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Janal Rajput Feb 2020
The memory of you comes in waves,
Some nights they come crashing,
And some days I feel the gentle ripple
Against the edges of my memory,
As if you turned into sand and cascaded,
Slipping right through my naïve hands,
I tried to clutch onto each grain of sand,
You drifted away, what more could I say?
You wouldn’t hear me anyway,
You simply just drifted away, out of mind
And with each passing of the tide,
I let you and your haunted memories go,
You were the arrow and I was poised,
Shot my longbow, watching as you soared,
Fading into the red and yellow hues,
Soaring away from me and my ocean blues,
I walked the scars of my heart to the graveyard,
Where past friendships lay buried, their ghosts
Clawing at me, desperately trying to remind me,
Of all the times I let them down, as if they were
A lock and I just didn’t have the right kind of key,
But your grave rested in the deepest chambers,
Down in the depths of murky waters, through a
Pitch-black cave- where I had demons locked away,
The walls were shacking threatening to concave,
That’s where it was, chipped and rotted away,
Was your grave, which I used to visit everyday,
So I smashed you into tiny pieces, and carried
You to the edge of my subconscious, right by the
Shoreline, watching as you cascaded into sand,
Releasing you from once naïve and trusting hands.
  Dec 2019 Janal Rajput
Robert Brunner
I think you told me
you are like
the solar system
cold on the outside,
a blazing interior.
You don’t say there is
no love for the restless
and unsettled.
You can give up
and within the cold
cup of tea, that’s left,
carry every twirl
from that
defeat with
never a sigh of
debt.
And I may break
a glass but instead
of being mad,
you bend
to drink from a
shallow creek,
more exotic than ever.
It is the surprise each
day
that makes me say
I want love
more than
wanting tomorrow.
Janal Rajput Dec 2019
On some cold nights, oh, I miss you,
So I cling for my teddy when I'm alone,
Wishing that I could still call your phone,
So I cling to my teddy when I'm alone,
But he doesn't have your heart-beat,
I can't hear its rhythmic thump in my ear,
Close to my heart where I held you dear,
And he doesn't smell like the way you do,
No trace of your intoxicating sweat or perfume,
Missing a scent that used to be all over my bedroom,
You see, my teddy is soft and furry,
And not firm and steady,
Like the way I remember you,
With my head on your chest,
Forgetting time and space,
You kissing me half-dressed ,
And he doesn't sound like you,
He can't mumble into my chest,
Telling he loves me too,
He can't bite and whisper into my ear,
Making my legs give way as he says,
All he wants to be is here, with me,
He can't breathe down and lick my neck,
Making me double-take in breath,
My body becoming a nervous wreck,
My teddy is warm and comforting,
But he can't pull me closer into him,
Wrapping my legs around his waist,
I can't kiss him to remember your taste,
And he can't kiss me before I go to bed,
Right where I need it, on my forehead,
His paws cant draw lines down my body,
Like the way you could with your hands,
Send electricity through every part of me,
And I can't wear my teddy's clothes,
Because well he doesn't really have those,
But you took all yours, but that's how it goes
My teddy is cute and adorable,
But to compare his face to yours is laughable,
Because you are so beautiful,
Especially when you were joyful,
Some nights alone I miss you,
And I cling to my teddy wishing it were you,
Hoping it to be good enough to replace you,
That it could never be anything close to you,
I'm just clinging to long-past memories of you,
But you're long gone so my teddy will just do,
Because you're not coming back to my room,
You're not going to replace my teddy with the real you,
You're not going to slide next to and cuddle me,
You're not going to come in and say that you love me,
You're no longer even a real person,
But a ghost of memories that continue to haunt me,
But I still want you, desperately, clinging to my teddy,
Trying to regrow the piece of my heart you took from me.
Miss my ex. Wrote this.
Janal Rajput Dec 2019
If you're gonna break my heart,
Do it with force, crack it in two,
Make sure not to leave splinters,
So there are no shards of you,
So I know there's no pain,
So there are no more games,
Or regret we're finally through,
To accept it'll never be the same,
And that we were both to blame.
Janal Rajput Nov 2019
You used my heart strings for your acoustic guitar,
Strung them along until they snapped,
So I drowned them in sorrows at the bar,
Mourning a love that had been kidnapped.
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