is it a crush
or is it


lust?

Oklahoma dust drove us west to California
  where jobs and green fields promised Eden.
  We piled our lives on the Ford and headed
  to Paradise. We joined others on the way
  a caravan of proud Okies would do anything
  to survive. Some did the unspoken for food
  and shelter along the way. Eyes wide open
  we could smell the sweet winds of Paradise.

I'm terrified of the moment I'll first touch your skin
brace to the blows, and let you in
I wonder if we will hold back our first kiss
shyness in tension                        still burning my hips

breath in my chest, skin over bones
dragging my teeth, hands free to roam
lifting to fingertips, sunk in my bed
drip down my throat
and cement in my head.

Do I know you from somewhere?
You seemed so near in my rifle scope
across no mans land. I tried to **** you.
Let bygones be bygones. Forget the rope.
I'll be your waiter can I fetch drinks?
Bury the hatchets and hold onto hope.

I don’t want to beg for you
To love me;
But I gave you so many pieces of me
And one of those was my pride.
Now they’re stockpiled in your storehouse-
Or maybe you threw them away..
You threw me away-
No that’s not true-
I argue with myself over you;
How can I see your face
Your texts
Your pictures
How can I speak to you?
I don’t want to talk
But I can’t stand your silence, it feels violent
I feel assaulted by the words you won’t say
And the feelings you took away, right when I needed them most
And I want to forgive you but once more I feel
Abandoned.
It’s not fair because you’re not physically there but I find you
Striding through my mind like you own the place
Give me space
Give me room to breathe, so I can suffocate in peace
Oxygen feels like it’s clogging my throat
And stifling my mind, I’m walking in a haze
Today’s the first day of what will be many days
Without you.

her body reminds me of yours
so last night i dreamt of it