I wake up
There is moisture on my cheek
A sound so broken
Startled me awake
I see
I made it
That sound is me

I was reaching
My hand in the place
Where your head would rest
The tear drop falls
I hear a keening
It's me
I've lost my meaning

It has been so **** long
I've recovered
Over and over
But like an addict
I relapse
I muffle the sound
Don't want the neighbors to know how messed up I am

There are two pillows
One between my legs
Where our legs should be intertwined
Where I can hold it to my chest
I hold it close and it silences my sobs
Unlike you
It will not abandon me

The other is beneath my head
It used to be
A platform
Where we could look at each other
Now it's empty
Listening to the gut wrenching cries
And catching the tears

I still cry
For you
For the closeness I miss
For the comfort I have only ever felt
With You
I whimper in my dreams
My partner shut me out

I don't sleep
You were everything
But now you scarcely even speak
You're leaving me again
And this time
I can't be strong
I can't bear it

You are my sunshine
Through the fog of depression

You are the warmth
In my frozen heart

You make me happy
And then you break me

Please this time

For me

Either stay

Forgive me



Or


Let me break my promise
Because I've tried
And I can't do this
Not with you not filling
Any capacity in my life

In some way I need you
A broken way
Like the young girl who got lost in the thunderstorm
Like I was when you first knew me
Trust me
Confide in me
Let me be your comfortable
As you have always been mine

It fell
Not with feathers
But a crash
Shards shattering across the floor

Thump, Thump
It used to sing that song
Now look at it sparkle
Brittle crystalline thing

Tread carefully
Glass cuts
Even the one that owns it
Or that possesses it

Drops
Splashing down
A shining trail on her cheek
A crimson pool in her hand

Accidentally breaking something
That is the worst
You try to catch it
And you are the one who gets hurt

Pick up the pieces
One by one
This heart is too broken
There's nothing to be done

You don't shine
You aren't beautiful
You are brighter than a star
And the wonders of your face cannot be described

Your voice
It is soothing
Smooth
And seductive

Your mind
Gods It is incredible
So much knowledge
And infinite creativity

You sing these songs
Only you know the words
Pause only a moment
And you write a new verse

You aren't a tree
Yet you seem hollow
You are not made of dead wood
But you act like you can't feel
The ache and emptiness
That show in your eyes
Hurt me
Your pain pulls at my heart
And I cannot help
I'm lost in the dark

It isn't that I can't breathe
There is nothing stopping air from entering my lungs
I just don't want to
I breathe and my mind tricks me
It says you are behind me
Your scent filling my senses
Cruelly lying to me
Because you are gone
And I will never know why

I keep on not caring and thinking hey it's fine
And for a while it really is
But then there's this little smile or this one special laugh
And all of the not caring just falls to bits

I have always been ancient
Too thoughtful
Always a mother even as a child
So when I first fell in love I threw out my caution
I immersed myself in him
When our time was done my old soul said wait
There is more yet to come
So I waited
And waited
And got hurt over and over
I thought that he was it
My true love
But then I realized there is no such thing
Love is a choice
And true love just means you stay loyal to that choice
So now I've found someone new
Well new to me
He doesn't know exactly how I feel
But he causes fires in me
I hope he doesn't hurt me
And maybe he will choose me
But I know no matter what
I'll make it through
Because I am a new me
I am stronger than I thought
I can survive because everything is a choice
And I choose to be brave