A known stranger,
An unknown blood tie.
A bond formed by truth,
A relation tangled in lies.

A manipulative familiarity,
An aching small piece of mine.
A place darker then night sky,
A light resurrect everytime it die.

The hatred lurching,
Underneath blinding smile.
A soothing presence,
On other side of the phone line.

Hands raised,
To sooth the ache.
Inflicted by the sworn,
Proctector of this life.

Authorities,making decisions.
Certain rules seems to apply.
The duty left to fullfil,
By another,keeping on stand by.

Being yours,
           Is a curse.
Not being yours,
           Is certainly worse.

Identity crises,
      Or maybe crises of a life time.
Comes the time to pick,
      Still choose the blood tie.

Dark blue sky,
    Not a star to shine .
Overwhelming pride,
    Nothing can excite.

No breathing room,
     No personal space.
Made of glitter and stones,
     My golden cage .

Dull rhythm,
      of my breathing,
Unblinking eyes,
      Not a key in sight.

Unchained bondages ,
      Invisible clutches.
Insignificant life,
      Unexisted existence.

Shivering bodies,
      Blazing minds.
Fearing monsters,
     Being one inside.

Only shreds are left,
    Nothing to sacrifice.
They say I'm privileged,
    Choosing to stay the other side.

As I made the journey...
       From "what I could"...to "what I should "..
I died a thousand million deaths.

Every insecurity. ..
       Every doubt...
               Every failure...
                      Every fear....
Came rushing towards....
           knocking me a few pegs down.

The mirror.......the reality..
The choices.......the destiny..
My life......my sanctuary. .
My safe place.....my sanity.

The mess I've created...
    The Love I crave...
My heart losing control. ...
     My mind telling to behave.

The battle ground inside...
    Which side to choose...
No matter how I play it...
     It is me whose gonna lose.

My eyes cry...
     My lips smile...
          My heart beats...
                My soul dies.

One moment. ..one emotion.
I was lost to oblivion...
      A different version of myself.
For better or for worse??
       You were there......
              Do you not like me anymore?.

You pull me up,
        When I let you down.
I'm the one who float,
        You bring me to the ground.
You are better than me,
        You make me better.
You put us back together,
        Everytime when  I shatter.
I'm the one guilty,
         You are the one who plead.
I'm evolving,
         You are the one who succeed.
I have desire for the wings,
         You are my teether without any string.
You make me stronger,
          When I make you weak.
You are a part of me,
          Without me you can't exist.
I'm understanding,
           You are the depth.
I'm the words ,
            You are the strength.
You are everything,
            That I need and want to have.

Can you hear me??
    I'm calling you....
             Without my words.
Can you feel me??
    I'm touching you....
             With my presence.
Can you see me??
   I'm right there....
               Besides you.
Can you exist? ?
   With or without me??
Can you smell me??
   I'm living in your essence.
Can you live??
   As I'm alive for your breath.
Or can you let go??
   So I could die in peace.

Living in the memories of you.
Dying a little every day for you.
Hoping to find a distraction,
Or maybe for wishes to come true.

They say people come and go in your life.
Why didn't they tell,
There's only bits and pieces to gather,
Of what has been left behind?.

Why didn't they have the road map,
For passing it through.
Or Maybe a magic potion to go back in time?.

Seeing myself in your eyes..
Made me feel beautiful.
Now I can't see myself without wishing for your eyes.
Not a blanket in the world to keep me warm,
Without having you by my side.
It's a dreadful feeling,
Wishing to be here as well as the other side.

Emotions filled up to the brim
starts to leak out...
It hurts all over the place
Someone please tell my mind 'time-out'.

The tears seems unending. ..
The heart uncontrolled. ..
The way to my home...
Blocked with an open door.

I've seen the worst of it,
I'm standing at the same place.
It's been a thing to forget,
It was kinda my safe place.

As if the world slows down,
With my each passing breath.
As if my heart trying to fight,
It's way out my chest.
As if I'm soon gonna wake up,
From this life in nightmare.
As if I could wash it all way,
With nothing but my tears.
As if it would stop being inside me,
If I take it out on paper.
As if I can fill this void,
With just my sheer passion,
As if I can go back,
and start from the beginning.

No words can describe,
What it's like to be here.
No words can portray,
This collateral damage.

It's a funeral of my heart,
Don't know how I've survived.
The faces I love,
Wanna run away from and just hide.

Can I say what I want?
Would it matter?....absolutely not.
Everything is a waste..
Every effort in vain..
Every moment drags..
Every life a sentence..

I'm alone in every memory,
Why I miss.. anything wasn't here..
Why does it feels...
As if you left in this very moment.

I won't show anymore...
The feelings I have.
I won't relish being in pain...
This poem will be the last.

He came to my life..
When I wasn't expecting him.
He stayed for four days.
And I lost my everything to him.

I didn't know how that happened! !
We were just doing what felt right.
Now I can't get him out of my mind.

I want him to come back.
I told him to go.
I wish there was another world.
Where he and I can have more.

Now I wish him the happiness.
And someone to fill his loneliness.
To have a good and fulfill life.
And a love to last a lifetime.

Some says it's a journey,
Some says it's an experience.
I say it's a roller coastar.
The exhilaration of going up,
The calmness of coming down.
The pulsing of excitement,
The serenity of the quiet.
The tears of heartbreak.
And the tears of joy.
The butterflies of falling in love.
The gut ranching feeling of loosing someone.
The togetherness of family.
The companionship of the friendship.
The celebrations of a new life.
The funerals and goodbyes.
The beauty of mother nature.
And the ugly side of humans.
The innocence of a child.
The aqua and wild life.
It's really hard to contain it in just few lines.

I know that

        you are waiting

                    For me to say something

                                    Like always.

But this time

        I'm choosing

                     To stay quite.

On a certain moment of your life,
You will think about. ..
What is it that you've achieved? ?or
What is it that you've earned?

Is it the material you've collected? ?
Or the emotions you've felt??
Is it the grand gestures you've received?
Or the moments of eternal peace? ?

Are the relations made for life?
Or the life made for relations? ?
Does love conquer all?
Or it doesn't matter at all. .

A life before the death. .
A life lived without the depth. .
Insignificant. ..extra...or ordinary. .
A life of big.....or a life of small? ?
So many questions. ...
No one answers anymore.

I asked you to let it go,
    You kept chasing me .
I told you there isn't any us,
   You choose to ignore me.
I asked you to knock it off,
   You kept being cheesy.
After all these things,
     How can you blame me?
On ever turn ....
              I feel your watching.
At every moment. ..
              I see you waiting.
Even if I wanted to..
               I can't force the feeling.
Am I actually reason for your heartbreak? ?
     Or you just refuse to see it?
If I hadn't make myself clear. ..
   You are nowhere near my head or heart baby.

Anger,
              Pain,
                      And burning eyes.
Hurt,
          Despair,
                         And despise.
Hate,
           Blame,
                        And smile.
Flames,
             Blisters,
                           In disguise.
Tears left,
                   And Tears dry.

You don't know where to begin,
               But it's not too late.
I'll take you there don't worry,
               I won't let you escape.
Even if I'm a consolation,
               Don't try to manipulate.
You are my salvation,
                I can be your clean slate.

The morning breeze. ..
        Stings on cheeks. ...
            Making them rosy red. ...
                Doing the work of caffeine fix.

Waking up from sleepy stupor....
       Floating through hairs. ....
            Making them look like the bird nest...
          
Fingers chilled. ...
    Shivering bodies...
        Chattering teeth .....
             Reminding that we're still alive.

Oblivion...
       A mirage of an existence
Passion...
       Mediocrity being persistent.
Drifting...
      Crash landing on a pile of disappointment.

The walls built to protect,
The walls of sand castle.
The walls keep closing,
The walls becomes the world,

Putting up with empty values,
Dictation on every step.
The Barriers built to teach,
The Barriers meet amends.

Should've tried harder
Should've work for my existence
Should've told to mind their business
Should've built my own castle.

Cause the reason..
The reason I couldn't find myself
The reason I lost my breath
The reason concrete cemented
And castle turned to cage..

The reason my wings broke
The reason I forget to fly
The reason there's no ground beneath my feet...
And the reason is me.

Have you ever felt??
As if you are watching your own life from far away?.
Have you ever felt? ?
As if this thing thats inside you.,it has a shape and aching presence that's eating you away.?
Have you ever felt? ?
As if you don't even recognise yourself?.
Have you ever felt? ?
Like a candle burning from both sides?.
Have you ever get tired??
Of always being sane and good and nice?.
Have you ever regretted??
Letting your decision get away??
Have you ever looked into the mirror?. .
And promised yourself to be a little bit more selfish? ?..

I tried to walk slow
To always look for you
To take the life in pieces
But I can't anymore...

To hold inside my heart
Your pains your secrets
To look the other way
When you broke me to pieces.

To love you with all of me
To be your only constant
To be the love you hate
To let you be my only mistake.

I was struggling to find
The love I hoped for myself
But the dreams I lived
The dreams of your eyes..

The light was yours
While I burn like a candle
There was only a spark
But we made the fire.

A star shine in the sky
You made me the night
I hold on to your darkness
Onto the hope to be alright.

But the harder I hold
The faster you slipped
The dreams of us forgotten
I'll let you live in your bliss.

Maybe it's worth saving
But I can't save it anymore
Maybe it's my destiny
But maybe.... it's not.

Once we plant a tree of love.
If it blossomed ..would have been nice.
But it didn't. .so it's okay.
Nothing happened. .it's okay.
We couldn't be together. .it's okay.
There's nothing left for me..it's okay.

You were my journey,I was stranger.
You were the first note of the song,
I was the chorus.
You used to look like mine.
Like you were made for me.
Like we were meant to be.
But it didn't happened. ..it's okay.

Now tears and heartbreak are my best friends.
But I still have a smile on my face.
And even if I don't get a single thing out of this life..it's okay.

Oh life....
I've called for you.
Thought and nourished you.
But you didn't like it.
But you didn't believe it.
I was trying to make it up to you.
Now your eyes are upset with me.
But it's okay..

How do you see the light in anyone,,?
When all you've known is darkness.
How do you trust anyone,,?
When the one that hurt the most had seemed harmless.
How do you chase away your demons,,?
When you've lost all your innocence.

When the small things become bigger,
When all you can think about is betrayal,
When the purgatory is perpetual,
Is it really about revenge or is it the only way to complete the circle.?

Would you wish upon yourself another loss..?
If you couldn't have the victory.
Would you fight when you know..
You'll give into the attraction eventually.

Or is it better to live in fear?..
Rather than becoming it yourself..
Has it really been a question?..
If it can provide that much need closure.

Confused cute creator,
A habit of keeping it inside.
I've died in every moment,
For you to uncover it,
Waited...for you to come outside.

Mysterious mystical moments,
A smile worth millions.
Hardened shell around it,
My heart took a hammer,
For yours...to cracking it.

Dangerous discovered desires,
An ignorant tactic.
Looking the other way and around,
Changes the courses of action,
For you...just to avoid it.

Ever expressive eyes,
An emotion couldn't able to hide.
Watching beyond the surface,
A contact held,
For us...to embrace it.

Failure free future,
An attempt being fruitless.
A break up without relation,
My heart couldn't reach,
To you...what's been your innocence.

From the moment we met.
                 To the moment you left.
I knew you gonna hurt me,
                    Gonna let me down..
      Oh! You let me down so gently.

You were always right.
                 I always at the fault.
I showered you with trust,affection and friendship .
                You kept your's hidden in a vault.

I was quick to response.
          Always eager for more.
You were hesitant in everything you did.
           Wasn't able to assure.

It was a modern day fairy-tale.
       Not at all a happily ever after.
But you did leave a scar behind.
       For me to remember you forever.

You are the mistake I don't regret.
      I stepped into it aware and intentionally.
But I didn't count to get my heart involved.
And getting "let down gently".

An uncertain situation.
A faithless faith.
A hope shattered facing the eyes.
A life living in vain.

Crumbs!! That's all what left.
Hands too small to grasp..
Blank minds...
And hallow chest.
Unbreakable bonds...
And the treasure chest.

The hidden darkness,
That comes to surface.
Every corner occupies. .
No place to escape.

Chains around the ankles..
Bogeyman lurking from every side.
Crying....
Trying to reach out and to hide.
But imagine the surprise. .
When demon came with beloved face
And warm eyes.

Another day of waiting,
Another day of hoping,
Another day of thinking,this might be it.
Another day of feeling drained,needing to recharge it.
Another day of praying,
Another day of realising ,God have another plans.
Another day of trying to get it out of my head.
Another day of working on being optimist.
Another day of being bone tired ,and trying not to resist.
Another day of moving,because it's required.
Another day of not letting my mind loose.
Another day of wishing to have a choice to choose.
Another day of smiling for others.
Another day of living just see another.
Another day of waiting ,
Another day of Hoping,
Just another one praying.

I don't know who we are.....
               Half of the time.
All I know we exist. ...
               In the moment of time.

I don't want you...
               Out my side.
Just let me have you...
               One more time.
I'm trying to hold on...
                Let's take a pause for a while.
You don't have to go over many heights.
                Just grace me with your smile.
Don't be afraid to fall,
                I will be here to catch you every time.
Because we are...
                The moment of the time.

When I sat alone and look inside, all I found was solid heartache and longing.

Heartache of getting too close to something but still having it out of reach.

Longing of having that thing out of reach but that doesn't stop my heart from thinking about "what if"?.

I don't know if it's the person I miss or the feeling..
I don't know if it's the reasons it didn't happen or me..
I don't know if I wanted to survive or die trying..
I don't know if it's the eyes were at the fault or your smile..
I don't know if I was the one to drove you away or insecurities inside..
I don't know if .........
I don't know.

With the promise to never see each other again,
we started our journey on the separate paths.
Crossing the bridges,
Mounting the hurdles,
When we reached our destined destinations,
We were facing the same side.

Come closer if you please,
I'll calm the storm you're trying to ease.
Being pliant in your hands,
Oh baby!..I won't make demands.

Give me anything you have..
It's alright. ...I won't ask for what you can't.
In this unknown we're living in,
I promise...I won't expect.

It's all hidden in the depth of your soul,
We're something to be proud...just keep on holding on.
A secret closest to the heart...
To only us it's known.

Navigate your way through your heart,
You won't ever be astray.
I know what it's like...
Oh baby. ..I ain't got no complaints.

You win...I'll lose,
You lose...I'll lose.
The argument we keep having,
Maybe it's us. ..trying not to chose.

We are perfect the way we are,
I don't want anything more.
I've got the most precious thing,
Nothing else can be given anymore.