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BMG Nov 2018
He will never know
He will never make me feel as you did
He will never love me enough
He will never know my soul

I will never be mesmerized by him
I will not love him as much as I once loved you
Because that much love
It no longer resides in me
He will never get to experience it all
I will always have that part of me hidden

He’ll never see my truest smile
Hear my fullest laugh
My eyes will never shine as they did those years ago
He’ll never know your girl

Maybe that’s a good thing
Maybe that’s just fair
Because If he did
If he new that version of me
He’d know what a fraud I was
That in your back pocket
You still carry around my happiness
Every piece of my heart.

Every night my heart breaks for you
No one even knows
The people I know now
They don’t even know you exist
That we existed
The fire we held between us.

How incredible
Incredibly sad  
People in my life
That don’t know you
That never will
They never witnessed our beauty
They never witnessed our fall from grace

You are centuries away
Miles upon miles
Valleys and rivers divide us now
Yet in the middle of the night
I still close my eyes
I pretend I can hear it
Hear your car coming to take me away

I meet you every single night
In my dreams it worked out
In my dreams we found our way back
We always go back to our park
I get the smallest taste of happiness again

Waking up is excruciating
But my heart has come accustomed
I know how to push it down
Shake it off and smile
I know how to put you back in that box
That’s where you stay in the daylight
Wrapped tightly up in the smallest box I could find

That’s how I survive
I survive by settling
My life is good
I have a lot
I am blessed upon blessed
I am the happiest I could be
The absolute happiest I could be
Without you.
BMG Nov 2018
I wonder
What God values more
How we treat others
Or
How we treat ourselves?
BMG Aug 2018
Therapy
Is that all I am?
All I will ever be?
His therapy
Never the one he’ll love
Always the one he’ll run to
Will you ever notice the storm behind my eyes?

The best kind of therapy
Used up but useless
His therapy
Never the one he’ll miss at night
Always the one he’ll “need” come sun light
Will you ever feel this heaviness in my soul?

Destined to never be heard
But always be listening
Everyone’s therapy
Fixing all your problems
Forever your sounding board
Morning, noon or night
You could never be an inconvenience right?

You’ll take all my advice
Soak up every word
Yet you’d drop my heart on to the ground
Walk away
Wipe your hands of the blood
on your ***** jeans
All you’ll ever want from me
Is free therapy
BMG Aug 2018
It consumed my soul,
Every single day
Begun with you
Ended with you
You were so heavy to hold up,
All this disappointment building inside
Why wasn’t I enough?
Why her?
Or her?
Or her?
Each time
I kept the pain to myself
I told you I understood
Mistakes happen right?
You’d never hurt me again?
I still “believed you loved me”
I was so young back then
A fire raged in my heart,
Slowly burning it up
You tore me apart
I let you
Because I actually loved you.
BMG Jul 2018
You won
I’m just his past
I didn’t even know
We were competing
I didn’t know you existed
I didn’t believe
I could ever lose him
That’s what love does
Blinds you
Makes you believe
You’re in the clear
I swore he’d make his way back
Back to me

You got the man I made
How does that feel?
You should have met him before me
Before I guided him to who he is now
I spent years listening to him
Nights upon nights teaching him
Erasing every insecurity he had
You wouldn’t have believed
You won anything at all
If only you would have known
the boy
I loved

You See
I loved him before
Before you
Before he was smarter, wiser
Before he grew that filter on his mouth
I loved him when he was wild
Reckless
Dramatic
I loved him when he thought
The world would end
if we were apart for just one day

Does he love you like that?
Yeah you won
But that’s not the boy I loved.
BMG Jul 2018
I required you to show me
I didn’t know the way
What I couldn’t see
Was your future betray
I was so petrified
I couldn't see just how naive
All emotions magnified
I made myself believe  
Every word you said
But these are just my dreams
Every line unread
Left only with my screams.
BMG Jul 2018
The way you looked at me
That is what I miss the most
Wild and reckless passion
Your eyes were filled with so much love

It didn’t matter
Where we were or
who we were with
The way your green eyes burned me
Always finding a way inside me

I could see every emotion
One glance and I new
Passion
Anger
Love

Even when I made you insane
Maddened with jealousy
Your eyes would betray you
Love filled them when your eyes met mine

Why is it
The older we get
The less passion I see
The less our would thrives off of it

I could lose all memory of you
Grow old with someone else
Spend a life time away from you
Dementia could take over

I know somewhere inside me
I know I’d see your eyes
Forever haunting
Staring at me
My eternal ghost.
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