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Happy Birthday?
Is it really happy?
Family forced to get together that doesn't want to be together to celebrate someone getting one year closer to death,
Who also doesn't want to be there.
Its that one day of the year where people who you never talk to,
Who you didn't even know you were friends with on Facebook post two words on your wall and ignore you for another 365 days.
The "Happy" in "Happy Birthday" isn't there anymore.
Its just a day when people are forced to smile,
And eat ****** cake,
And spend wasted money.
Whats the point anymore?
Go to sleep before you dream.*
I've come to enjoy dreaming
far more than waking;
so much so, that I forget
to remember that I am awake.
Drifting mind and drifting eyes,
I swear, I want to be somewhere else.
I hope heaven is real,
because I know you'll be happy
for the first time.
If there is a paradise,
I hope you're there.
Where I am supposed to be safe and sound,
It is where I am everything but fine.

I have a homeless heart, filled with mixed feelings,
And a house full of ungrateful human beings.
They make my house seem dark and twisted
And every time I am home, I feel homeless and tired.
I hope to feel fresh, and loved, and surrounded.
But my heart needs to flee again, to be well.

So I wake up late, and go to sleep early, to flee the darkness
Of my house, my supposed-to-be home, my nightmare.
So I leave early, and come home late, to leave the darkness
Behind me, buried in the warmth of my bed that is no longer safe.
So I love, as much as I may, the moments I share with friends.
So I count my breaths not to panic again, and I hide, hide, hide,
Deep in my mind, the scares, the scars and the dark thoughts
That haunt my soul every single time I spend in my house.

But I can still protect my secrets and myself from the world
In the cocoon, this safe I built ; in my bedroom, my sanctuary.
Still I need to move it far away from here, where I'll be able to be.
Where I'll be safe and sound, and everything but sad.
Then I'll fly like bees, free, and protected by myself.
I'll fly far away where buildings scratch the sky,
Where months ago, I found my home and heart.
Don't Kick me
But lets  Go Go Go
It may not be  Gold
But could you  Save Me A Spark
If not, i'll just have to  Fly
Because of this, we are  The Strays
We're  Left Alone
Maybe we're  Better Off Dead
In all honesty, We Like It Loud
It's only  November
This may be  Madness
But  *Don't Say Anything
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase


When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face—it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice—it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase



I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along



...me, me, me.
My Immortal by Evanescence. AKA the first song my girlfriend, Cheyenne sung to me 6 months ago.
I asked a man for a ciggerate, he pulled the pack out of his back pocket. Handed me one, like it was a loaded gun. Like I was going to laugh and make fun. Turn on him quick & run. I stood there in the dark breeze humming Bob Dylan. He turned to me and said, " kid I see you with a gun to your head, always hiding in bathrooms like that's your heaven instead" he layed out the floor plans on how life worked. Graphs and data of the sorts. No fancy words, no past life inquiry. Not a man but an eagle. He said he still sees me with a gun in my hand as he flew away to some unreachable tree top. The lights faded out, realizing how alone you are, with a gun to your head, on the bathroom floor trying to make it to heaven instead, you dip your toes in the lake of fire. It's warm, I could stay a while.
Everyone have scars that,
they don't want to talk about,
Mine?
they are just on my body,
as well as in my head...
I'm being honest when I say if it wasn't for you I would have already killed myself.
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