you stand in front of me
only slightly to the left
yours one of the many
the small candles lighting up in the darkness
encircling those who I've gotten closer with this summer
singing sweet songs of happiness
I force a smile onto my face
mirroring those around me
trying to hide the tears streaking down
my rosy cheeks
it feels like an eternity,
but it went by like the snap of a finger
and everyone walks away
retreating back into the darkness
the circle of candlelight breaking off
and heading in the other direction
a single candle slows,
letting the others slip ahead
You turn around,
the candle resting in your fragile hand
And I run to you
with aching legs
and an aching heart
I embrace you
praying to god
that I might see you again tomorrow

You kiss me on the top of my head
whispering, I love you
our matching brown eyes meet
twinkling by the fading candlelight
somewhere in my gut I knew
that I wouldn't see you
but somewhere in my heart
hoped that I would

Sometimes, the distance resonates between my words and your eyes
rumbling within me
quaking, churning, bubbling up inside
filling my every ache
all my pain
overflowed
to be brought back
to my zen
my peace.
my home in your endless
deep blue eyes

"Why?"
I ask, puzzled.
He squinted like he was looking at something far away but could't see it. He pushed his small brown rimmed spectacles up the bridge of his nose, stroking his white beard.
"I couldn't tell you that. You must look inside yourself.. There is the time and place you will find the answer you are looking for."
And he vanished, as fast as he had died the last time.
The pair of spectacles were all that remained, glinting in the sun on mothers old wooden dresser.
"I will grandpa.. I will."

I lie awake in bed
pondering silently in the dark
thinking of what, -of whom I may become
who I'm taught to be
what is right
what is best
but it's not me..

But it's just not me...