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Jun 2020 · 95
Untitled
Safe Jun 2020
You joked about not wanting to look gay in public.
And I was  hurt by those words than anytime before.
Cause I was gay and I was proud.
And maybe that's why I loved you most,
Cause we looked gay and you didn't mind.
At least before.
Safe May 2020
I always feared sunrises never knew why,
But I have never had fears and so i was surprised with this new feeling of vulnerability...
I looked at the sky s colour changing,
Dark then lighter colour of blue ,
As if some painter have lost all sense and art , and started putting black into everything he had.
He lost his heart, and everything he once had.
And turned dark..
I looked at the sky,
Heard the birds chanting,
Is this what it feels like to be alive?
I don't know who I am yet,
I dont think I'll ever do.
Is this  what it feels like to be finally alive?
Hear me birds chanting in ways even I don't understand.
Hear me birds, saying the truth that comes out of insanity.
Hear me world,
And please let space for me.
Please let a spot empty,
For my naked body to fill, after being filled with everything you've enchanted me with.
Is this what it feels like to be alive?
To welcome dawn when it's still dark,
To welcome the stars when it's still light,
To welcome sun when it's raining.
Is .. this .. what .. it .. feels..like .. to .. be .. alive?
Or am I still dead ? Am I dying world? And is this your last trial to save me world? ..
Am   .. I.. dead .. yet world ?
May 2020 · 95
Untitled
Safe May 2020
You told me I had to hide my emotions,
Put them in boxes, and hide them,
Somewhere so far and so dark,
So I can never reach them.
And I told you that it was not my thing.
I forgot to tell you my thing was to hide behind my metaphors
And never feel my feelings unless it's on pages,
Never know how strong they're until they're read out loud;
And never confess them until I'm with my notebooks.
I forgot that I have always hid behind my metaphors and my peoms;
My words had always been so strong they were already fighting reality,
And I never had to run,
Never had to leave,
Never had to feel fear,
Because I knew I was never alone.
My fists were never good at fighting,
But I knew how to turn my anger into fists,
And make my stress suffer more than my stomach.
I knew how to make anxiety feel anxious,
And how to make butterflies feel human.
I knew things I didn't know I know,
Until I reached for my pen and my notebook and wrote them down.
I knew things I could never tell you about,
Because you'd ask how and why,
And maybe at that time I'll question myself too,
All the questions I could never answer.
Maybe at that time I'll question myself too,
And start questioning my metaphors and poems' existance, and my own too.
Apr 2020 · 107
No
Safe Apr 2020
No
I was never good at saying no,
Never was brave enough to ask for space, when I needed it.
But over the years I became so good at ghosting people,
Because I needed to have my space,
My privacy,
Sometimes too much.
And I'm sorry to anyone I stepped on or ignored for months.
Please don't think I left,
I never do leave people.
Apr 2020 · 77
You..
Safe Apr 2020
I thought about calling you today,
Again,
And again,
And again..
Apr 2020 · 103
Untitled
Safe Apr 2020
Please don't die..
I love you too much to let you die,
So please, please don't die..
Safe Apr 2020
I promised not to share it,
Cause it told our story, our entire life.
You promised you'd forever love me,
But as the song ended you didn't want to restart it,
instead put an other song,
To be played next,
Looked at an other girls,
Who came next.
That was the first  time you broke your promise and didn't stop ever since.
I didn't know how to break mine,
Cause I never break promises.
But this time I had to.
After two years of separation,
This is me moving on,
This is me breaking my promise.
Safe Apr 2020
Here's why you're failing your life;
Your whole life you've been told
What to do ,
How to react,
And how to feel.
Stop darling, neither of this is real.
Everyone is different in a way that isn't obvious or clear,
And it's stupid to put people in boxes,
But we've been caged our entire lives,
And the way to breaking free was never clear.
Stop darling, stop.
You're a treasure that was not discovered yet.
Whole ancient and future civilizations exist within you,
That no one knows about yet.
So go within you,
Set your mind free,
Turn it blank,
Cause everything you were told before was not real,
And this is the only time you get to see reality;
Your reality.
Put your logic afar;
Somewhere deep in the dark,
With all the knowledge you've gained your entire life,
Cause the world you're entering has never been discovered.
Dive deep into the dark, the unknown and nothingness.
Don't let a space empty for fear,
Check on every corner and unlock every door.
This is the only chance you get to see the truth,
Why do you choose to ignore it?
Darling,
Why is it easier to just go by the rules and not let things catch you?
Why is it easier to dig so deep within the darkness and cover your truth with the lies, replace it with the illusion you've always heard?
Darling, why is it easier to choose the cage,
Than to be whatever thing you are at heart?
Darling why is so easy for you to unlove your true self?
How can you choose locks over your own self happiness??

— The End —