The fears we carry
Shape our vision of the world
My fears are living the rest of my days alone
My fear drives me to be more human
To seek affection
I end up getting hurt more often than I'd like

I know things aren't easy
That shouldn't always be an excuse
Am I wrong
For wanting you to be here for me
Am I wrong for wanting more from you
I feel so alone
You're not always here
I try to be
More often than not I am
Am I a toy?
Sometimes I feel like one

You don't always hurt me
When you do, sometimes you don't realize it
Sometimes you just decide to do things that'll hurt me
That's what your mind tells you, you have to do this
If you don't do this, it'll be on the forefront of your mind
I am just the one to take the damage.
It's fine though
That's what I am
I am the punching bag
I endure and endure
I take the punches
I take the hits
I just hang there peacefully
Until you decide to come back and use me
Use me like the punching bag I am

Am I working on your time?
Lately it seems we only talk when you want to
I'm not sure if I'm here because I just don't want to be alone
Or because I want to spend time with you
I'm worn out but being alone grinds the gears of my soul

How beautiful the time we spent together
Not perfect, nowhere near, but we managed
How much we suffered
How much we hurt
Somewhere along the rode, we changed
The end was near
We didn't know how to stop

Maybe I'm too pessimistic
Maybe you're too optimistic
Its clear we're not seeing eye to eye

Who am I
What am I

What is this skin
What are these eyes
I feel like I'm in a foreign body

Where are my people
I have become a social recluse
I've come to notice a lot of things

I don't know what I've become
I've lost myself

You always wanted someone there
You pushed me away
I was always there
When you needed me
I was there even when you didn't
I was never enough for you though
You always had others on your mind
My mind was all yours
I did my best to keep together
I couldn't
Now I'm just pretty heart broken

In my bed
It's in my head

The demons telling me to step closer to the dark

Your light, a glowing ember in my soul
You help me find myself

A mirror reflects who I want to be
Who I know I can be

The demons are loud
But you are louder

Big expectations from a soul who's been through a lot
Family all see him as a beacon
He's smart, he'll make something of his life
He's going to college

Broken soul tried to cling on to his studies
He failed miserably
He's been dropped academically.
He doesn't know what to do now

I am new here
I am alone
I am learning
I am making the same mistakes again

This is true
On this platform
On this earth

Nice to meet you

What I wish I could tell you
What I wish I could tell myself

I'm stuck in my ways
I use music as a sedative for the pain
but the sedative doesn't quite do the job

You look for more, you've searched and searched

How much longer 'till the candle burns out
It will burn until nothing but old age remains
useless wax melted over my ambitions to be forever lost

This is the first lonely day of many to come
I'll miss your presence in my every day life
I don't want to die so young
I'll lock myself away so I don't hurt
I'll embrace the emptiness
I'll embrace the night
I'll embrace myself
I'll lose some humanity
In exchange for sanity
Forget what it means
I'll miss you old friend
I wish you the best
When you remember me
Think of all the good and move forth
I hope you don't miss me
Don't let all you've worked for go to waste
Even if I'm not there
I still want you to succeed
To grow and mature, to be happier
Farewell

Sitting nowhere
On the phone
I love her so
Yet I feel so empty

Is it me
Is it you

Recently I can't seem to feel
The only time I do feel is when I wake up at night
Terrified of life

No one told me it was going to be this way
Life was suppose to be easy
I prepared
I learned

Somewhere down the line
Something changed
Was it me?
Where did I go wrong.

I thought being busy meant that I would forget how lonely I am
I can't seem to erase the sleepless nights
Filled with loneliness
The ache in my chest becomes stronger
As I realize I can't escape you
Maybe some day I'll learn to love you
Right now, you just hurt

I am a human
Being human is what I tell myself
To rationalize that I am feeling emotion
To tell myself that emotions are normal
I don't like feeling emotion
I wish I was a robot
I am human because I feel
I feel emotions, therefore I am human

Like music,
I can feel the beat of my heart
I can feel it quicken when you're near
I can feel it slow as I fade away
Unlike music,
This beat will continue forth
At a steady pace until no longer more
I wait for that day to come
I no longer can stand this hollow ache
My heart beat,
A constant reminder of how empty I am

You are still sitting here, besides me
You won't leave my company
A new contender has entered the ring though
It is a tag team wrestling match now
My loneliness and depression
The opponent, me and this newly growing numbness
Who will win this battle?
Only time will tell

With those words you shattered me
That split second
Your frustration showed
It shut me down
You discouraged me
From speaking
Now I shall refrain from doing again
Until you become frustrated that I don't speak
To you again

Enough is enough, right?
I want to improve my physical and mental state
I'm doing this for a healthier life
Yet I feel so lonely now
Maybe it is unfortunate timing
But I feel so alone
It's been two days now,
I have been alone for two days now
This journey was surely never going to be easy
An unexpected enemy may be my downfall however
Things don't always pan out the way you want them to
I wish I was comfortable with myself
My body aches at the thought of being lonely forever
Yet, all I want to do is jump into the loneliness forever
If I am the one to isolate myself, it becomes easier to be alone
My mental health worsens, but this feeling in my body lessens

I keep it behind a gate
I keep it right at bay
I cannot contain you forever

When you break free
What will happen to me?
To my family?
My friends?

I drown my sorrows out
But everything is dry
The drought took the fight I had left

I can't get it out of my head
I can't seem to get out of bed

I've been losing all my hope
I don't know where to go
I don't recognize myself

Home is where the heart is
There's no home for me

Why does everyone make me feel alone
I feel colder everyday
I'll be gone and everything will be fine

Hey there
This is just me venting my inner feelings
You can move along if you like
I will be here regardless
I will exist regardless

I am disposable
Easily thrown aside and forgotten
I fade from the memories of those I called friends
Becoming nothing, yet I am something
I am something to myself

I feel
I see
I hear
I touch

I am human
You may have forgetten I exist
But I am still here
Invisible to you
Visible to myself

Loneliness is just as good
for growing as any
**** emotion is

I feel so lonely now

We all want to be loved
Maybe some of us don't deserve it
We all want a body to love
only if we can return it

Cause all I ever do is sit inside my room and think of all the times that I once had with you

I don't have time to feel sad when I'm healing
I know I'm falling slow
I'm walking on a tight rope

Now I'm just sitting here sad
Oh well, ship sailed
Aren't we all though

We're trying so hard to get it right
We end up feeling so lonely at the end of the night

Smile, the worst is yet to come

I had a dream
There was a woman
She showed me affection
I felt odd while she did this
She tried to kiss me
I rejected her kiss
I've been pondering this dream
Did I reject her affection because I don't deserve it
Can I not form a bond in this state
Where am I

I am young and naive
I think I know what I am doing
I lack experience in life
This makes for troublesome times
Especially for a young adult trying to find their way
I have made many mistakes
I have done many things I wish were different
If I could start over again,
I would

I hope you smiled at least once today
I hope you felt the warmth of another today
I hope you felt loved today
I hope you spent time with those you love
I hope you feel loved
I hope you feel well

Smile on for those who hope they could

She hugged me
It hurt

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