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Mar 17 · 57
ants
CIIR Mar 17
Lift the bricks
Things must be set right
Incompatible orthos
And they bite
Bite and bite
Their duty
Their hardest
Their darnedest
Paid no heed
i complete the resetting
The pain we each feel would scour millions of them
They cannot grasp the true pain
of making oneself the monster
Jan 1 · 65
relapse 2
CIIR Jan 1
Not the love I thought I’d found,
Cycle-trapped, round and round,
Ego revolts against the carbon-
copies scrape my tongue to sharpen
caustic thoughts to burn away my feels
...
I wish to forget this cage again.
Jan 1 · 68
proanti
CIIR Jan 1
All that Natures is not Good
Oft' on minds' lines we've stood
Drawing futures as if we could
Make our pasts more than cindered wood
Question #2223011
Jan 1 · 93
relapse 1
CIIR Jan 1
A Focus whence magic once shone
Rainbow beams from beauties sown
Focus shifted by my play of light
Thence shadows made nurture the blight
I am searching (darkness creeping)
I am searching (drowning, choking)
For what?  For what…?
Distracted by old interests since September, the change of focus from what I valued is undermining something
Dec 2023 · 719
No More Steps for Man
CIIR Dec 2023
Twinkle twinkle little star,
How I hate that you are far.
Like a diamond in the sky,
What regret, I could not fly.
So I sold my soul for wings,
And greet whatever darkness brings...
MS.572 | Nadzyea's words as the Moon is abandoned: she is recalled to the futile needs of a doomed Earth that demands her skills
Dec 2022 · 97
broke my mug
CIIR Dec 2022
Old dreams put away,
thought never to be brought again.
New dreams buoyed up,
with tomorrow's hopes.

New dreams dashed on stone,
on wood or tile or whatelse might.
old dreams brought from dusty cupboards,
drear'd by neglects of time.
CIIR Nov 2022
Unhooks the crook suspending you.
Strings released to throb no more.
Scars, a ruse to twin with the scarrer;
Unwilling to question why they wish to

turn from the chasm, and fill it with refuse.
Shedding off skins for a cushy velour,
surrounding each other with fitful manner
tizzied so terribly at heaping up dues.
Dec 2021 · 180
Inscape; the Climb Down
CIIR Dec 2021
ImagiNation, FantaSea,
All well known by all to be,
places of adventure and fun and whim,
but another lay at the outer rim.
The greatest Nation,
the deepest Sea,
worth nothing against what awaited me.
DreamState it's called,
(So the voices say)
An untamed place,
of monstrous display.

No proof more is needed,
than to flounder in there,
that logic is a system,
not law nor fair.
A system we made,
one that makes sense to our senses,
It works well enough,
When we tend to our fences.

But in there i'm lost,
all my preparations mean naught.
My intentions a joke,
like an insult i'm tossed.

Decades of failure,
every way not mine,
i waste my time,
trying to find
a fix on the inside,
so i'd 'Do Better' without.
But those within,
have greater clout.

i conceit i'm their god,
and in Dreams They revenge;
what could i expect,
when my (e)motions depend
on drugs uncontrolled
by state or by temperance.
to myself I make shackled,
but i shun that remembrance.
Jun 2021 · 98
Some scars
CIIR Jun 2021
do not make us stronger.
A blooming orchid-
I am no longer
-one who strains for the next rung to grasp,
as all those below me dissolve with my past.
The thoughts I've abandoned,
the feelings, I've defiled,
valued nothing in them,
but vital to the child -
I am no longer
-one to respect or hold dear
These cuts so important
That ended me here
"Why do you feel this way..?"
"../Do/ I feel this way?"
Oct 2020 · 686
Pony Show
CIIR Oct 2020
I saw cringe.
You showed honesty.
Hold ideals too fast and
watch the truth get ugly.

Thought I knew
all that I needed,
but with your gentle kindness
something was seeded.

Pony show,
take me home,
to the world,
I belong.
Equestria,
Lunar mama,
guide me home,
Pony show.

Almost perfect,
land of Equines.
From the Crystal Mountains
down into the Badlands.
I feel young there,
younger than my bones,
endless fields of wonder,
tinged with the unknown.

Pony show,
it's my home,
the finest world,
I belong.
Equestria,
Solar mama,
bring me home,
Pony show.

Should I misstep in the dark,
I know they'll catch me,
the loyalist of friends that I could ask for any day.
And when I'm down they all lend me a hoof,
and bring me back again, up smiling, smiling!

Pony show,
it's our home,
it's the world,
we belong.
Equestria,
Twiligh' mama,
we are home,
Pony show.
Sep 2020 · 103
will
CIIR Sep 2020
Wake up and choose
be happy or lose.

Another year of might have beens
Might I just be out of steam
Score and a half of years behind
twice ahead and death is mine

Preserve this body until I lose
the will and mind with which to choose.
Aug 2020 · 92
{ }
CIIR Aug 2020
{ }
Community without continuity.
Friendship without memory.
Drive toward nothing.
Nothing is more important than anything else could be.
A name boasts.
The boast itself, self-defacing.
What is he after?
What is after him?
so great and powerful
Jun 2020 · 107
Family Portrait
CIIR Jun 2020
What ifs
And might have beens
Sap the value from some dreams.
The missing hugs,
The absent laughs,
Tickle feelings long thought past.
The dream goes on,
Along with life,
Though with pain they both are rife.
It's only me,
who can choose,
whether I will win or lose.
May 2020 · 90
Us insans
CIIR May 2020
Told yourself that I was the key.
You would not listen, you would not see.
Truth turned out you were not right for me.
A better you you just could not be.

I know, you thought I was so perfect.
Yet this bond... hurts us both we're just addicts.

We are not good together.
Fighting no matter the weather.
We need to learn to let go of each other,
never were we birds of a feather.
So I'm asking you to let me fly,
without me you aren't gonna to die.
Fix ourselves before we try,
to find another one to confide.
Apr 2020 · 88
False Impostor Syndrome
CIIR Apr 2020
Tear up and wrap it in verse,
Truncate specifics away,
Truth without truth is rehearsed,
To get my emotional way.

No schooling or skill was nurtured:
No talent or passion within.
Near-convinced that the feelings were real;
Needed only some new safety pin.
Feb 2020 · 92
DTE
CIIR Feb 2020
DTE
Rage against the dying, they say...

A lean life of embers.
Dreams made when young,
defiant of things so true.
i wasn't who i thought i was,
so learned the wrong lessons.
And those futures,
were for someone who died long ago.
CIIR Jan 2020
Pepper and salt
truth' s sting
life of spice
Seen on strangers' faces, the ghost I lived with and never knew
I miss you.
We all
miss you.
Dec 2019 · 106
dead
CIIR Dec 2019
Mother Nature gave me what I'd need to succeed.
Father Time insisted it was him I'd have to heed.

But death -our family friend-
has always been my favoured neighbour.
Never made me hate my frame or watch as others wither.

I won't defend what death does,
I won't blame Time instead.
For aches and breaks and shakes and strain,
I prefer what lies ahead.
Dec 2019 · 163
Not one thing
CIIR Dec 2019
An Expiration Date.
Best before
is not worst after.

But mine was 25 years ago.




An Expiration Date.
Mine was 25 years ago.

But best before
is not worst after.
Dec 2019 · 165
Inapt Hurt
CIIR Dec 2019
I became the mask, that day,
to deny I had to heal.
Defied the tropes, and types,
to fall into others' deals.

The mask that am now,
a bloodshield, paper-thin,
stole from everyone...

...their sweetest friend.
Dec 2019 · 122
too obvious
CIIR Dec 2019
There's a time limit on this hourglass figure.
Dec 2019 · 122
Body
CIIR Dec 2019
Tasks of everyday endless needs,
fulfilling small, laborious deeds.
What do I accomplish here in this work,
moving piles and boxes through memories and murk?

Stubborn, I refuse to see the problem in her,
she's a reflection of myself that I try not to stir.
Dec 2019 · 131
Privative
CIIR Dec 2019
It's easier to say what isn't.
Shorter paths make weaker legs.
Dec 2019 · 231
they think you are immortal
CIIR Dec 2019
A star flashes  - -  the void is unchanged
CIIR Nov 2019
Don't scrape my layers.
Don't dig inside.
You’ll find some good,
but I’ll run, and hide.
You'll see the good,
but you’ll want more.
I’m not an idea.
Inside, I'm poor.
Don't dig inside.
My layers are few.

Don't, just don't
let me disappoint you.
It's about what I don't say here.
Nov 2019 · 155
Stage Four
CIIR Nov 2019
Dream big;
Never wake;
Launch fail;
One more cog.
Nov 2019 · 125
W.F.C.
CIIR Nov 2019
I could not be every thing,
So I chose none at all.
I sat outside looking in and cold,
But did not feel sadness’ thrall.
None believed I did not cry,
Bereft of what these choices bring.
Me the locks of life would never hold,
Me the slaveries of life could not call.

— The End —