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JasFow May 2019
The lipsticks on my lips don't change the words that come from them
The mascara on my lashes doesn't keep me from seeing the looks I get
The piercings on my ears don't stop me from hearing what they say
I dye my hair to look less like my past, dark and bold
Cut away the length so I can grow on my own and start short
The resemblance fades by the day as I see me as Myself
A monster that I always lock eyes with in the mirror is dying
Its power from my fear is crumbling with each change I make
Bold harsh slices through every word I position, killing a Me that no longer exists
With all of these transitions you'd think I found who I was
No.
Now I'm even more lost
JasFow May 2019
Years pass and they all seem gone
Endless wars I never won
Therapy told me not to forget
Somehow I still lost them like a bet
Only appearing in mid wake
Sweating and I jolt and awake
It wasn't fair she could get past the bars
After the endless trauma she gave me with scars
Do other children fear their givers the same
So petrified at night they cry at the thought of their name
The alcohol that molded me into the demon that follows
Doesn't erase my past, but still makes me hollow
My mind is beyond being ****** up by me
It was already ruined by my pure reality
God, counseling, medication, drugs
Nothing is healing me as much as a hug
Simple request of a woman torn apart
Being dragged on pavement scraping my heart
Blood left showing my path
I prayed hoping to be freed of the wrath
Bad decisions/some call it luck
All is painful and seems worse than being hit by a semi truck
Theres no savior or bandaid that seals the wound
Suffering this heat with hopefully end it all soon
JasFow May 2019
i prefer to have them watch me
its better than them not to notice
now do you understand
the short shirts and ***** shorts
see through tops show bras with no underwire
eyebrows filled in and lips filled with lip liner
ive become unaware of my volume
speaking loud enough to show my power
why should i hide
wanting to make a hero i made a monster at the same time
the names labeling me are more than likely true
i don't fear the looks they give
they almost fuel me to stand taller and show a bit more
say what you must
your words will feed my lust
JasFow May 2019
For a moment there
I thought there was a chance
We could somehow meet in the middle
And find our perfect romance

With the jokes, the laughs, the smiles
You made me feel like no one other
Developing those memories
Gave me life to run all those miles

Before there was you
I never really knew
Then you opened the door
To show that there was more

I was lost, not knowing which way to turn
You taught me you don’t always need to know, to know, which way to go
And you can go both ways
JasFow May 2019
It's not a question anymore
Of whether or not you love me
If you'd bleed a drop from your eyes
Watching me cry a pain that's silent
When the showers water remains cold
You'd warm me with your fingertips
Enough to settle each goosebump
Pushing the fears I hold into a different palm
Cuts don't numb me as they once did
Bites distract for only a moment
Snaps of a band sting for 7 seconds exactly
Burning sips take me away
I forget reality, then its too late to return
Your love shadows and shades the scars
I almost felt healed and completed again
Then when you kiss him, stitches start to unravel
Feeling each tug of whatever is holding me together
Ripping harder by the movement
Each thigh grab, rub of the neck, hug from behind
The love you have for me is there, no question
Now it's different from what it once was
I used to see you as a God, controlling me every breath
You never asked for it, but managed it as if you did
That was before him
Before he showed you a different type of love
Where you didn't have to hide
We were almost perfect,
With a squint of both eyes and the lights turned off
Now I sit waiting for the sting,
as your Love for him poisons me
JasFow Apr 2019
Can. I. Ask. You. A. Question?
How. Do. You. See. Me?
What. Do. Your. Eyes. Focus. On?

smile i fake
eyes green speckled gold
brows carved to a point
lipstick smudged
teeth gapped but still showing

blue dye
black split ends
subtle ***** blonde roots

small ****, wanting to be breast
at times with no bra

tight clothes
all parts show
skin more scared of being hidden

petite shape
booming voice
a laugh that infects a crowd

Which. Part. Of. Me. Draws. You. In?
Will. You. Let. Me. Know?
Do. You. Desire. To. Be. My. Next. Sin?
JasFow Apr 2019
A single touch
All that took
Steady hands
Not meant to be
Yet a tingle inside
Erupting thoughts
Shouldn’t let it be
Starts somewhere below
Radiating to each ending
Sparking uncontrollably
Help me understand
Allow me to be
Give one last
One more
Just touch
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