Ceeam

Ceeam Aug 2016

Numbed by sugar
Filled with milk
Activated by cafeine
Focused by glasses
Seated by chairs
Ordered by managers
Delivered by fear
Kept alive by colleagues

#work

Ceeam Jul 2016

Everyone needs a cigarette....

Everyone needs a cigarette,
Not literally, I mean it as a metaphor,
Something for this little stress threat,
Inside the upper core.

Why do people actually,
Wanna avoid stress all the time.
Wouldn't it be more logical,
If we would accept it all?

Live with the voices screaming,
The hearbeat rising,
The ugly dreaming,
And inner fighting.

I guess not...

People have been searching,
For relaxation through history,
A herb, a massage, a magic thing,
First an experience, later almost compulsary.

I'm still figuring out,
The balance between accepting and interventions,
To live healthy, pure and happy,
But without too much tensions.

Exploring these things,
Is actually a lot of fun.
Sometimes it gives me wings,
Other times i just hold on.

In search, but with a smile, this can last a while, just accept my style

#addiction #life #psychology

Ceeam Jul 2016

Bed time

The night is mine.
Dreams instead of reality,
Full of unreality.
In the dream I fly,
Like a bird up high.
Hugging the loved ones,
Before they are gone.
Just some wings,
No other things.
It's all I ask,
For my core dream task

#dreaming #night

Ceeam Jul 2016

I wanna see you

I wanna see you when you're tired as ****,
With blue skin under your eyes.
I wanna see you when you think life *****,
Till the moment you break down and cry.

I wanna see you when you're stressed,
About things in your day or life.
I wanna see you without interest,
And when deadlines feel like knives.

I wanna see you when you doubt,
About choices which you made.
I wanna see you not being proud,
About models which fade.

I wanna see you irritated,
By me or other things around you.
I wanna see you medicated,
Sick and half dead by the flu.

I wanna see you uncomfortable,
Twisting with your fingers and legs.
I wanna see you freak out uncontrollable,
And only thinking what the hack.

I don't exactly why,
But I long to see also this of you.
And I won't hide,
That my flaws are not just a few.
Just be, let's see, so together we are free

#life #transparancy

Ceeam Jul 2016

The biodiversity in myself

Biodiversity, an abstract term used in natural science,
Meaning diversity of life in a diversity of places.
Tonight I really feel all the compliance,
With this term occuring in my life in so many cases.

I have both positive and negative associations,
If I relate biodiversity to my own life.
It kind of explains all the complications,
On the road to when and where I thrive.

When I look at myself in the mirror,
I see the diversity in my face.
Both soft like a mother and severe like an emperor,
And my hair looks like it's from another race.

It is curly and it is dark,
While my skin is quite pale.
Blue eyes which sometimes brightly spark,
But other times greyish and frail.

Some moments I feel hyper,
like I'm going to explode.
I talk, walk, jump and stir,
and my brain says 'overload'.

Other moments however I feel calm and peace,
I lay down just quietly watch the sun.
Concentrated on every breath I release,
A warm ambiance like that of a mum.

Some mornings I feel like I'm the sexiest ******* the planet,
I take a red dress and let it slip over my hips.
Walk on 15 cm heels like my feet are made of granite,
And merely hope to use my red coated lips.

Other times even my jogging pants don't seem to fit,
I feel like the uggliest girl in town and only see disgust.
I watch useless YouTube videos infinite,
Because everything else feels like a must.

I can go on with this poem for a long time,
But it makes no sense.
It is just that with this rhyme,
I put on paper the doubts, thoughts and experience.

The biodiversity in me,
I like it and I do not.
But what I more and more see,
Is a swarm of different butterflies rather than an intwined knot.

Life is so **** special,
Intense and deeply exciting.
I think it is crucial,
Not to do too much hiding.

Enjoy the biodiversity in yourself,
Like a beautiful forest on a hill.
So many different species,
Crowded, changing and intertwined, but together, still.

#nature #psychology #findingyourself

Ceeam Jul 2016

A naked child by the sea

I am like a child again,
Beginning my life from scratch.
Evertyhing I build up is gone,
I thought it would still be,
When I came back.

But relationships with friends and lovers,
Are not made of bricks.
They are not solid and treasured like a monument.
They disappear brick by brick,
If they don't receive love and attention.

The only thing I have left is my family,
Because our relationship is in our blood.
It can't go away,
Even if you would want to.

But at the end, this isn't even true.
Houses are being demolished by eart quakes,
Surrounded by ugly highways,
Are replaced by shiny flats.

Family members die,
Move,
Or change so much, the only you can do is break with them.

I am like a child again,
Alone and naked.
Still having to build my own life,
Brick by brick,
Friend by friend,
Till a big waves comes again,
And takes it all away once more,
Or twice,
Or even more.

I think I should become a better builder,
A quicker one, a stronger one.
I have to start loving to build,
Love every brick I add,
Cherish every brick which falls.
And accept the waves of life.
They come and go,
Just like the sea,
Unstoppable,
And yes, sure I can live far from the sea.
But life isn't as good and beautiful inland.

So here I stand,
A naked child,
Who realizes,
The sand castle she just drew,
Is taken by the sea.
She bends down,
And takes the still wet sand in her hands,
And starts building with a smile.

#life #growing #learning

Ceeam Jul 2016

No options left

Travelling is always such an appealing thought,
When I'm in trouble.
Real trouble.
Trouble I really have to deal with.
From which I can't escape inside the national boundaries.

But troubles are sticky,
They follow me.
Come visit me.
In the most unexpected places.
Untill I solve them.

Travelling is the thing I do.
Because I'm not good at solving issues.
I rather run away,
Then stay and face the demons.

I'm now travelling again,
Covered in sticky stuff from the past.
Running away feels less and less as a relief.
The only solution I had is gone.
Life is forcing me to solve stuff,
To change deeply,
To break down,
And rise again.

This is the time,
After so many years,
To break down,
I can do it,
There's no way out.
No stopping,
No running,
No delaying,
The time is now.

#life #pain #travelling