the sky without the clouds
is *dull

a room , a girl , a laptop , a guitar
i sit alone , in an emty room
i feel at home .
stuck in an endless routine .
sad music , oversized shirts
i'm losing my mind.
no self esteem , no self worth
but still , it's a thousand time better
than fake smiles and fake friends

hello ,
would you like to hear
about my deepest fears ?
would you?
sometimes ,  at night
i go to dark places
i try to fight ,
but i see scary faces
it all happens in the shadows .

when last have i had a 3am kind of conversation,
with my star like emotions scattered all over the darkest parts of me,
mimicking the sky,
my moon like persona that always returns back to hiding me away.  
when last have i felt safe enough to let somebody in,
to not have visions of my vulnerability being tied to the bed after he locks the door behind him,
his voice like some sort of broken record that keeps on repeating that
"it's gonna be okay."
when last have i had a shoulder to cry on that isn't my own,
for my neck to stop worrying that the tear filled sea on either side won't get waves big enough to drown me.  
when last okay,
when last has it felt good to be me.

I'm standing on the lowest point of my life where everything breaks me down.

n.e

"My heart have wrinkles in it from stressing too much."