There are times I lie awake in the middle of the night.
Where my thoughts conduct a symphony of my past.
As I shed a tear of fear for what is coming next.
I hope for the best as I say to express.
To express I must confess that I am afraid.
Afraid you ask?
Afraid that my thoughts may manifest into a monster that is consumed to the dark side I call myself.
Monster tis am I.
A monster I must be for who could ever love this fiend?
A fiend who tries to do right, but is ****** to follow a never ending cycle.
I am defective.
For what shall we call this monster?
Eight letters make a name.
A name that labels the identity of all who know me.
The identity of me is an imposter to the name that came.
I am not all bad you see, for I recycle, and I may not be homicidal.
The worst of me is when I lie awake at night, and my mind turns into a wind up clock of thoughts.
Thoughts that can tear a simple man apart.
The more I am awake the more I find something wrong on the inside.
When I am left in the dark too long, the darkness becomes my friend.
And I'll tell you friend the only thing that will stop the monster I think I am.
Is when the Sun comes up through my window and radiates on my pores.
To remind me once more, that no matter what I think to be. That I am still good inside my core.

I must admit I didn't want anything to do with you when I first met you.
But I saved you, not knowing you saved me.
You worked into my heart.
Over time I could not resist your charms.
You were there when I needed you.
Always with a listening ear.
Always with a kiss to cheer.
Every time you walked out that door I knew it could be the last.
I knew you needed your freedom, and I needed to have faith.
Then one day you walked out and it was your last.
They say if you love something let it go, and if doesn't come back it was never yours.
But I say that's ******* because if you love something you should fight to the ends of the earth to get it back.
And so I went on a year long journey to find what I had.
In the end I had to accept defeat, and move on.
But if you see this Mr. Kitty come home because I miss you.

We are all just sitting on a dock.
Waiting for that unfortunate push.
That makes our heart drop.
We plumage into the water.
As our air is forced out of us.
And our brain is submerged in death.
As our toes start to rot,
The vultures pick through once our stuff.
Oh what luck we will have,
When the clock hits 12 o'clock.

Where were you?
Where were you as I was growing up?
Don’t you love me?
You say you do. But do you mean it?
Why can’t I see it?
In your eyes
In your words
In your thoughts
Even in your heart?
Why is it impossible to see it there?
Why?
Is it because I don’t matter?
I really should have seen it.
All the times you chose addiction over I.
I learning everything on my own
While you run around young, wild, and free

One day you shall take your last breath.
In the mist of everything.
Life will slow down for you.
It may be foreseen or taken away.
In the gentleness of a night breeze.
Or in the tragedy at a hand of another.
You’ll have a dream.
Right before you reap.
Of your life.
A fantastic one it may be.
The pain or joy may slip away.
You’ll drift away.
Clutching on to your memories.
A tear of pain and sorrow will emerge from your eye.
Your heart shall play its last melody.
A beautiful one indeed.
Your eyes will widen.
You gasp one more time.
Your brain sighs with contentment.
As it signs off.
Then your heart shall grow cold.
And your body become stiff.
With an everlasting peak smile showing.
Even in death you’ll be glowing.