Looking back at photos of me looking happy
A nice slim figure
No extra weight to carry
No face to be ashamed of

I have a house with no mirrors
Because I get disgusted by myself
When I happen to see a glare in a window
I only feel tears

"I'll call you sometime," he says as leaves.
That will never happen, ive so many times learned
He looked repulsed when he saw me
And my stomach just turned

Even my family feels hopeless
That one day I'll look lean
Around the table aouside we relaxed.
Later They hint I'm too fat
On my fat giant ***, the chair too small where I sat

Diets and cleanses
Jogging and biking is pointless
As fat just seems to add
I just get more sad


Nobody knows in the dressing room I cry
After rejection I sob
After a meal I feel guilty
When I breathe and I live
It seems so silly

But maybe one day I'll be happy and skinny
I won't be alone, eating won't feel like I'm sinning
So the mirrors that I threw out
The pants that are huge
The face disgustingly ugly
The way I look, I have no excuse.

“Quiet,
Caring,
I think she sings?
She was in the musical,”

Everyone walks around so smug
Binding themselves to egocentrism
While I sit here
A burden
Wondering about the
F L A V O U R
Of confidence

No one really knows me
Writing me off
Reveling in my
Embarrassment

Just because I don’t
Go out, as much
Just because I don’t
Lift drinks to my lips
Just because I don’t
Open up to everyone

I can’t take it

I just want to write a letter
To everyone,
Saying:

“Yes, I’m caring.
I’m like a mother to most.

Yes, I was in the musical.
Ensemble, thank you very much.

Yes, I sing.
I love to sing; I’m going to college for it.

However, I am NOT quiet;
My friends would argue that.

I’m not anti-social.
I just don’t like this corrupt world.

And finally,
I’m loud.
I am LOUD,
AND I LOVE IT!”

this morning
I did not wake up
in your bed.
and I am all the much sadder
for it.

As a poet
I seek to give words
A form of sorts
I feel as though I am a blacksmith
The hammer a pen
The paper my anvil
Words the steel
Viciously shapeless at first
Once refined, beautifully curved
Tempered with my emotion
To form a crafted sword
Not meant to pierce flesh
But instead the soul
Surface can be of gilded gold
Ornate and pretty
A blade meant to dazzle and woo
I say this resolutely, absolutely
Because in the breath of a sentence
One can live **forever

A town called Oblvion

When she threw me out
It was my fault I know.
The drinking had started again.
I slept in the car for days.
Locked out at night.
Yet still I drank
My job was lost.
But not as lost as me.
I remember waking
in the drunk tank.
I was ***** unshaven.
And my eyes were hollow.
She paid my bail.
I saw her through the bars
of the cell.
She was so beautiful.
And so clean and pure.
She whispered quietly
I always loved you.
I still do.
I felt so ***** I needed
A shower and shave.
But living rough is hard.
I quietly said thank you
I love you too.
She touched my cheek
With her finger tips
Like she used
to touch my skin
When we made love
In our clean bed.
She had tears in her eyes
As she saw what I had become.
She said softly
You know I lost our son as well.
As I stumbled away
to that signpost
for the town of oblivion.