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 Nov 2015 Elle Brookes
Katie Ann
this is the last time you'll drag your dagger through my mind
im silencing the thoughts
readjusting the locks
just to keep you out.
don't try and break in,
theft is in your blood and im not yours to steal.
your mask won't trick me the next time
your face is engrained in my mind
and i'll never forget
i could never forget
i'm just out of things to give
so please stay out this time.
A while ago I found a photo
Of you. Before I knew you.
Blazing brown and beautiful in the Australian sun
I traced my finger across
The line of your hip
Sunglasses perched untidily upon your bleached blonde hair
Hands that had not yet held me
clutching a windswept map And a lit cigarette
your eyes
Squinting at the sun, glimmering with hope

Is it you? The same woman
Who gave me light
Who I tore apart with my anger but also my love?
I hope you remember, when you look in our eyes
You may not always have been my mother
But I was always your child
The season dies
in lampshade light
I crawl from the shelter
I have made in bed

My intent is shrouded
like the sun is clouded
I know I felt her
before all of this

It was convincing
she insisted
on an expensive retreat
from the earth, as it is

So while the plants sing
and the intuitive collapse
in heaps
Sonne laughs at the bruise
she creates and keeps
My ceiling is suffocating me. 
This past year was rough. 
We had beautiful, lovely times. 
Always followed by ugly, hurtful words. 

I've been shut down and shut up 
With every stab, my ceiling lowered
Millimeters at a time at first
And now it feels like it's moving by feet

People weren't created to have ceilings
So why is mine stunting my growth?
I want to stand tall, feel strong
The cement is cracking and soon will fall. 

Well crash to the ground-me and my ceiling. 
But the difference between me and my wall-
Cement will lay there, unmoving it will stay. 
Me, I won't-I'll pray for strength to crawl. 

Slowly moving through the debris, gasping for air. 
For so long I've been unable to breathe
I'll stand, my wobbly knees won't give out as I 
Carefully I take my first steps. 

Looking back, but only once
What I see steals my breath. 
Once so scary and strong
My ceiling- lonely, broken, still on the ground. 

I see it was me letting it control me all along. 

I look up to the sky
For the first time in years
And the rain washes the cement away
I'm free to grow tall as the trees. 
I begin to dance my way through life. 
Miles away from home
I can feel the calm evening
The distant birds chirping
Everything is beautiful

The only way to make this moment better
Is to share it with you
it is hard to describe
just how perfect you are

your beautiful brown eyes
look straight into my heart

your curly brown hair
cannot look any better

your cheerful smile
always brightens my mood

you once complained about how thin you are
but I think you are the prettiest girl in the school
I just wish I could tell you this face to face
my deepest feelings are mostly controlled
but sometimes they run wild

there are times when I have the same dream
of you and me, sitting together
as boyfriend and girlfriend

I sometimes thinkk of how I want us to be
I want to kiss you and say the words "I love you"
I want to compliment you, and brighten your day
when you are sad, I want to comfort you
because I can't stand to see the frown on your face

I want to do whatever I can to please you
because when you are happy, I'm hapy

it's all up to you, you know
I only hope that you will choose me
it's all out now
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