she painted my world red.
I loved red.
the love. the passion. the fire.
But despite her tenderness
the flames consumed me

I painted my world yellow.
warmth and sunshine and happiness.
I became a sunflower
always pointing towards the light
I loved yellow

But I learned to love orange.
I learned to love our worlds together.
I learned to love myself
while I loved you.
and now orange is my favorite color

I was 11 the first time you flashed your crooked smile my way
Swaggering up to me with that innocent laugh
Calling me "darling" and "sweetheart"
Making me believe i was special

I was 13 the first time you found the excuse to feel my body
Constantly crooning soft words into my ear
Proclaiming me as your inspiration
Your muse

I was 15 when I first learned to be truly afraid of your presence
When you called me hot
When you compared us to a couple from game of thrones
When you looked down my leotard

I was 16 when you first made me flinch
Teasing me with playful pokes to the back when i couldn't move
commenting on my homecoming dress
never ending conversations of how you found me alluring

All I know is that the sun is shining
And I am here
And somehow that’s enough.

Everything is ugly
her body, her words, her laugh
she longs for perfection
but only slips deeper into emptiness
until she becomes less than nothing