I was high on your love.
But the reality sobered me up.
I was floating on the cloud nine.
Then I realised that you'll never be mine.

But I'm okay! !..I've accepted it.
That sometimes that just it.
This thing between you and me.
I'm gonna behold and cherish it.

I promise to be your sacred place.
Where you can be anything you want.
I promise to be always there for you.
No matter what it is that you want.
Just be my friend,
Trust me we're gonna have a blast.

How do you see the light in anyone,,?
When all you've known is darkness.
How do you trust anyone,,?
When the one that hurt the most had seemed harmless.
How do you chase away your demons,,?
When you've lost all your innocence.

When the small things become bigger,
When all you can think about is betrayal,
When the purgatory is perpetual,
Is it really about revenge or is it the only way to complete the circle.?

Would you wish upon yourself another loss..?
If you couldn't have the victory.
Would you fight when you know..
You'll give into the attraction eventually.

Or is it better to live in fear?..
Rather than becoming it yourself..
Has it really been a question?..
If it can provide that much need closure.

Can you hear me??
    I'm calling you....
             Without my words.
Can you feel me??
    I'm touching you....
             With my presence.
Can you see me??
   I'm right there....
               Besides you.
Can you exist? ?
   With or without me??
Can you smell me??
   I'm living in your essence.
Can you live??
   As I'm alive for your breath.
Or can you let go??
   So I could die in peace.

You pull me up,
        When I let you down.
I'm the one who float,
        You bring me to the ground.
You are better than me,
        You make me better.
You put us back together,
        Everytime when  I shatter.
I'm the one guilty,
         You are the one who plead.
I'm evolving,
         You are the one who succeed.
I have desire for the wings,
         You are my teether without any string.
You make me stronger,
          When I make you weak.
You are a part of me,
          Without me you can't exist.
I'm understanding,
           You are the depth.
I'm the words ,
            You are the strength.
You are everything,
            That I need and want to have.

As I made the journey...
       From "what I could"...to "what I should "..
I died a thousand million deaths.

Every insecurity. ..
       Every doubt...
               Every failure...
                      Every fear....
Came rushing towards....
           knocking me a few pegs down.

The mirror.......the reality..
The choices.......the destiny..
My life......my sanctuary. .
My safe place.....my sanity.

The mess I've created...
    The Love I crave...
My heart losing control. ...
     My mind telling to behave.

The battle ground inside...
    Which side to choose...
No matter how I play it...
     It is me whose gonna lose.

My eyes cry...
     My lips smile...
          My heart beats...
                My soul dies.

One moment. ..one emotion.
I was lost to oblivion...
      A different version of myself.
For better or for worse??
       You were there......
              Do you not like me anymore?.

You came slowly .....
       With your silent feet,
               And hushed breath.

Sneaking behind me .....
        As the silent sea,
               Before tsunami.

Swept me away.....
      In your whirlwind,
               Snatching the ground beneath my feet.

I was floating with your current.....
        At the mercy of your waves,
             Catching breath in-between my last priority.

I was yours....
     Being drown or saved.
I was yours....
     To discard or to hold.
I was yours....
     With my body and soul.

But in the chaos erupting around. ..
       I forgot......
             To ask you to be mine.

Have you ever felt??
As if you are watching your own life from far away?.
Have you ever felt? ?
As if this thing thats inside you.,it has a shape and aching presence that's eating you away.?
Have you ever felt? ?
As if you don't even recognise yourself?.
Have you ever felt? ?
Like a candle burning from both sides?.
Have you ever get tired??
Of always being sane and good and nice?.
Have you ever regretted??
Letting your decision get away??
Have you ever looked into the mirror?. .
And promised yourself to be a little bit more selfish? ?..

On a certain moment of your life,
You will think about. ..
What is it that you've achieved? ?or
What is it that you've earned?

Is it the material you've collected? ?
Or the emotions you've felt??
Is it the grand gestures you've received?
Or the moments of eternal peace? ?

Are the relations made for life?
Or the life made for relations? ?
Does love conquer all?
Or it doesn't matter at all. .

A life before the death. .
A life lived without the depth. .
Insignificant. ..extra...or ordinary. .
A life of big.....or a life of small? ?
So many questions. ...
No one answers anymore.

Oblivion...
       A mirage of an existence
Passion...
       Mediocrity being persistent.
Drifting...
      Crash landing on a pile of disappointment.

The walls built to protect,
The walls of sand castle.
The walls keep closing,
The walls becomes the world,

Putting up with empty values,
Dictation on every step.
The Barriers built to teach,
The Barriers meet amends.

Should've tried harder
Should've work for my existence
Should've told to mind their business
Should've built my own castle.

Cause the reason..
The reason I couldn't find myself
The reason I lost my breath
The reason concrete cemented
And castle turned to cage..

The reason my wings broke
The reason I forget to fly
The reason there's no ground beneath my feet...
And the reason is me.

Emotions filled up to the brim
starts to leak out...
It hurts all over the place
Someone please tell my mind 'time-out'.

The tears seems unending. ..
The heart uncontrolled. ..
The way to my home...
Blocked with an open door.

I've seen the worst of it,
I'm standing at the same place.
It's been a thing to forget,
It was kinda my safe place.

As if the world slows down,
With my each passing breath.
As if my heart trying to fight,
It's way out my chest.
As if I'm soon gonna wake up,
From this life in nightmare.
As if I could wash it all way,
With nothing but my tears.
As if it would stop being inside me,
If I take it out on paper.
As if I can fill this void,
With just my sheer passion,
As if I can go back,
and start from the beginning.

No words can describe,
What it's like to be here.
No words can portray,
This collateral damage.

It's a funeral of my heart,
Don't know how I've survived.
The faces I love,
Wanna run away from and just hide.

Can I say what I want?
Would it matter?....absolutely not.
Everything is a waste..
Every effort in vain..
Every moment drags..
Every life a sentence..

I'm alone in every memory,
Why I miss.. anything wasn't here..
Why does it feels...
As if you left in this very moment.

I won't show anymore...
The feelings I have.
I won't relish being in pain...
This poem will be the last.

A touch like feather,
             Like warm summer weather.
A hope shining bright,
             And stars twinkling eyes.
A promise of a new life,
             No reasons to hide.
A love forbidden,
             A color that's crimson.
A feeling like wind in the hair,
            The life about to be shared.
A dodged bullet,
            And a happy ever after.

Some says it's a journey,
Some says it's an experience.
I say it's a roller coastar.
The exhilaration of going up,
The calmness of coming down.
The pulsing of excitement,
The serenity of the quiet.
The tears of heartbreak.
And the tears of joy.
The butterflies of falling in love.
The gut ranching feeling of loosing someone.
The togetherness of family.
The companionship of the friendship.
The celebrations of a new life.
The funerals and goodbyes.
The beauty of mother nature.
And the ugly side of humans.
The innocence of a child.
The aqua and wild life.
It's really hard to contain it in just few lines.

I know that

        you are waiting

                    For me to say something

                                    Like always.

But this time

        I'm choosing

                     To stay quite.

You don't know where to begin,
               But it's not too late.
I'll take you there don't worry,
               I won't let you escape.
Even if I'm a consolation,
               Don't try to manipulate.
You are my salvation,
                I can be your clean slate.

I asked you to let it go,
    You kept chasing me .
I told you there isn't any us,
   You choose to ignore me.
I asked you to knock it off,
   You kept being cheesy.
After all these things,
     How can you blame me?
On ever turn ....
              I feel your watching.
At every moment. ..
              I see you waiting.
Even if I wanted to..
               I can't force the feeling.
Am I actually reason for your heartbreak? ?
     Or you just refuse to see it?
If I hadn't make myself clear. ..
   You are nowhere near my head or heart baby.

Anger,
              Pain,
                      And burning eyes.
Hurt,
          Despair,
                         And despise.
Hate,
           Blame,
                        And smile.
Flames,
             Blisters,
                           In disguise.
Tears left,
                   And Tears dry.

I know....
    You are totally rooting for my short-comings.
I'm sure....
     You'd love to tell me all about it.
I hope you know...
     There's nothing you can say to surprise me.
I wonder. ..
      If you're aware ...it's impossible to break me.

Confused cute creator,
A habit of keeping it inside.
I've died in every moment,
For you to uncover it,
Waited...for you to come outside.

Mysterious mystical moments,
A smile worth millions.
Hardened shell around it,
My heart took a hammer,
For yours...to cracking it.

Dangerous discovered desires,
An ignorant tactic.
Looking the other way and around,
Changes the courses of action,
For you...just to avoid it.

Ever expressive eyes,
An emotion couldn't able to hide.
Watching beyond the surface,
A contact held,
For us...to embrace it.

Failure free future,
An attempt being fruitless.
A break up without relation,
My heart couldn't reach,
To you...what's been your innocence.

I wrote ...I erased...
I refined it....then wrote it again.

The words....of the memories....
Writing the soul....with different stories.

Calmed breathing...finally controlled...
Pulse under normal...then.... I let go.

Another day of waiting,
Another day of hoping,
Another day of thinking,this might be it.
Another day of feeling drained,needing to recharge it.
Another day of praying,
Another day of realising ,God have another plans.
Another day of trying to get it out of my head.
Another day of working on being optimist.
Another day of being bone tired ,and trying not to resist.
Another day of moving,because it's required.
Another day of not letting my mind loose.
Another day of wishing to have a choice to choose.
Another day of smiling for others.
Another day of living just see another.
Another day of waiting ,
Another day of Hoping,
Just another one praying.

Only missing you
When the lights are out.

That kinda relation
Have you ever thought about?

One moment ....
       After another.
In this toxic.....
       Chemical reaction.

A constant...
        Tug of war
Is that what...
  You called a solution?

A memory lost...
    On an empty emotion.
A scar left behind...
     A serious need to question.

To hear the unsung...
    On the wavy flow of motion.
Struggle to contain within...
    Go ahead ...have a conversation.

I see you,see you everywhere.
I see you,see you as if you're bare.
I see you,when you try to hide.
I see you,as you are mine.
Oh baby please,tell me please. ..
Is this love??

I feel you,feel you in your absence.
I feel you,feel you in my presence.
I feel you,feel you in my hurt.
I feel you,feel you in my chest.
Oh baby please,tell me please. ..
Is this love??

I need you,need you as if you're air.
I need you,need you as my anchor.
I need you,need you flowing in my blood.
I need you,need you beyond and above.
Oh baby please,tell me please...
Is this love??.

I like you,like your cracking voice.
I like you,like your twinkling eyes.
I like you,like your crooked smile.
I like you,like your distinct smell.
I like you,like your weird humour.
I like you,like even your stinky sweat.
Oh baby please, tell me please ...
Is this love??

I miss you,miss you when I'm sad.
I miss you,miss you when I want to dance.
I miss you,miss you in the crowd.
I miss you,miss you when I'm all alone.
Oh baby ....tell me now...
Is this love??

I'm afraid, afraid to love you.
I'm afraid, afraid to loose you.
I'm afraid, afraid to hold you.
And I'm afraid, afraid to let you go.
Oh baby.....is this love??.

The morning breeze. ..
        Stings on cheeks. ...
            Making them rosy red. ...
                Doing the work of caffeine fix.

Waking up from sleepy stupor....
       Floating through hairs. ....
            Making them look like the bird nest...
          
Fingers chilled. ...
    Shivering bodies...
        Chattering teeth .....
             Reminding that we're still alive.

Once we plant a tree of love.
If it blossomed ..would have been nice.
But it didn't. .so it's okay.
Nothing happened. .it's okay.
We couldn't be together. .it's okay.
There's nothing left for me..it's okay.

You were my journey,I was stranger.
You were the first note of the song,
I was the chorus.
You used to look like mine.
Like you were made for me.
Like we were meant to be.
But it didn't happened. ..it's okay.

Now tears and heartbreak are my best friends.
But I still have a smile on my face.
And even if I don't get a single thing out of this life..it's okay.

Oh life....
I've called for you.
Thought and nourished you.
But you didn't like it.
But you didn't believe it.
I was trying to make it up to you.
Now your eyes are upset with me.
But it's okay..

When I sat alone and look inside, all I found was solid heartache and longing.

Heartache of getting too close to something but still having it out of reach.

Longing of having that thing out of reach but that doesn't stop my heart from thinking about "what if"?.

I don't know if it's the person I miss or the feeling..
I don't know if it's the reasons it didn't happen or me..
I don't know if I wanted to survive or die trying..
I don't know if it's the eyes were at the fault or your smile..
I don't know if I was the one to drove you away or insecurities inside..
I don't know if .........
I don't know.

I don't know who we are.....
               Half of the time.
All I know we exist. ...
               In the moment of time.

I don't want you...
               Out my side.
Just let me have you...
               One more time.
I'm trying to hold on...
                Let's take a pause for a while.
You don't have to go over many heights.
                Just grace me with your smile.
Don't be afraid to fall,
                I will be here to catch you every time.
Because we are...
                The moment of the time.

Your mischievous eyes,
Your breathtaking smile.
Your nerdy analogies,
Every other sentence being an apology.

Your love for stir-fry,
The obession with sci-fi.
Your fleeting crushes on movie stars,
Your favourite dark chocolate bar?.

Your silent observations,
Your lengthy conversations.
Your turquoise reading glasses,
Your passion about comics.

Your unapologetic attitude,
Your unbound energy.
The depth hidden in your innocent package,
Your story outrageous and crazy.

Your untied laces,
Still packed boxes?
Everywhere left your litter,
Your mouth without the filter.

The different sides of your personality,
The stubbornness about your dignity.
The way you refuse any help,
Doing everything by yourself.

And Your sneaky ways to melt any heart.

An uncertain situation.
A faithless faith.
A hope shattered facing the eyes.
A life living in vain.

Crumbs!! That's all what left.
Hands too small to grasp..
Blank minds...
And hallow chest.
Unbreakable bonds...
And the treasure chest.

The hidden darkness,
That comes to surface.
Every corner occupies. .
No place to escape.

Chains around the ankles..
Bogeyman lurking from every side.
Crying....
Trying to reach out and to hide.
But imagine the surprise. .
When demon came with beloved face
And warm eyes.