Though I have long burnt
             that particular letter
             my eyes still well in tears
             when its contents I remember

Staring into the sky,
on a bright sunny day
The birds chirping,
the branches shaking
vigorously
Too many shadows
moving in silence,
suddenly a breeze blows,
Brushing my hair smoothly
Off my face

A willing captive
gripped tight by her eyes,
steely, grey
and sparkling bright
in love
I watch her talk,
a loquacious fluence,
and study her lips like
a foreign language

your attention is slipping.

not at all.

well, she said
haven't you ever been in love?

I must have been
surely, I think
or something more akin
to time standing still,
the sands sculpting a moment
of a thousand lifetimes.

of course I have.

where is your love now?

right here, I think
chronic and immutable,
boxed into lines,
safeguarded and sound
in dreams and reflections,
vicarious,
a farce of mimicry.

well travelled,
I would say.

like blood from a stone.
well, she said
I'm glad you came,
will you come again?

and she went,
leaving me
with a pocketful of sand.

of course I will.

Waking up
panic rising
like bile
choking me
without you near
black dots fuse
together as fear
turning on all the lights
checking rooms
in the dead of night
pulse racing
heart thumping
there's no erasing
it
every sound has me
jumping
focus focus focus
on my breath
in

count

out

repress the urge
to scream and shout
as panic surge
after surge
holds me tight
in its grip
relentless
like a bad acid trip
feeling out of control
the seams tear and rip
counting hours til dawn
never felt so alone
lost in nights chasmic yawn
all I can do is
rock rock rock
try keep it tight
on lock
ride it out
knowing
what it's all about
doesn't mean
I can fix it though
some things
you cannot unknow
just hanging on
til first rays
of morning sun
some things
just can't be undone

© J.C.