It's coming.
I know because I can feel it in my gut.
This sick sense of certainty cannot be wrong.
I can feel your decision
And the guilt that comes with it
Clawing it's way up my shins
Scratching the backs of my knees until they drip of sweat
Digging out all the hope,
Leaving its poison behind.

Nausea and numbness are all I know.
Not matter the jokes you try to make to lighten the atmosphere,
I am still lost in this dread
Where I'll be left wandering long after you leave me.

Showering won't wash away the way you made me feel.

And then I realized
Maybe you aren't worth the pain.

Maybe it's time.
Time to release you
Back into the shark infested waters you call home.
And maybe it's time for me to sever
The fishing line tangled around your heart,
What holds you here.

Perhaps it has been unfair of me
To keep you
In a world so out your element,
So restricting and staggered.
So unlike your fluid currents of freedom.
Solid ground is a prison.

I know what you've done for me,
The fear of asphyxiation that you've choked down
Just to stay by my side
Night in, night out
To see me smile.

But I want more now,
More than just night
More than just a smile.
But I know you can't.

Staying means holding your breath forever
Staying means suffocating
Staying means losing yourself
The end of all freedom.
Staying means losing you all the same.

So maybe
It is time to let you be free
to become just another shark
In those waters you call home.


But then I may not be able to breathe anymore.

It's dark here
Thick like velvet
Smothering, almost.

And you're not here.
Promises, fidelity broken
And here I am
Alone.

No you.
No us.
Just me.
And silence.

Leave without saying goodbye?
That is a capital offense, sir.

This is me,
Looking for you in a dimly lit bar
Only to find you
Forehead pressed to another nameless girl.
This is what love looks like to me.
To aid and abet,
To give you the freedom you crave
Which does not come with the restraints of commitment.

This is what love looks like to me.
Giving all that I possibly can
And trying not to take too much from you.
Letting you do and say what you like
Being your accomplice, your friend
And never judging you.

But you make it so difficult sometimes.
When you say that you'll look for me,
But instead you're dancing with another.
When you say you're excited to be with me,
Then you sleep next to someone else.
When you tell me you'd do anything for me,
But then you forget me and our plans
At the earliest convenience.

I love you.
I would and do give everything I can to you.
But this act, these consequences,
Your point of view.
It all has me skewed. Diluted. Drained.
Done.

And I'm not sure really where to go from here.