I'm not leaving home.
Not yet.
most of my friends are
But I'm not.
And I feel at a disadvantage.
Like im too reliant on home.
On my family. Its no fault
Of my own that I'm not leaving home,
I would be wasting money in an apartment
When I'm only for a couple hours a week.
Cheaper to travel.

I feel like im doing it wrong,
Right now I should be travelling,
to my new home, with new people.
But I'm not, I'm going to be lonely
This year, just like the others.
Unable to connect, stressed and
Just a mess of an outsider.

I want my independence,
But its not worth the current
Expense. Stuck in the same 4walls,
With the same close family.

God if I last a month without losing my mind,
I might be fine, or not.

I just want to be my own person,
But I'm stifled for now.
Forgotten and just lost
In my home.

Sugar syrup is simple
just water and sugar and a bit of low heat.
But it also makes me think of you, of us
and  what it could have been if we had just been
clearer

I drift off and burn it quickly, and now it's just a brown, sickeningly sweet substance.
Like when you leave a bag of sweets out in the sun.

I guess I just miss you,
or maybe I just miss the thought of you and
tangalulu fruit in your house share kitchen.

Mmm burnt sugar on my mind.

I hate to admit the comfort you bring,
On sleepless nights with screaming thoughts.
I'm still mad don't get me wrong,
But when I was with you,
It was like drowning was impossible,
Until you left, leaving me gasping for air.

But I know now, what I didnt know then,
Was you taught me how to survive on
This little island that is my dark mind.

You are the kind of guy, that seems to only exist in books, a hand out to be held with a bouquet of mixed roses, red, peach and pink like the colours that dust my cheeks when you whisper to me.

Your eyes are like fresh leaves in spring a deep emerald that glimmers in soft sunlight when hit in early afternoon, accompanying a smile as wide as niagra falls that may play across your lips when we sing along to our favourite song in those wonderful years to come.

Your the kind of guy any girl would swoon for, yet you chose me and im happy to be that girl.