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 Oct 2017 Elyse Hyland
eileen
now it's all switched around

it was meant for you all along

I said I wasn't going to write
but now I'm sad
and lost

the silk thread we have tied
on our hands
is on tight
pulling us around

we haven't let go
I've had enough

I've never heard silence this loud
it makes me want to crawl
into a hole and hide

I want to forget

I also want to forgive

don't know which you deserve best
He had a voice like death on a ******.
We listened,
Our vision growing unexpectedly blurred
As he scribbled landscapes
On the window, and sang poetry he created by
Twisting  prayer around blasphemy
Around lust around yearning
With  notes whose colors  bled
One into the other
Into the other -

Beseeching, begging, demanding
The scars of our doubts
The armor of our pain.
And when, one day, he shattered the sun
Raining shards of gold flames like shrapnel
Down on the innocent and guilty alike,
We sat in our shiny new darkness
Singing hallelujah, hallelujah
Over and over again
Rocking back and forth
Clutching an old album cover
Like it was the relic of a saint.
The depth of his music was only a small glimpse of the depth of his spirit.
¸.•°”˜ƸӜƷ˜”°•.•.

I have this place where I go
when I need to be all alone.
I call it my place,
a place where the hurts of the world
quiet down and fade away.


I have this place
no one knows about
between a field and a willow tree
along a pastures edge.


A place of beauty, where my fingertips
can paint over all the wrong
and all the pain I feel
in colors bright and cheery.


A creek down around the corner
I go to when
things get oppressive
dark and hard.


It’s a place of peace, where the fears
of my heart slow and still…
A place of calm, where the oceans
of emotions lay at my feet
and weep no more.


And I sit there
I don't know if I meditate
there in this place hidden
but I get peace
I see love I hug this earth.


It’s a place where I can breathe,
where I feel sheltered, protected
from the coldness outside
of my canopy of shade… It’s my place.


They go to their place…..
……they visit very often...


¸.•°”˜ƸӜƷ˜”°•.•.
 Oct 2017 Elyse Hyland
Vale Luna
I think I'm depressed
Maybe I'm just being dramatic
But how am I to tell if depression is this feeling of constant static?
Is this what's got a hold on me?
A grasp on me?
Trying to suffocate the life out of me?!
But just because right now, I can't breathe
Doesn’t mean
Depression is the thing choking me

I might be depressed
But I'm fighting hard to keep it suppressed
What does it feel like?
It feels like pain
It sounds like agony
And it looks like strain
It tastes like my emotions being flushed down the drain
It smells like there’s something rotting inside my brain
A noose around my hope
Locked up with a chain
The throbbing in my head
Is not just a migraine

I think I'm depressed
But what if this is normal?
What if I'm just calling for attention?
An honorable mention
In the mental illness section
Overthinking
What's honestly just sadness
The cause of this madness
So I'm sinking
Drinking in this lie
In a debate against my own mind
Trying to find
The source of this
Should I tell someone?
Or let it be dismissed?
But if I let it go
Will I keep drowning in this abyss?
How will I know
If I can get over this?
Without medication?
Or a therapy session?
Building up my frustration
So tell me this:
Have I lost my foundation?
Is my mind splitting apart?!
Is this just the start?!
Would keeping my mouth shut really be smart?!

I might be depressed
Depression is defined as severe dejection
But what type of severe would put me in that section?
I want to be saved
But my fear is too great
Am I making this up?
Am I sealing this fate?
All these questions seem to be worsening my headache

The thoughts in my mind are a mess
This suffering isn't easy to digest
It feels like there's a weight on my chest
What to do now, I don't know what's best
I'm reluctant to address the rest
The ending now, you could have guessed
I have no words best to express
But I think that I might be depressed.
Dedicated to / written for: Whitehair. Ily girl <3

— The End —