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as i approach 50 I think
how did this happen...me getting old I mean.
I know the alternative is not that appealing...
but perhaps a granting of my own personal groundhog day is a worthy wish....it doesn't matter which.
I could craft most any day of my life into something spectacular!
Is that wisdom?
After almost half a century, I've surmised to be suspended in time the best I could ask for? well maybe, perhaps then I could amend all my imperfections... reform all the mistakes I've made and re-emerge a better man...
just now it occurs to me...this could be my groundhog moment...the epiphany that the next 50 years brings me living a life well thought... more compassionate, more open, more giving, more alive!
....more likely, just more use of adult diapers...
these thoughts occurred to me in 2012, as I contemplated my impending birth date.
Take me away.
from this place
from these people
from this pain

Take me away
It's all ok
I'll keep it in
I'll just wait

Take me away
Into your arms
Out of their sight
just you and me

Take me away
from the cold nights
from the lonely home
from missing you so bad
My brain ain't functioning, sadly. My parents are kinda hot on my tail lately it's hard to keep up with my deadlines in classes and their neverending words that would just make me sit alone in my bed and cry... I know they're being parents and want what's best, but I can't handle it well of they involve my friends into what's happening with me.
I no longer see you as the person being the one to dry my tears
Instead you're the one that caused them
All the bruises my heart received
I never thought you would leave your own
If you were to touch me, your touch would no longer feel right
You calling me your friend, instead of your babygirl
Causes nothing but the blade to go in further
Your kisses I remember that use to set me aflame
Only cause me to burn on the inside
I remember the mark you left on me
It was a bruise on my already damaged heart
People wonder how can you love someone after they hurt you. You just don't stop loving someone. Emotions can't turn on and off
there is a black shine inside
a language in ruin
not to be read

like

big words learned
only to be jettisoned
for simpler ones

because they hit harder
and because they truth longer
She chases her men, she weeps and cries,
O' how do I tell her, she is being blind.
She falls each time, telling herself lies,
Try hard to tell her, what she looks for, she won't find.

I tell her and I tell you too,
Your love isn't for the person but for the image in your mind,
So is the other, in love with an image of you.
This kind of love, so misaligned.

That's all a relationship is,
The conflict of a mental image,
What you feel, you think it's bliss,
But are befooled by a mirage.

The illusion, created based on your past,
The image, projected based on your need,
Love is to be felt, not forced to last,
You become time and again, a victim of your greed.

You never fall in love with the person,
But with the feelings you give yourself,
Realize this, you will be loving without a reason,
You will come home to your true self.
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