This world is not meant for dreamers, poets or lovers
only to be torn apart
slowly dissected by death's scythe
worn down by the language of life
words, weapons and worries
all designed to destroy us
losing yourself in a flurry
a chaos of accidental karma
taken by the hand and led astray
I never wanted to harm her
I just wanted it my own way
a perfected illusion
trying to mould life to suit our ideals
but it's those same ideas that ****
torturing us during the night
and rotting our insides by the day
the maggots of the mind
make bait for the fishes
the world is full of sharks
this world is malicious
as I wade through the dark
you devour me whole
spit out my bones
and consume my soul
then leave me alone
for there's no more you can take
there's nothing of value left
when I rise I will be awake
or else my name is death.

love is not
a thing
that gives
choices,
it just arrives,
takes you
destroys you.

it has done
nothing but
make a fool
out of me.

knocking me over,
gripping my
cold wretched heart
without mercy.

making me
irrational,
fierce,
defensive,
determined.

unable to
break the spell,
paralyzed by
absolutely ludicrous
beliefs.

-

i deleted all
the music
off my phone
because
storage was
scarce.

but in the dark,
in the rain,
cruising,
comes
sad song playlist
all by itself,
unsummoned,
pushed from
the clouds
back into
my mind,

my chest,
where i feel a
sudden tightening,
a deep,
wrenching
pain.

so i sit
in the driveway
and let it finish,

let the sadness
roll right
into me,
and eyes closed,
tearless,
i dreamt of you.

I feel at ease when I breathe in
The scent entitled
'home'
It's ingredients are the memories
I've had to endure
And some I have enjoyed
My room used to smell like my tears
And my sobs
It now smells of temple incense
And sweat
from touching myself at night
Now my car has a smell
It's new and I'm learning
How to label it
But everyone says it's good
My clothes have a scent and some
Are so old
The smell lingers for years and
As I pull over a sweatshirt
I remember a familiar face
I'm wrapped up in your scent
As if you're breathing on my neck
Instead of a caress
It is suffocating
The threads hold memories of how
Your hair smelled
How the shampoo you used
Irritated my skin
And how the **** you smoked
Was skunky and strong
Now you smell of cigarettes and
Spit
I wish to never taste
That scent again
My blankets enfold me in
Summer nights
And my pillow case is wet
My carpet is stained orange-
But I could talk about the stains
I've come to memorize
For years
A smell goes away
And I forget who it comes from
If it was mine
Or yours