Welp...My friends don't care about me apparently...
I really don't matter till I'm needed...
It hurts...I try and ignore I'm not really needed but it gets to me...
Why does no one truly care about me...
Am I just that replaceable...
The sad part is I've to head my 'friends' talk behind my back but I sit there and take it like I'm made of nothing.
I don't have the heart to leave them...I...I just don't want to be alone again...
I'm scared everyone I've ever cared about will leave me behind...
I try and Tell them what I'm going through then they say they have better things to do...
It hurts because I'll listen to them but they won't listen to me...
I'll listen to their pain but they ignore mine...
I remember I told a 'friend' I was suicidal and wanted to die...She said 'you don't matter till you actually do it...You'll never do it anyways...Your to big of a wimp...
And you know what...I sat there and let it sink in...I realized im not worth anything...
I'm just out there to help others...I serve no other purpose...
and I don't know why I stayed…
I just didn't want to be left alone...
I was scared that If I left...It happens all over
I'd find a 'friend' and they'd treat me like **** so I'd leave...
I was scared that If I was left alone I would eventually **** myself...
But I know I need to help others but I'm not needed...
I'm not needed but I wanted a purpose so I stayed quiet and suffered
I've stayed quiet for too long...
Your the first person I've told how I felt...
I was too scared to tell because I'm scared you'll say
'It doesn't matter, you talk about yourself too much why don't you go annoy someone else'
I'm terrified I'll chase you off too...
I'm scared you hate me...I'm scared that you stayed my friend out of pity.
I'm scared that you don't really care...
And it bothers me because I'm scared to ask...
Hell, I don't know why I stay with the people I do...
I trust you but im just so scared you'll leave me behind too...
Because I know...
I'm easily replaced...
It's so easy to find someone better than me...
and im sorry if im blowing up your phone...
I just needed someone to talk to...
And im sorry If you do hate me and I've wasted your time...
But just...Please don't leave me like the others...
am I really that worthless...
Am I just that much of a mistake...

I cannot help but stop and look at the horrible heartache.
Now atrocious is just the thing,
To get me wondering if the heartache is ugly.

The somatic sensation that's really sudden,
Above all others is the pain.
Never forget the abrupt and unexpected pain.

Pay attention to the despair,
the despair is the most zany feeling of all.
Murmur.
Why is it so zany?

Pay attention to the heartbreak,
the heartbreak is the most wooly sorrow of all.
Never forget the addled and muddled heartbreak.

They all say, never use a period in your life use a semicolon; Whats the point of a semicolon when I feel like I don't need it; I'm ready to go anyways.

The fee of death is so much more
It like a war with my mind
and I don't think I'll win...
all because is hard to find the kind ones now
I don't know how I break through but I do anyhow...
Why is there a fee for death? Many ask this...
I say its all because of the shortness of breath and how your hair is a mess as you press a hand on your slowing heart...
Its almost like art, as you get torn apart by your own mind...
All because the fee of death is a sharp knife to the soul and mind
But the only twist is...
The knife is the words that come out of your mouth when you don't think...

My Silver and red spotted friend is no longer pure, Its tainted with the thoughts of no other, It's no longer spotted but dripping red, and his friend is dead all because of a silver and red spotted friend