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 Aug 2016 Gaffer
s
Idk
 Aug 2016 Gaffer
s
Idk
Are you okay?
Are you feeling alright?
What is wrong?
Why don't you talk to me anymore?
You changed
Are you better now?

Yes I'm okay
I want to die still but I'm okay.
My head is wrong I'm wrong the scale is wrong the mirror is wrong.
I get anxiety when I talk to people now,
It's not just you.
I changed because my head tried to **** me.
I am so much better.
I'm good.
I just want to cut tonight
I just want to die tonight
I just want to puke tonight
But I can't
Cause I promised my parents I wouldn't.
I want to self destruct.
"Try coping skills"
Coloring a picture is not getting rid of my head.
I can't deal with you. My head is my head and you don't understand it. No one does. Im a screwup.
I'm so sorry. Okay.
I am broken.
Okay I'm sorry
I need to grow up but I can't and I want to die
I don't want to try and grow up.
Mom I'm tired so tired and I need a break.
I need to breathe.
Death isn't beautiful, but neither is living.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I have to keep trying
Keep living.
This is really hard.
I'm so sorry
 Aug 2016 Gaffer
r
There was a girl
I used to swap paperbacks
and spit with, once
I fixed her wiper blades,
I remember the soft dead wings
on the windshield,  pretty
as you please

She was alone in her shoes
listening to something
that kept getting darker
and glowing like morning
on the oil spilled under her truck,
she was drifting through
the rosewater of her soft red hair

She only wanted to be rolling
off a swollen river, sliding
out of a clean slip, turning
over in a deep sleep, trailing
a shimmering thread, hiding
under a pile of wet leaves

Then there she was sailing
in her river of blood,  going
white and smelling like smoke
from a struck match behind
closed blinds on a ceramic floor,
a white blouse red as a sharp knife
collecting the light of mourning.
 Aug 2016 Gaffer
Sirenes
Young love
 Aug 2016 Gaffer
Sirenes
You sat here hours ago
I watched him kiss you
With love and affection
True passion
Like a boy who
Is really trying to impress you.
You giggeled and twitched
I smoked my cigarette
He held you in his arms
You screamed as he spun you around
Showing off his strength.
Cuz he's the man!
You swore in between the giggles
kurwa
I'm just standing here
smoking away
Watching you play
Like young couples play
ugh you kids are disgusting
I muttered with a smile on my face
you made my day
Still here *** you can't go home
And too in love to part already.
Ew...
 Aug 2016 Gaffer
Little Bear
free
 Aug 2016 Gaffer
Little Bear
i've been trying to explain this
my whole life
and one day
i will finally find
the right words

i am not going to stay

i will always find a way to fly
always find a way

i am sunlight
but never the sun

i will never be something
you can hold
always finding a way
to let go

my roots need air
not earth

to be held above water
is to drown

something in my heart
tells me
i will never belong

to anyone

one day
i am a flower
and at night
i will close my petals
opening the next sunrise
to have my clocks
float away

i will always
grow in the meadow
wild
where i can live
and die
on the summer breeze

i am not going to stay
i will always
want to be free
 Aug 2016 Gaffer
phil roberts
Hey, old friend
Remember the days?
The times we got so drunk we could barely crawl
What a laugh!
Other nights we'd be so wired
We chewed our lips to shreds
And do you remember that opiated Nepalese
While the rest were throwing up or falling down
We kept right on smoking
'Til we could barely find our feet
Haha!
And then tripping out at Fool's Nook
Thinking the water in the stream was diamonds
The mushrooms weren't so magic if you got a bad one
But wasn't it fun!
Going to dodgy Manchester pubs for the gear
Haha, remember that night I nearly got myself shot?
I've never talked so fast in all my life
And now that we're middle-aged
Where are we now, old friend?
You're dead and my body's falling to bits
Such fun

                            By Phil Roberts
RIP Gilb
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