A little loneliness    
that is all I want  
But the world is an old TV
it can't be turned off    
pictures fuzzing  
sounds humming    
emotions being tossed about    
Just now I was hit by  
a huge yellow ball of anxiety    
followed by a yell:  
"Come on, throw it back! Be a part!"  
But I didn't want to be a part  
so I did nothing but let it go...  
A little loneliness    
That is all I need    
before I jump into the next moment

My heart is heavy.
A little bit heavy.
Not like lead
or rocks
or ice.

It is one too many blankets, starting to sweat;
overthink socks, starting to itch;
cold caramels refusing to soften. It is

one too many blankets and
just a little bit comforting.

Sea of rubber, storm of rock
Ponder endless, mudslide thoughts
Never,
      never,
           never        
stops
    Until I
cannot see

Batter, torment, carry, pour
Solid things are shifting shores
    Until
I cannot hear

Sighs are monsters, out from under
Mud is made of every mutter
Thunder fades into more thunder
    Avalanche demands

All of what you thought was peace
deserts to deserts underseas
the grains of sand
climb past  your knees

    and now i cannot think

I used to hide from walls of rock
  or shrink into a corner;
    
    at least
cement
    is solid set

courage is not what they think it is.

courage is desperate and shrieking and shattered in one thousand places,

the final threads that should have snapped long ago.

Maybe

i'm not as dead
or tired
or old
or boring

as i thought i was.

No, i'm not as dead as i thought.

driftwood on the surf
the quaking of a feather
my unstable heart