I remember when you said you loved me the first time
    The words carressing my cheek like you do
    My soul, held ever so gently in your hands.
    That first kiss, held like a final note on a piano, sweet to no end.
    When I fell asleep on your lap, nightmares later, the faint memory of you chasing the demons away, floating on the edge of my thoughts
    Will you love me?
    Today
    Tomorrow
    Forever?
Unconditionally, my love.

You pretend to be okay,
You put on a facquade
I know. I understand.
I do too.
We try so hard to pretend to be okay that occasionally we even feel okay.

Why can't you see you are perfect?
It doesn't matter who you say you are, it doesn't matter what they call you.
You are.

How can you not understand that you are loved?
Those lies they whisper in your ear,
You are loved.

We would cry rivers of remorse if you left us,
The world would be less

Why can't you see that you are perfect, and that beauty isn't based on titles?

Doritos in the trash
Unopened, untouched
Jealousy clutching her mind in it's icy grip
The door slams shut,
Words spoken of anger and pain yelled at him.
The rest of us hiding under the blankets,
Hiding from the jealousy and the Doritos in the trash.

Without them what little is left of me would crumble
I brush my finger against the cold jagged stone, savoring the protection they provide.
I notice not for the first time the brick and mortar I have set,
Yet I'm not sure if I put them up to keep others out,
Or to keep me in.

Soft gray clouds wrap around me,
Embracing me like I've always dreamed
Brushing against my skin like a hundred butterfly kissed.

Whispers emanate from them,
Come with us, you won't have to hurt anyone anymore
Come, fly away and be free from the guilt holding you down

Looking back on all of the people whom I would leave,
A soft reminder comes in the form of a breeze,
     Remember your promises
Then fades away.

I can't leave. And not for them, for me.
Come again when my true time has come
Until then I'll learn to fly on my own.

The clouds drift away, turning darker as they go
The guilt of a thousand years falls away
Like manacles on an innocent prisoner

I may not fly with the clouds,
I might never fly,
But when I do
It will be an unburdened flight

Jeans.
The the pants worn by the hardworkers in life
The trademark of the strong-willed and country strife

Yet people look down upon those of us wearing jeans.
They're not for everyone, like me.
I'm not for everyone, but someone.

Pen to paper my heart pours out,
All of the lonely,
All of the hurt.
All of the things I've never said
And all of the things I'll do till I'm dead

Pen to paper a soul cries out,
Save me from myself for I cannot,
Save those of us with no choice but to feel what defines us.

Pen to paper a mind realizes,
We are such insignificant beasts as to darken the world around us yet nature would move on without us,
Such foul creatures as to destroy the truth and poison the pure hearted.

Pens to paper,
Collectively they groan
Weeping for the lost and the found
Weeping for reasons long forgotten.

Pens no longer to paper,
Pens fallen to the ground.

Never have I asked before
    How to feel no more.
I thought you wanted me to be happy
    But that's just another lie
Happiness is a lie.
    Like the stories we spin to make ourselves comfortable
Your love is a lie.
    Everything is a lie, nothing is real.
Everything is pain and greed.
    We paint pictures of unicorns and rainbows
Of true love and joy.
    But it's all a lie.

You are the gravity to my black hole
Without you, I'd spin out of control
You're the moon to my wolf
Without you, there would be no light in the dark
I need you in my life before I drown in my strife
The perfect Yin to my Yang
The perfect balance to keep me grounded

When the rest of the cruel world has left me for dead
Down into the deep abyss will I go
They have made my bed to lie upon
But I will not dare to stoop so low
As to accept what They The People decide is correct
I will not accept your falsities
My life is already wrecked
Ruined by your "niceties"
But it is too late.
I will return from the trench
I do not accept my fate
To be beaten down by the world

Strength comes from the soul
     It is not given
Strength can only be found
     During the darkest of nights
At a time when colors blend together
     It is gained when a person realizes
The simple truth
     Keep moving.
     The pain won't last till the morning
     light
     You can and will rise above
Find your strength to get up off the ground
Push forward because
Somewhere.
Sometime.
Somehow.
     You are loved.
     You are worthy.
     You are strong.

We hide behind the illusion of the words
"I'm okay."
Silently hating ourselves for waiting for the phone to ring so we can know we aren't alone.
Pretending to be alright when we need a hand to lift us out of the grey misery of our lives.
Imagine that. Illusionists pretending to be okay, but no one thinks the irony to be true

Pretend.
Put on a mask every day and never let it fail

Crimson colors fall to the ground
Shattered they lay turning to a melancholy faded grey
Reliving the deaths of all once again
Fallen, drifting across the bare floor
Forgotten.
A hand comes from nowhere to pick up the pieces of something once beautiful
Slowly the hand fits the shards together
But it is too late
So, yet again they lay on the ground.
Fallen

I'm sorry.
After all the time we had together, I suppose
You must have got bored.
It's ironic
You telling me people got bored of you.
Then turning around and dishing the same injustice out to undeserving people.
To me.
Ignoring my texts and calls
Giving pathetic excuses no one believes.
Not even you.
Right?
Yes, I know I'm right
So the cycle ends here.
I'm giving up.
No more tears
No more years
I'm not going to wait up for you anymore.
Every three months another part of me falls for you
Then you rip my heart out and leave, taking it with you.
I hate who I am without you, but I can't stand you anymore
Or rather your absence.
No,
     I'm not sorry
Tomorrow will be a new day
A dark day, but I will welcome the peace with open arms.

It must be wrong.
What I'm feeling
     Loneliness is just another ploy for attention
It's wrong to want to have you around
Or anyone.
It's selfish if I just want to die and forget about
     Everything.
You ask, I'll give.
I ask
     I will be beaten down.
I understand now
That it is selfish to think of anyone but
     Everyone else.

Despair within me grows like a tree by the water.
Be okay on the outside
Because I am. I'm "okay" to the people
Nothing physical yet.
In fact nothing left.
I am alone in this cruel world.
I talk but no one listens.
And when they do, I get laughed at.
Depression? they say, your just sad right now, it will go away.
But it doesn't, lurking around every corner, creeping after me in my own body and mind.
So I don't speak. Not anymore
Expect nothing and feel no pain when the pain comes again.
Silence within me like a cancer grows.
Silence to meet silence

It's back again.
That feeling of hopelessness
Loneliness
Fear
Anxiety
To sum it up depression.
It comes, and it goes
But it's mostly here to stay
Finding a way in through the defenses I've built to keep everyone and everything out

Does anyone know what it really is to be alone
Surrounded by people yet
Totally.
Completely.
Alone.
Those of us who are alone wait in the Dark for someone to pay attention and care
Even when we don't, we want someone to care if we fade away like clouds in the open sky
No one wants to be alone
Even when they ask you to leave them be
They don't want to be alone, least of all me

Words float like lilypads on the pond
Sounds, like the unheard cries of the world
The images I draw portray the joy that I wish to feel
The final happiness like a tease.
Just out of my reach
Soon I will be free.
Soon.

My silent scream for help, gone unnoticed yet again.
Joy is the many knives of Julius Ceasar
Stabbing me in the back
I wait for someone to notice, that I'm not okay, I don't know how to be
Does anyone know that sometimes, I don't want to always be the one to start the one way conversation?
Asking, "How was your day?" When the underlying pain says "Help me. I don't want to be alone so talk to me every once in a while"
Every time I get no reply wondering if they are still alive, or if they simply don't like me.
Silent Tears running down my face at the end of every night, reminding me of the losses of the day.
Silent Tears to mark the end of the day, and the start of a new pain