, creeping after me in my own body and mind.
So I don't speak. Not anymore
Expect nothing and feel no pain when the pain comes again.
Silence within me like a cancer grows.
Silence to meet silence

I'm sorry.
After all the time we had together, I suppose
You must have got bored.
It's ironic
You telling me people got bored of you.
Then turning around and dishing the same injustice out to undeserving people.
To me.
Ignoring my texts and calls
Giving pathetic excuses no one believes.
Not even you.
Right?
Yes, I know I'm right
So the cycle ends here.
I'm giving up.
No more tears
No more years
I'm not going to wait up for you anymore.
Every three months another part of me falls for you
Then you rip my heart out and leave, taking it with you.
I hate who I am without you, but I can't stand you anymore
Or rather your absence.
No,
     I'm not sorry
Tomorrow will be a new day
A dark day, but I will welcome the peace with open arms.

Never have I asked before
    How to feel no more.
I thought you wanted me to be happy
    But that's just another lie
Happiness is a lie.
    Like the stories we spin to make ourselves comfortable
Your love is a lie.
    Everything is a lie, nothing is real.
Everything is pain and greed.
    We paint pictures of unicorns and rainbows
Of true love and joy.
    But it's all a lie.

When the rest of the cruel world has left me for dead
Down into the deep abyss will I go
They have made my bed to lie upon
But I will not dare to stoop so low
As to accept what They The People decide is correct
I will not accept your falsities
My life is already wrecked
Ruined by your "niceties"
But it is too late.
I will return from the trench
I do not accept my fate
To be beaten down by the world

It's back again.
That feeling of hopelessness
Loneliness
Fear
Anxiety
To sum it up depression.
It comes, and it goes
But it's mostly here to stay
Finding a way in through the defenses I've built to keep everyone and everything out

Why can't you hear my silent cries for help?
Don't you remember who I used to be?
Someone not afraid of everyone,
Someone who wouldn't question when someone was nice, one who wasn't afraid to have a voice.
Someone who isn't Grey.
Why can't you hear my ragged voice, straining to be heard from my prison of self creation?

Your promises are made to be broken.
Your words, are spoken to be taken back.
How can I trust one with no inner emotion?

The heart scars reopens
Especially when you give your all to someone and you're too blind to see what it is.
Because at fifteen, when someone says they love you and bother to talk to the one hiding behind a curtain of hair,
You feel wanted.
You feel loved.
You feel like you matter.
But you don't, so watch your back.
Careful who you let in before it's too late to run

This is why I trust no one. Because everyone leaves, and they never look back.
Or they're around when it's convenient for them.
I'm taking charge, you treat me how you want to be treated, I'm done being pushed down and stuck in the middle of everyone's ****.
And I'm.done.

Two bright souls wander in a thick bracken
One a comforting green, one a devoid of life grey color
Both each have their own ideas on where their destiny lay.
Two souls stumble into each other in a meadow
A canvas of green and bright white light encompass the forest floor.
Flowers of every color surround them, weaving throughout the branches of the canopy.
The grey one feels itself drawing closer, but is scared to react in any way that might disturb the other.
It fears spreading the grey to the lively green one, so it drifts away.
The farther it goes, the darker it's light turns
The light one follows at a distance, yet still keeping the grey one in sight.
They meet up again, this time their bond growing stronger.
Three years later the one that once was grey is an almost translucent sheen, the other the most beautiful, full of life light green.
They spend time together as often as possible, but the grey one disappears just as often, each time it returns, the more invisible it became
One day, the grey one came back, but the green couldn't see it anymore. It's became a sickly green color and moved on with it's life.
The grey one always followed, never seen, never heard. Eventually, it went on its own way, yet whenever it saw the other, it would follow the green one until it turned a brighter color. Even when it followed after a royal purpleish colored one and got brighter, the grey one still followed, even though a deep sorrow lingered in it's heart.

Soft gray clouds wrap around me,
Embracing me like I've always dreamed
Brushing against my skin like a hundred butterfly kissed.

Whispers emanate from them,
Come with us, you won't have to hurt anyone anymore
Come, fly away and be free from the guilt holding you down

Looking back on all of the people whom I would leave,
A soft reminder comes in the form of a breeze,
     Remember your promises
Then fades away.

I can't leave. And not for them, for me.
Come again when my true time has come
Until then I'll learn to fly on my own.

The clouds drift away, turning darker as they go
The guilt of a thousand years falls away
Like manacles on an innocent prisoner

I may not fly with the clouds,
I might never fly,
But when I do
It will be an unburdened flight

No, I will not cry.
Not tonight,
The world has been cursed with my tears long enough.
They stopped asking if I was alright.
That doesn't mean I am.
Tonight I will not cry because I hold on to the naive hope that I am not alone.
By the morning, I will be more alone than ever.
I'm fine.
I will not cry.
I will not cry
i will not cry...

Words float like lilypads on the pond
Sounds, like the unheard cries of the world
The images I draw portray the joy that I wish to feel
The final happiness like a tease.
Just out of my reach
Soon I will be free.
Soon.

Why can't you see you are perfect?
It doesn't matter who you say you are, it doesn't matter what they call you.
You are.

How can you not understand that you are loved?
Those lies they whisper in your ear,
You are loved.

We would cry rivers of remorse if you left us,
The world would be less

Why can't you see that you are perfect, and that beauty isn't based on titles?

I hate this day for the pitiful meaning it stands for.
I'd rather be burned as a witch than have someone look at me with love in their eyes this day.
It is a day of bleak desolation
Nothing more.
All the anger and hate inside swells to twice its size leaving no trace of happiness and joy whatever that is.
Leave me alone, or face the demon.

Without them what little is left of me would crumble
I brush my finger against the cold jagged stone, savoring the protection they provide.
I notice not for the first time the brick and mortar I have set,
Yet I'm not sure if I put them up to keep others out,
Or to keep me in.

The soft white to the grey, not fighting it.
Just enveloping it in his strong arms in a loving embrace,
Turning it from grey into the loveliest gold.
Purifying her.
Protecting her from herself.
Then the white leaves and it's back to grey.
She wants to be independent, yet without her white noise, she is lost to the suicidal silence.
He doesn't know it, but wait, the light will come around again.
Hold strong till tomorrow.

If I had one wish,
I'd ask for my life to cease to exist
Because I refuse to go on living like this.
Or would I beg to be rid of this disease?
The one that plagues every thought, tinging them grey at the edges,
Blurring my vision
This must be my life's final mission,
To make those happy I can, and mourn those I cannot
For the hole in my soul where I lost my own identity,
I will go on in the day, and cry myself to sleep at night, and hopefully fate will be kind enough to drown me in my tears

You tell me to be strong
You tell me to hold on
Yet I lay here with nothing but my dog
I'd pour my heart out for you,
If only to tell you that you are loved
You are the perfect peace to my chaos
Thank you for never letting me be lost

I won't make I through the year.
You should leave and forget about me
When I'm gone maybe it won't hurt as bad...
How can you love me? Why do you?
Why, when The Grey dictates every aspect of my life.
I'm sorry, don't worry about me, this is the last time I'll say it.