It’s fun to confuse people
Who are on the outside
They wish to understand
But ACCESS DENIED

when I told my therapist that I felt lonely,
she said in response that
she didn’t want to belittle my experience
and I only half-heartedly believed her
when she told me that we all feel lonely,

but darlin’ I know you’re so lonely.

An outsider in my second home
Ignored and forgotten
Oldest child syndrome
Nobody asks, nobody cares
Always blamed
Never heard
Mum Look what I did!
Oh great now look at her
My sisters always done something better
Couldn’t care less
Make your bed
Fold your clothes
Leave the house
Don’t go back home
See you next week
Bye mum
We’ll watch another film
Except we won’t because
There’s never time

I can't deal with everyone else's pain anymore
But I care too much and worry if they don't tell me
It's an endless cycle and everything always feels too much
I just want to help but I never know how anymore
When I was okay I could help everyone else be okay too
But now if someone cried I have to fight the urge to breakdown
Because its too hard seeing someone else hurting
Especially when I can't do anything
It's like watching yourself break over and over
And the cracks become casms that I can't fill
What were that happy memories from that trip?
I only remember him throwing the first punch
What were the best things from school?
I only remember hiding in the toilets when I had biology
What was the greatest event last year?
I only remember missing out on all the things keeping me sane

I don't know my name.
Sounds clichéd,
But a name is an identifier.
Without a name
I don't know who I am.
Your name is the first thing
Somebody asks.
It's not the kind of question
In which you can say
'I don't know '.

Seems like we have reached our destination
A land of unknowing and questions
But no one else knows
And no one else has the answer.

When I was younger
Life seemed like an amazing feat
It felt like there were endless possibilities
I had dreams and hopes
I made memories that were great.
Now I'm still pretty young
Life seems impossible
It seems like something i never asked for
It feels endless. It just won't end
My hopes and dreams
Are so far out of reach
That they aren't even feasible anymore.
How am I supposed to make a career
I'm any of the things I dreamed about
When I hardly care about living
My memories aren't nice anymore
They've erased themselves slowly
Until all I can picture were the times
I was upset or mad
And how now I can only think
About how life was always like this
Even when I mightn't have been before.