my Heart is bleeding
dripping hope and all my love
never to be seen

spreading
it creeps
plaguing your mind
filling your heart
flowing your veins
clouding your mind
glassing over your eyes
much
like
hate

bugs
siblings
annoying
but only sometimes
doing some things right
only sometimes

the feeling
that on moment
the first glance
what does that even mean
there are lots of feelings
life is made up of moments
how could it
really
be the the first time
if it leads to
forever

I watch the blood drip
and
leave a stain upon the
knife
I cry tears of joy
knowing I'm still
alive

look around
take it all in
welcome
to nothing worth it
in my new "life"
now I'm stuck
just keep going forward

I'm bleeding
So I'm still surviving
I'm crying
so I'm still human
I am still singing
so I'm still living

Falling from the sky
white as can be
drifting into drifts
piling into piles
lightning the black pavement
lighting the eyes of children
bringing a little joy

set your heart on fire
take the plunge
take some risk
light it
let it burn
allow your common sense
to fly away on the smoke
try the the forbidden
feel the burning in your chest
of young love

Come on
move along
go forward
keep moving
see ahead
make bad
better

Beautiful
smart
conscientious
polite
strong
           honestly
do know anyone
perfect?
nope

sitting on the roof
watching the stars
listening to the trees
thinking about
her

thoughts
notes
lyrics
rhymes
everything in between
good
bad
sad
mad
life is good
yeah right

run
leave
get away
from the
haters
guess what,
there everywhere

rest
day is done
all is ready
to sleep
moon is high
stars are bright
sleep

It's just a stage
It's just a phase
you'll get over it
it'll pass
yeah right
not every one thinks this
but to many do
it's not a stage
it's my life
there's nothing to get over
supposedly
we'll get through this together
everyone has insecurities
I don't need someone
to push me down
I need someone to lean on
yeah
everyone can be insecure
not everyone is born wrong
supposedly
you love me
yeah ******* right

As I lay to sleep
I look up at the stars
I think of my heart
and all the things that fill it
the music of the trees
the singing of the birds
the sweet sound of the forest
the whisper of a friends voice
filling me with with joy
I think of the people
who I hold dear
and hum a soft tune
of my past
In case I never wake
I silently thank all those
who truly care
In case I never wake

bright red
dripping
bleeding blood

cut slice
little lines
beads of blood
pain
yet
relief
I don't even know why,
why?

why
what have you done to me
ruined me
why did I deserve this
I was blinded by hope
hope of finding something real
all I have now
is
dead love

he she me
but he is not her
he loves and hates
he exists
she
she is a play
a game
a costume
but...
no
is me
I have removed the mask
that is me
I am him
I am me
deal with it

her
what has she done to me
all I have is a few ****** shards
she stole my heart
and crushed it

look at my heart
some will say
it's rotten
it's not even there
has it ever even been there?
or it's perfect
full to the brim
no blemishes
                     incorrect
that's my demon
my mask
a gift
and a curse
no one can see through it
no one can touch it
no one can find me

I pull one
out
and sink it
in
pulling it across
my skin

a place
I go looking around
I see no one
perfect
I remove the mask
because it's just me
no one judges
no one hates
but also
no one supports
no one loves
just me
and my mask

slowly
waiting
for just the right moment
It’s been building up for days
I need it to explode and release me
all the anger
sadness
I want to let go and scream
I can’t keep it in
let me the hell out of
the cage I call my mind
I growl and scream in frustration
nothing will happen
so frustrated
I can’t even be me
I just want to scream
every curse I know at the whole world
but I can’t

All those words
seen as bad
evil even
rude
profane
crude
         one question
why?
they're only words
why fear
what
you can't even see
there just words

No weight on my shoulders
I'm free
no ropes holding me down
yeah right
I got heartbreak holding me down
I got gender on my shoulders
I got sexuality eating me up
and you on my mind

slowly
waiting
for just the right moment
It’s been building up for days
I need it to explode and release me
all the anger
sadnes
I want to let go and scream
I can’t keep it in
let me the hell out of
the cage I call my mind
I growl and scream in frustration
nothing will happen
so frustrated
I can’t even be me
I just want to scream
every curse I know at the whole world
nothing happens
****

being gay isn't a choice
it's a gift
being gay isn't good
it's ******* fabulous!!!!

The end is near

We both know

My time with him was cut far too short

Never again will I feel the way he could make me feel

I cannot smile the way he could make for me

Only me

Alone

Until the end

my silly little heart

soothed and hurt

often enough

by small things

very small things

like music

or you

busted up

my heart crumbles

like a puzzle

lifted from the table

holding it together

now I need a new table

and a new heart

look at a poem

read a poem

you often find happiness

hope and love

you

simple reader

may think this poem is broken

sad instead of happy

but still full of hope and love

still

it is broken

and so am I

I hate it

The silence between our screams

The breaking glass

The rough terrain

Where you cannot make a right choice

You always slip up

It never really ends

After the storm

The tensions flow underneath

Until the next explosion

The jagged marble of the rock

Cut into my blistered feet

I look down into the swirling roiling

Waves below

Friends sit at the base of the rocks

scream my name

There cheers push me to the edge

They smile and hoot

in excitement for my stunt

I turn and smile

My boys stand behind me

He stands in the center

I know it is a dream

He visits me often in the one place

I am truly ever happy

He pulls me into a tight embrace

He fills me with scents of

Freedom

His lips brush mine and I fall backwards

Tears of pain fill my eyes

It is like losing him again

Losing myself

I will never lose him

Then I wake

see this cavity in my chest

this giant gaping hole

shattered shards of stone

litter the ****** bottom

bits and pieces

millions of cold little slivers

look at how the pain and love alike

ripped from my chest

my heart has been broken up

and removed from the huge space

good thing I have some backups in the freezer

Society steals away the right of

Individuality

Every girl who looks in the mirror

And cries

Every boy who cannot show who he

Loves

Because of gender

Every other person who hides their

Feelings behind fists

All those who has to carve themselves

******

to be seen,

Only to not be heard

I reach out to you

with one message

Rebel,

show society,

Show what you think of there

‘rules’

Take back your individuality,

and love who you see in your mirror

The silvery reflective face of my hand mirror, ringed with twists of silver metal

Distracts me with its simple beauty

From mine

The fabric of my silken dress slips around my hips

The ocean blue of my bangles clink metallically

Rattling my arms to the music

My long, loose hair flies free as the ribbon binding it slips off

My bare feet thump the warm forest dirt

Rhythmically they fly across the ground

The sweet magic

of my dance swirls around me as I swing

the end of my song is nearing

My heart raps against my chest

the final notes soar around me as I launch myself towards the treetops

the last jump of my dance encases me in joy, only the gravity of my landing brings me back

I hit the ground

Then the next song starts.

Deep notes: then

Deep notes fill my ears

My voice rebounds across the water

My toes dangle harmlessly into the rushing water

He sits at my side swaying with my notes

The hollow of my swanlike neck

Vibrates with music

The one and only thing I can give him

My voice

This is the way he described me

When I was with him

Deep notes: now

My long legs folded underneath me

My neck stretches as I try to create the same sound

Now the deep notes are deeper

My soul deeper

My voice is mine

The lament of lyrics and notes vibrate around me

Weaving a web of anguish

Never again will I hear

The clean, pure note of my happiness

As I see my reflection next to his in the river

Now I hear my pain

As the images of the trees around me are blurred with tears

Same voice, different beauty.

I look at him

His hopeless imperfections

And perfections

Blend together to create my forever choice of friend

Unknowingly holding the key to my original heart

Someday he will release it

And this act will end

If we last that long.

I scream for help

Never to be answered

Always alone, I stand in a crowed

Visible to all

Invisible forever

Hiding in plain sight

Will always work for me

But I will never be seen

Welcome to the middle of nowhere

Poetry filling the air

Screams piercing the fabric of time

Prayers float aimlessly, never to be answered

People just like me

We are all together

No matter how far apart

Our souls trapped together in a cage of emotions

In the middle of nowhere

The silence before the scream

The moment before the tear

The swing before the hit

The loss before the fall

The love before the pain

All have one thing in common

Anger

Each one cannot be taken back

Ever

Every day I force torture upon my mind

I stare into the mirror and cry

I watch the tear slip from my eyes

Down the track of my face

My mind filling with the horror

That I will be surrounded

yet

Forever alone

Except for my reflection

Heart dripping with green jealousy?

Envious glares shot at those

Who haven’t suffered?

Never.

I look around slowly

And try to scream

No noise comes through

Insanity of a

Nightmare I cannot escape

It grips me like a doll

And shakes me

Disoriented I look around

I run not knowing what else to do

My feet take me nowhere

Then I open my eyes

My breath slows

And I walk from my bed

Knowing that the nightmare

Can’t be real, even though I know it screams true

When I walk through my past

I search and search

and I never find it

The further I go the harder I sob

Once I find it, I can leave

So

I never left