I have this calling that I'm trying to ignore
Because it goes against the grain of societal norms.
But without a hand in, I'm suffocating.
The tide pulls me in and I want to obey...
I want to.
But I fear the coiled tongue of those around me,
Will lash out like darts to pierce the one veil of security within me.
And then there's the injustice it would do to my ethnicity--so proud of hymnals built on crosses and prayers that if I falter...I feel I fail them and all the generations before me.
It hurts.
To think that pent-up aggression and hatred towards myself for being a coward could ever feel so --lonely.
I want to feel the rush of energy from the cool grass beneath me as,
I kick off my sandals and embrace my soul,
Through the soles of my feet.
It is a wanted thing...
A passion burning much like whiskey down a ****** throat.
Except this one is all-encompassing.

You were a rushing river,
Seducing me with your course.

I was Ophelia.
My flower crown was to become my tombstone.
But your tears brought them back to life.

I was a flame,
Yet he laid on top of me,
Suffocating my senses.

To where my whole world.
Was him.

I fall forever it seems
Never waking from this dream
Where reality is tearing me at the seams
Breaking every bone in my body and soul.

The truth of the matter is...it's heartbreaking
The way my mind numbs a heart that's aching
The way his words weave through me--staking
The very last memory we hold together.

I want my lips to receive your rapture
For your hands to pull my hair down like an anchor,
As you kiss your way around my neck’s perimeter.
And map my body with your caress.
As we shed our inhibitions like snake's skin...

Calloused hands and fingertips,
Peruse a body lost in darkness,
Covered in sweat and pheromones,
Time's become a victim in our lust laced labyrinth.

The only sounds heard are the shivered panting of longing breaths
And the rustling of crumpled sheets like leaves in Fall.

This has become our most blessed sanctuary.
Now preach to me and make me say--

Amen.

Behold
As a fly does
She swiftly escapes
The fingertips
Of her old friend
Death
Over and over again
All he wants
Is a handshake
A “fair game”, a gentle goodbye
But she is quick
To run
Door closed behind
Tightly
Thoughts shut within
Softly
Exotically neurotic
Behold!
They say
She is the fox
Too sly
To be caught
Too cunning
To be trusted
And she has lusted
She has lusted
She has lusted
They say
Like an alchemist
She eats tar
And regurgitates
Sweet glittering gold
To the people
Laying roads
Behold!
They say
She is the silent, stalking menace
The shadow in the corner
Of your childhood bedroom
She lurks and lingers
She fastens her fingers
Into unsuspecting hearts
She is no darkness, no
She is the holder of light
In the mouths of drunks
They praise her
For all that she has overcome
All that she has undone
From what they have done
And what she has become
A fang toothed light switch
They praise her
Behold!
They say
A prodigy of protest
She builds her bones
In restless legs
In limp, loose arms
In a hoarder managed head
And a stale, vacant heart
Behold!
They say
She forges on
Though it never leaves her
If just a quick blip in time
In the corner of her eye
A hole burned by
A hot cigarette
A small portal
The other world
Like a maddening hangnail
She is afraid
She may unzip the very fabric
If she holds on too tightly
Behold!
She says
I am no rainy day blues
I am a symphony forged in
A natural disaster
Behold.