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Denxai Mcmillon Mar 2015
am I really worth anything?
If the bridges I've burned looking for myself could be rebuilt, would there be a home to return to? I don't know whether or not I'm going to be okay.
Denxai Mcmillon Mar 2015
Today, I looked at myself in the mirror.
I know that it's something I do everyday, However, today I made the mistake of locking eyes with myself. I tell everyone I know I'm okay, it's how it's been as long as I can remember. I have my father's gaze, piercing. I could see so far into myself I felt I might melt under the heat of it and in the split second of contact I saw the bags under my eyes, the pain I tried to hide and I saw that nothing's really changed.
  Mar 2015 Denxai Mcmillon
bcg poetry
Today I was in the middle of something when I had a fleeting thought of what it would me like if you were here. I immediately stopped what I was doing to let myself daydream of you. So rarely do I let my mind drift to this that I thought it would be a little reward for being so good and compartmentalizing so well.

So I thought of you. I thought of the joke you would make about my handwriting. I thought about where your hand would be on my thigh. I thought about the laugh lines around your eyes that would come out when you smiled at my smile. I thought about it all.

But while I wasn’t paying attention, my mind went out of control, and I was skimming through memories of you and me while simultaneously making up scenarios of everything that we could be. The room was spinning and I was barely breathing when suddenly everything went cold and hot at the same time and you were saying goodbye a thousand times. Over and over, each one hit, and I just had to sit back and let the waves of grief keep crashing over the same body that once was held in your arms when I couldn’t stop shaking that Wednesday night back in July.

It was like I was falling and flying all at once and it took three deep breaths to clear it all up.
I gathered myself and left the room because for some reason it was starting to smell of you.

**** this and **** goodbyes. I would die for just one more night.

-bcg (i forget about you long enough to forget why i needed to)
Denxai Mcmillon Mar 2015
When a cat falls for a rabbit
He's unable to see that the rabbit,
Unlike him,
Does not have claws
Teeth made to puncture skin
He does not see that when he plays
He's too rough.
                    
When a rabbit falls for a cat
She does not realize she;
will be unable to stop his play,
Will be hurt though
the cat could never know
She doesn't see that she is the prey

When the cat falls for the rabbit
He doesn't see how much she hurts
Because in his mind they are the same.
There is no excuse for the cat.
But when the rabbit flees
He will realize
that he wasn't the right thing.
  Mar 2015 Denxai Mcmillon
MKF
I never lost
Until I met you
You're my Waterloo
For Trevor
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