Joy.
Joy of life,
Joy of wonders,
Joy of love,
Joy of death.

When it is joy in question,
I always choose yours -
You always choose mine.
Then we fight about,
The joy we keep stealing
From one another
Every Time.

The joy of life poisons me.
The joy of wonders intrigues me.
The joy of love hurts me.

But,

The joy of death relieves me.

Is this what it feels like

To die?

Blood calmly flowing,
Staining this cursed Earth
Engulfing me in its delicate cold.

It flows.

death

She accompanies me – on my journey on the river Styx.
Ahead we go to the fifth circle: my new home, my new prison.
“See the souls over whom anger prevailed. In the warm bath of the sun they were hateful, down here in the black sludge of the river Styx do they wish they had never been born.”
The words Virgil echoed throughout on our way to the fifth circle –

Here
I wish
I was born

Death led me to the imposing pillars of flaming anger,
Where the sins of my wrath lie.

Envy.
Wrath.
Treachery.

I plead guilty of these in front of the Almighty.
And I was banned to this ****** place.

Demonic.

For once.
At last.
For the last.

I
Was
Happy?

While I burnt for my perjury,
I laughed.

Joyful to be gone.
Joyful of eternal pain.
Joyful of sin.
Joyful of sorrow.

I rejoice my death.

While others forget.
Because that’s human nature –
Forget

The sorrow
The pain
The ones hurting
The ones dead

For them.

It’s only joy.

I met an Angel.

She descended from
The Heaven above us all.
She descended in front of me:
Astonished by her divine beauty
Mesmerised; by her celestial smile
Fascinated by such being.

She brought Heaven upon earth:
Warmth,
And a soft smile which contents the
Heart.

Her divine warmth
Charming as ever,
Led me towards her.
Such divinity is
Tremendously
Pure.

I… I…
Caressed her.

Velvet skin;
An aroma, of vanilla;
And an embracing warmth.

Is this what Heaven feels like?

Wishing to enjoy such moment
For eternity.

A split second.
And I… was
In…
Pain?

Your white dress
Stained with my cursed
Blood.
The charming warmth,
A burning hell-fire.

While we slowly drifted apart,
Hell’s gate opened.
The Angel,
Oblivious to the events,
Wondered.
Whilst,
I entered
My new Heaven.

Guilty of thy sins:

Wrath
Lust
Envy

I accept thy;
I carve thy out;
In my own body;
Such that thy may be
Absolved.

Drunk of thy’s blood,
Burning to purge thy,
Blood,
Flowed,
From my eyes.

Satisfied of the pain.
Satisfied of the suffering.
Filled with joy.

The Almighty.
Opened hell’s gate
Once again.

Waiting at the other side,
She was there.

There.

I met an Angel.

With Heaven following her.
I had Hell accompanying me.

I took step on Earth once again
Whilst she remained above us all;
In the Heaven above.

She noticed me.
I noticed her.

Here;
I wondered,
How such divinity –
Could notice a nugatory demon.

I gaze on her beauty,
While she looks at me;
I look away.

Powerless to approach her.
Aghast to reach her.
Withered by her beauty.

Thy sins did not absolve,
And I suffer in quiet.
While the gates to hell
Are now closed.
I carve out some;
To meet the
Almighty
Again.

Yet.
Unable to approach her
I wander the earth as a stray soul.

The cursed soul,
The demon.
He played
Icarus;
Struck by the sun
He fell.
Heaven is not for this soul.

Hell is meant for him.

And this is the story,
Of when
I met an Angel.

Laid on my bed, stripped:
Of my free will;
Of my happiness;
Of my sanity.

Laid on my bed, covered from top to toe:
To hide the scars, of ancient cuttings;
To be engulfed by the warm cold of the blankets;
To enter my sweet dreams.

Again, and again. I enter this realm
Gruesome and vile.
Oblivion. That’s how I would describe it.
Neither sweet nor a dream.
Yet. I still enter this realm.

Is this a dream or a nightmare?