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you are still far too
close for comfort
even though you are states away
8 hours
and 500 miles
between us
is not enough space
i can still feel
the magnetizing force
that brought us together in the first place
I have taken out every piercing
made sure every hole has closed up
my jewelry has not since been worn
and yet the pull
of you
gets more intense
with every step I take farther away
 Feb 2014 Tyler Nicholas
marina
i wish i could love you
gently, but the beating in my
chest is echoing like a choir
through cathedral halls
and i don't know how to think
about you quietly

(maybe, if there is a god, he
meant for our song to be
heard by heaven)
 Feb 2014 Tyler Nicholas
R Saba
when i was young, i knew
(with more belief than i had in my own name)
that i would dance ballet
and i danced ballet, attempting
each spin, each hopeful leap
gaining slivers in my knees each time i fell
and keeping them there, proof
that i had flown

but i fell more often than i flew
and one day, i just knew
(with no tears, only a firm nod of the head)
that someone out there would always fly higher
than i ever could
so i just turned the music up
and let my fingers tap out the rhythm
and to this day i close my eyes
and let the neurons dance inside me
electric current, steady pulse of a bassline
mirroring my heartbeat
inside my head, my feet are light
even to metal, or to some quiet, hollow guitar
i don't touch the ground

and now, still young
i know
(with more belief than i have in any concrete thing)
that in this silly metaphor
we can dance to choreography
or just make it up as we go
and me?
i let the music show me
where to step
i may be clumsy, but i have a graceful mind at times
Call me stupid
        Tell me to go home
               But what I am not is

Dim sum
                      As I have found out
                           Is food son

Tasty Dim sum
                               Please for give me
                                          I just thought it
Chinese idiot.
                                             Life is reborn
                                                    Dam I like chinese food

Must be Dim son.
 Feb 2014 Tyler Nicholas
M
"I'm depressed," she said, laughing a bit.
You gave her this glare, like "look you lil ****,"
"You know not what you speak, you don't even get
what that means," we live in a world when as long as you
have an excuse, you aren't responsible
and "I'm ADHD" is enough to be able to do
whatever you want, and you aren't held accountable
At what point do feelings become genuine enough
to justify your actions? When is it okay to hurt
others and plead insanity, your morals aren't tough
You're confining yourself, staying in the dirt,
"I can't get higher, the world's stacked the odds,"
is enough to believe you're 'fine just as you are'
When you use, 'I'm okay as a sociopath, why don't you love me'
instead of, 'I can be better, I can get very far,'
Everyone will be held responsible for their actions,
Boys will NOT just be boys, and girls are not all *******
We don't have to break into meaningless factions
Hurting each other, you gave my heart stitches,
you don't have to do that. You can be nice to me.
because in reality, you ARE fine, you ARE free
These limiting conceptions are what's holding you back
It's impossible to believe you can get back on track
You're stuck in this rut and it hurts, it tingles
The rays of this roof is breaking through the shingles
I want you to be happy, I want you to see light
The will of your body is the will of your mind
You can conquer these words, these diagnosis confines,
You can do it. I know. Believe me. You're fine.
I have nothing against people who really, truly, honestly are diagnosed with personality disorders. But who defines at what point it becomes a disorder and at what point is it just your personality? If you label everything and say, well, this is what I have, then it becomes impossible to break free, instead of overcoming whatever vice you have. It becomes an excuse: "I have anger-management problems, that's why I punched you in the face." People have over-diagnosed themselves and it hurts the people who really have these disorders because it gives a lack of credentiality to what they are. But I, as always, am a firm believer that people can mostly overcome whatever it is life throws in their way. Yes, maybe you're sad. You can fix that. If you're clinically depressed, you maybe can't fix that. It's just a muddy gray area and it's difficult to draw the line. But who is it that determines if your feelings are 'real' enough? No one can get inside your head. I don't know. My beliefs on this are complicated.
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