All the words
that never left my mouth
creep through my veins
filling the hollows of my mind
and my lungs with stone
encasing the very essence of me
in lead

weighing me down
as the murky depths
of a world
that never knew
I was drowning
beckons

They say forgiveness is for those who were wronged

But so is choosing not to forgive

You don’t have to forgive those who hurt you
In order to move on from that time
It doesn’t matter how many times
     they did or didn’t hit you
It doesn’t matter how many times
     they did or didn’t scream at you
It doesn’t matter how many times
     they did or didn’t make you cry
What matters is how many times
    you were afraid
What matters is how many times
    you couldn’t imagine being safe
What matters is how many times
    you couldn’t imagine things getting better

You don’t have to forgive them

It doesn’t take much

One sad song
    one not even meant to be sad
One bittersweet moment
    one not meant to linger
One small fragment of a feeling
    one that I meant to let go

I don’t want to keep it
I never looked for it
I never sought it out
    it doesn’t care
I do everything I can to avoid it
    it doesn’t care
T.v, music, books
    it doesn’t care

Hours of nothing
Just to make it leave
    if only for a moment
I avoid, distract, ignore
Hoping that if I can make it feel forgotten it will be
    that it will leave

It doesn’t care
    it doesn’t go away
Instead it creeps closer
    it touches my chest
And sinks deeper

That’s where it stays

So heavy that I can’t feel anything else
    can’t focus on what I know is there but can’t find

My mind doesn’t understand it
Doesn’t understand how it can affect everything
Keep my eyes from seeing everything else
    everything that’s important
    and should feel that way
Doesn’t understand how it can change what I remember
    add a lens through which I can only see it where it wasn’t before

It wasn’t always there
    was it?

All the while it hasn’t made a sound
    it doesn’t need to make a noise
    for it to be so loud that it’s all I can hear
It doesn’t take much