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Leah graves Mar 2018
If you asked me what I hate about myself
I could give you an never ending list
Of flaws and scars and of shuddering traits
I could tell you how disgusted I feel in my own skin
And how I cringe at my own voice
Don’t get me wrong it doesn’t mean that i have high standards for beauty
Quite the opposite actually
I find beauty in everything
In the crispy morning air
In baby clothes and freshly baked muffins
Im in love with the colors of day and how they change
In the serenity of the rain
Beauty in breakfast and the feeling of carpet on your feet
In quiet and in loud
Things people usually ignore everyday
I love everything
But myself
Leah graves Mar 2018
I wanna go
Get lost in cliffs and sunsets
Sleep under the most magnificent skies
Stare longingly at the stars hoping to reach them someday
I want to find something
Nothing specific yet able to change my entire being
There has to be reason as to why were here
Why were alive
Hungry for freedom
thirsty for the meaning of life
I want to be lost in the world because Im so tired of being lost in myself
There has to be happiness out there, somewhere
Answers as to why I feel like this
Why It’s so easy for me to completely shut down and self destruct
Why I have no faith in the world, its people and love
Why I don’t love myself
I have to believe that im in the wrong place
With the wrong people
That somewhere out somethings waiting for me
Something that will finally ease the pain of this hallow heart
Don't get me wrong
I don't expect to fall in love with a man
But I hope I regain the love I have in this world
I hope that I find true love
In whatever form
Ive been feeling lost
Leah graves Nov 2017
I wonder what they see when they call me beautiful, I honestly do
Because I don’t see  the pleasant view
Now im not the type to counter when they praise
no I say thanks and inspect my face

And all I see are hallow eyes, sleep deprived and so used to goodbyes
and the skin on my face dried and scarred
like broken glass, every tiny shard
chapped lips, thats kissed so many men
praising on my knees but not saying amen

Filthy is what I feel, to sleep in so many beds
because somehow I feel wanted and forget you know until realization sets
that I will never find the love that Ive never seen
Its like a bad movie every sad scene
You see my parents were a bomb and our hearts were the aftermath of that destruction
So im sorry if I did wrong in the reconstruction
I had no instruction

I thought that being beautiful meant the men wanted you
and they did want me but just for a *****
So am I still beautiful stained and used
Do I still have a chance even if my body was abused

I want to be feel beauty without looking in the mirror, not to collapse in the smallest trigger
All ive wanted was love even if id never admit it
Love, even from myself if my heart would permit it
because being beautiful should not be a stumble as love should not be a struggle
Hi this is my first poem ever so sorry, I hope to get more comments on things I should change or what you like thanks

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