I need something
To **** me
I am tired
Of taking
My own life
I need something
To heal me
I am tired
Of helping
My own mind
I need someone
To take my hand
And tell me it's okay
To close my eyes for a bit
I need someone
To **** me
I am tired
Of taking
My
Own
Life

eating is torture
eating is a total nightmare
I’m torn between needing the food because I’m starving and being horrified of the food coming inside of my body and making me feel full
The feeling of the food inside of my stomach is absolutely terrifying
I’m the puppet of my anorexia
I’m terrified of getting away with not eating, but there’s a bigger part that praises me when I get away with not eating
I’m never gonna make it easy for them, because of the terror
Eating makes me so ******* scared
I don’t want to gain weight, I’m already fat
The people around me are lying, telling me I am too skinny
Or is it my head that’s lying to me?
Why do I see a fat person in the mirror when I look at myself
I eat less than a 100 calories each day
I need a minimum of 2000
How is it that I’m still so fat?
Eating is horrifying to me
My parents think I do it to control them, but that’s such a lie
I do it because I’m genuinely scared to eat
I fear eating and I fear food
I fear getting my stomach full and I fear getting fat
I don’t know how to overcome this fear
I’m working so hard and no one sees it

I'm fat, I'm ugly and I ruin things
my battle with anorexia and boulimia is taking over my life again
and I'm so tired
Im so scared of eating and I don't even have a reason why it is that way
it just is
I don't even have the energy to get up anymore.
I have to get up
I saw a butterfly after my therapy session today and it made me smile
I like the little things like that
it's the little things that count in a day full off fights and battles
I purged again today
I panicked so badly and I was so tired
I ****** it up big time
I'm letting everyone down
I make people hate me and I feel so ******* isolated
and all of this because I'm too scared to eat
I'm ****** up
I need to get rid of myself before I ruin somebody else's life

I haven't eaten in three days
I feel lightheaded but good
It's a type of high I can't explain
It makes me feel in control
But if I keep doing this they'll have to forcefeed me
They'll put a tube in my nose and feed me like I'm ill
But I'm not, I don't have a disease
I'm no patient, I'm Anne
I'm me.
I like going on walks, enjoy the sun and cloudy days. I love the smell of rain and the sound of thunder and I like being rebellious. Love poetry and books. I am Anne, not a patient.
But I haven't eaten for a while
And I start to feel less like myself

I’m so torn
don’t know what I want
I want the love
But I don’t want the hurt
I want to fall
But I fear no one will catch me
And I’ll fall to the ground
As the person who promised to catch me
Watches and smiles
What if  they give me their heart
And I can’t give them mine ?
Maybe I should lock it away with a key
And only take it out when someone
Finally wants to love me

My mind is tired
My body is tired
I'm in pain
I can't do this anymore
I'm gonna do it and this time I'll succeed
I can't deal with this anymore
All I do is push the people I love away
All I do is cause pain
I'm so tired
I've got to go
Tell my friends and family I love them all, because this is the day I die
Goodbye

I had a plan for the future
But I feel like this plan is falling apart
I purged for the first time in a year
It made me feel empty again
I don't know why I need to feel empty all the time, or maybe I do  
I am so scared of feeling things
So ******* scared of life that I rather live like a zombie
I try to break free from this grip depression has on me, but all it causes is blood to flow
I don't want to disappoint people
I don't want people to worry about me
but I'm getting bad again
I need pain, high and starvation to make me feel like I'm in control
but the truth is I'm not
I don't know what the **** god's plan for me is, but I'm sick of being his puppet
He can't own me. Nobody can
I will never be owned
I don't like restriction, I don't like people telling me I'm theirs
I';m scared that people have high expectations and will get disappointed once they find out what a mess I really am
I'm sick of myself
I'm sick of being this way
I want to feel happy again, I can't even remember how it feels to be ******* truly happy
that isn't normal, I'm a freak.
I can't live like this any longer
I'm so scared of life, I can't live any longer
it feels like I can't breathe
like the ground is disappearing underneath me and I'm falling in a ******* hole
I'm scared and my parents aren't there to help me
I'm scared of what I will do to myself
I don't want to leave the people I love behind, but I can't live like this any longer
I'm in so much pain and I can't even explain it
I can't even tell you how much it is
it's like every bone in my body, every part of my soul just shattered and is cutting up my innards
I can't do this anymore
I AM SCARED