I keep finding myself
folding your laundry
staring blankly,
my ach clinging to our empty walls
I keep finding myself scrubbing your pots and pans
grit shoved up into my fingernails
black as the lies and the vapidness
that follow me across the state
everytime I flee your side
I keep finding myself shaking my head at your reflection
forcing myself to say something kind
why can't it come naturally
like the salty taste of yearning on my lips

I keep finding myself trying to find you
and accept is as part of me

but I can't.

Thoughts in time and out of season
The Hitchhiker stood by the side of the road
And leveled his thumb
In the calm calculus of reason.

Hi. How you doin’?

I just got back into town,

L.A.

I was out in the desert for awhile

“Riders on the storm”

Yeah. In the middle of it

“Riders on the storm”

Right…

“Into this world we’re born”

Hey, listen, man, I really got a problem

“Into this world we’re thrown”

When I was out on the desert, ya know

“Like a dog without a bone
An actor out on loan”

I don’t know how to tell you

“Riders on the storm”

but, ah, I killed somebody

“There’s a killer on the road”

No…

“His brain is squirming like a toad”

It’s no big deal, ya know

I don’t think anybody will find out about it, but…

“take a long holiday”

just, ah…

“Let your children play”

this guy gave me a ride, and ah…

“If you give this man a ride”

started giving me a lot of trouble

“Sweet family will die”

and I just couldn’t take it, ya know

“Killer on the road”

And I wasted him

Yeah.

I breathe out
and inhale you in
sweet white oxygyn
reaching upward
through my nostrils
traveling to my depleted lungs
I drink you up
first in small scared sips
and then I'm gulping
the warm kindness
the authentic core-coating love
that I have only found one other time
in my mother's eyes
that has been there, this whole time
a devotion that demands tears
I let you own me
You wrap your tired arms around me
they've been trying for these five torn years
and you finally feel another human being
in that embrace
Your body like a blanket
covering me
finally allowed to protect me
from the harm I had created so wickedly for myself,
a *******, paralyzed in life
I surrender from all of this pain
conforming under your skin
allowing all that makes you so
incredible

"Five years," you say
and today begins
the first day our love is truly

shared.

I

meteor showers are not
very cleansing nor are
shooting stars much of
a threat

they pass over arms
raised and waving with
a hundred cries of
‘not yet’

by the time they
have passed the universe
might expand enough to
engulf Regret

and our arms will touch
our sides as we realise
the chances we may
have missed

and by then stars may
not exist and Never may
have already paid
its debt

and we’re left wondering
why we were left behind
and not chosen as hunks of
rock flew by

and though Ever After
has been stitched on
our minds dimensional
thread by thread

(and has with it what the
past cannot forget without
a vast sense of swoon)

Ever After will never
become Forever if it
speaks too late
or arrives too soon

II

if you were to ask Where when it would be
he would most definitely reply with ‘not now’

and if you were to ask Why exactly how
he would probably reply: ‘without me’

but if you were to question What with how it was
he would redirect you straight back to Why

so the last one to ask is the ever glum Was
(for he knows many things, most of all regret)

and Was also knows all you’ve done
and all you’ve done wrong he won’t let you forget

III

I’m about to begin work
on Forever but I don’t
know how long it will take

by the time I’m done
with Now who knows When
it will be

maybe by then North will
be South but true North
will be down somewhere
else

and clocks won’t have
numbers they’ll just
have words like ‘never’
and ‘too late’

it might take
a very long time

so it would be nice
to have someone here
just for having someone
here’s sake

it wouldn’t make Time
any less steady nor
pass it any quicker
or slower

but when the little hand
gets to ‘too late’ or
where ‘too late’ should
have been

I hope to have felt
and seen
everything

Red lips tinted from a sinful kiss, eyes bluer than the cerulean sky  hanging from the heavens. Roses; roses; roses the smell of them hanging on the air in-between two pillars of insanity. Love; what was thought to be the feeling. Buried beneath shallow water; lust lingers into reality, smeared on shades of scarlet and amber.

The infidelity of the fallen angel; daring to ask forgiveness from the Devil. How do you say you're sorry? A lie on the wings of a demon, or was there a simple explanation dripping from a vile acidic mouth full of falsity. The ripe apple wrapped in nefarious green poison, waiting for a bite from the unsuspecting victim.

No, not this time, all your trickery lays hollow and exposed like brittle bones picked over from the birds of prey. Lay in your bed of dirt and soot; lay in it because you have made it. Shovel by shovel you've dug your hole. Now it's time to crawl under your blanket of lies, and rest your shameful head.