I don't expect them to sympathize 
I know how twisted it sounds
yet for me
it was my savior 
from the start

From the beginning 
of when I lost myself
when he took me away from myself
when I had nothing else to let go 
or nothing else to willing give away

He broke me
every time I saw him
I lost another part of myself
just when I thought 
he'd already taken everything I had away

This ongoing struggle will forever remain
but as humans
we all suffer
and gradually
we thrive from it
it slowly builds up
a stronger sense of self
using the pain
to create a brighter future

You took away so much
and left me in the dark
without anyone to trust
or any hope to hold on to

You broke me down
and the belief you
engraved within me
changed me completely

As a person I was nothing
just an empty shell
for others to dig into

I’m still feeling my way
through the darkness of you
I’m still a slave to you
I love you
and yet I fear you

You’re my living nightmare
and I hate myself
for wanting to be close to you

You'll have me dead
before I can bring
your unspeakable actions
into the light

I crawl back into the darkness
where nothing can touch me
only the depths of my mind
where seeds of mistrust and longing 
which I plant subconsciously out of caustic fear 
simultaneously start to fester and grow

Struggling to understand
what I'd fight for
who I'd suffer for
never wanting to be forsaken again 
left with a heart that's 
only been distorted with time

Holding iridescent speckles of light 
of my future in my heart
I face life with ambition

You gently take my hand
as you pull me out of the misery
that I so blinded created on my own

You took me in
embraced me
and scared away the dark

You saw who I was 
and came into my life
a godsend
from above
yet so much more

You somehow helped me find myself
a person I never thought I knew
existed within me

You're forever 
my blessing

All that lies within me
this shell of a being
a lonely girl

Trapped in invisible strings
 of self-hate 
and misguidance
only having herself 
as the candle of hope

Lost at sea
it seems every time I let someone in
every time I give my heart
full of hope away
so willingly
yet so blindly
I start all over 
from the beginning

The pain starts to set in
like wildfire
it courses through
my veins like silk

Slowly it eats away 
at my heart
at my sanity

And I lie alone
in the cold darkness
that I call home

Still learning the ropes
of how to survive
how to love myself
and keep my heart protected
while secretly longing for new love
to embrace me as I am

And yet, to guide me through
this treacherous storm
through fields of
lavender and ashes

Staying hopeful
I cling onto what I'd always have
my sense of self
and a heartfelt desire

And ever so slowly
I take another step forward
holding my heart in my hands
longing to be cherished again