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 Nov 2015 Santiago
Holly
.,.
 Nov 2015 Santiago
Holly
.,.
Walking through the cloud and rain,
A fake smile upon her face to hide away the pain.
A silent tear escapes her eye,
She wishes she could just lay down and die.

She runs to her room and locks the door,
She looks into the mirror and doesn't recognize the girl looking back anymore.
She grabs a razor and cuts in deep,
With the warm read liquid running down her arm, she falls into a deep, deep sleep.

Awaking in a white bed,
She thinks her dream has come true and that she is finally dead.
Until a nurse walks in to check upon her dressing,
Her dream is crushed, and this has caused her stressing.

Her doctors have put her on medication,
Form her family and herself, this will consist of dedication.
And for the rest of her life, she must live mentally and physically scarred,
Never wanting to leave her own backyard.
 Nov 2015 Santiago
WickedHope
I'm just thinking of the man with his flawless rhymes and carefully calculated poems
And of the most poetic boy I've ever known
Wondering why I associated both of them with the color green

      ~       ~       ~

Green eyes
I've always wanted green eyes
Green is money
Green is growth
Green is spring
Green is life
But I've seen too much death
I've touched too much death
I've caused too much death
I've loved death
I've chased it, begged it, taunted it
Death is around me
I suppose that explains the blackness of my eyes

But your eyes
Oh the eyes that take away the pain
Those warm comforting eyes
That belong to a man I love so much it kills me every time I have to say goodbye
The man who I so desperately want to share everything with
The man who protects me
Who saves me
Saves me from the lies I tell without even speaking
My best friend that I can never keep
He is only on loan for brief moments
The moments I truly need him
The man who gave me love
The man who made me greater than myself

But your eyes
The hypnotizingly icy eyes of the boy I wanted to desire
I desired more than I was allowed
More than he allowed
More than they allowed
More than I could have
I lied lies he didn't believe
I guess that proves it
He was always smarter than me
A boy with eyes that could ****
Held his kindness close to his heart
He showed it to me in fleeting shadows and whispers
The boy who let me take a breath, though perhaps I held it in for too long
If this is about you, message me. Please.
- - -
Sort of a stream of consciousness... kinda.
Sorry this is ****.
 Nov 2015 Santiago
Holly Jones
Used
 Nov 2015 Santiago
Holly Jones
I used to be liked

I used to have friends 

I used to want to try at things 

I used to like myself 

I used to be able to cope with things

I used to be able to sleep 

I used to not have lines on my skin

I used to have a powerful mind 

I used to be smart

I used to be invited places

I used to know everyone

I used to know who I was
I used to not have panic attacks
I used to be able to make anyone laugh
I used to be able to act normal

I used to not be completely horrible 

I used to breathe
Not really a poem in a way more of like a speech of what I used to be, but whatever
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