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 Jun 2017 Genevieve
Joshua Haines
I dislike my body, much
like how a mother disapproves
of her son's girlfriend.

I'm half-naked in a bed
that isn't mine -- but I'm
used to being adopted by
beds; fostered by
temporary situations.

The sun passed, long ago,
and I know that tomorrow
might vanish, emulating
melting moments aboard
brittle rib cages, slack jaws.

Nothing days like the
yesterday and the one
before that; fragments
not meant to be placed
back together, only to
be cut on, leaving wounds
to be wished upon.

I know, one day, I'll be
as tattered as this flag
I call my master. I will
die, for the thousandth
time, as I talk to an idea
about how I was in love;
how she believed in me;
how my brother was a
man I wish I could have
back; how my littlest
brother was always in
trouble and how I didn't
help enough. I was a
writer, I'll say; I was a
son, I'll whisper that
they were imperfect but
their wish, that's what I was;
their hope, that's what I was.
I was their's.  

I'll be sunken into a seat,
staring out a window,
during a night like this.
Hiccuping thoughts
that should be tossed.
We’ve spent our entire lives captive to your ideals
We enter our favorite bar to the reverential welcome of our brothers and sisters
There is sadness in the knowledge of your opinions
But freedom in the release of our worries of your attitudes
We can only be who we are; who we are sanctioned to be
Through trial and fire we were formed and through more fire shall we be refined
Your words and stones do not phase us,
We have been laden with assaults as long as we can hope to remember
So your judgments do not sentence us,
For we have made ourselves our own judges
Liberated from the corrupt and the pious
You do not know our stories,
Nor do you understand our hearts
You don’t care to know what we dream of at night,
Nor what we aspire to by day
You only see an image that you have been trained to prejudge
A rung on the social ladder that you can step on,
That way you are one step closer to your social goals
We are people,
Unlike you
But same somehow
We still feel, still care, still love,
We just do it a little better than you
Because we understand that you can never truly know someone
Until you give up the idea that you already know who they are.
The things I hold dearest tend to be the most slippery
I can’t catch a good grasp
And they fall from my hands like liquid
I wish I could keep them in my clasp

I found a home within strangers
A light inside of the unknown
I was taken in and I settled in
But now they’re all grown

And I feel like an empty nester
I feel like I’m the only one holding on
But I don’t know to accept
That the best thing I’ve ever known could ever be gone
Messy car
Lights of the parking garage
Shining too brightly into my window
I try to sleep
But too many strangers pass by
I want to be home
In a bed
In someone’s arms
I’m scared
And alone
Christmas music plays
I remember what life used to be
I remember what family used to mean

I was thrown out
The ones who made me
Didn’t like their creation
Blinded by their hatred
Followers of their favoritism
I was scared
I was alone
Christmas lights shine from happy houses
I try to get a hotel
But there’s no room in the inn
For people like me

One day I found two angels
Or should I say that they found me
Took me in
Sacrificed and shared
Let me into their worlds
Gave me a home and a reason again
And for the first time since she died
I felt unconditionally accepted
I felt love and warmth
I wasn’t scared anymore
I wasn’t alone anymore

These angels offered me a bed and a shower
But what they gave me was life
At a time when life seemed like a fairytale
A time when I was ready to throw it away
I found more than a place to stay
I found a family
My insides feel like a forsaken tomb that has been reawakened by a misguided seeker
A mummified corpse cursed by the trials of life

But one who has been still in her coffin
Hoping and waiting and dreaming and hoping again
What fools our hopes make of us
For no one can truly bring the dead to life

Not even one such as you, brilliant and vibrant as you are
The very image of the dawn
You are the sun, but I am the shadow of doubt you cast
And you will set before I can rise
 Apr 2017 Genevieve
The ice-queen is okay being alone
I miss you sometimes
not necessarily you laying beside me,
or anything like that,
just the way we could talk.
The ice-queen can do what's right
I can leave a boy who loves me
because she lives in my veins
and knows what's best for us both
though not what was easy.
The ice-queen surrounds a heart of fire
she protects it,
but sometimes the ice queen melts
and I peer out,
the ice-queen and I are both sorry

The ice queen melted for one moment,
the second time you said you loved me
I was a fire in your arms.
she came back, avalanche, to carry me
the next moment
when you said you didn’t mean it.
my heart broke the first moment you had it.
I couldn’t make her go again.
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