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Blue Flask May 2015
Its much to hot for you here
Im sorry for that
you have to long to wait
till you'll bring back the cold
i love you
there is no doubt there
but i hate you when you leave
take me away
i feel the sun
beating down its hatred
i feel this rough paper
boiling hot in this arid day
i feel my pocket
empty
i cant trust myself with it
not in this heat
i look over this almost stagnent pond
this is what ive become
a wanderless vagabond
never letting go of the past
(she's not coming back)
saying i have to write
these verses that i hate
so i know that someones reading
even if its something
i didnt want to write
Blue Flask Oct 2018
It’s a blank white slate with the entirety of human achievement inside of it
A way to talk to billions, to drown myself in enough entertainment to make me sick
It’s an echo chamber
It’s an echo chamber
Each night I scream into these walls
Beating myself into a vagus nerve induced frenzy
Slap these thighs and pull out wiry hair
Snap my fingers, my rough knuckles dancing as blows rain down
Like so many rainy days locked away
Seething meat blasted into oblivion
Because you have to do it don’t you?
Despite all the words
All the reassurances that you aren’t a liar
You want to do it
You want to think you want to do it
You are so confused
Cut the meat
Punch the beef
It’s an echo chamber
With occasional melodies belting out from underneath the door frame
Little moments when you collapse
No beauty in the death of the ugly ways
A cracked ceramic mask
Made by a kindergartner
Because I never learned how to paint my face
I never learned any language other than man
It’s not a matter of how I feel
It’s a matter of can I always feel this way
It’s a matter of whether or not I’m still riding on the echoes of a voice that only brings to mind the haziest of memories
It’s a matter of who looks back at me in this prison, this room
Who will greet me in my nightmares tonight?
Who will look back at me in the mirror?
When did those stop being two sides of the same coin?
I pound and beat and mash pale flesh against the steamed surface
Please, take me out of this two way hell
This two time place
Blue Flask Jun 2015
A minute away
is all it takes to make me crazy
a minute away
maybe you are out having fun
a room away
i like you all
a room away
take it slow
a campus away
i was never wrong
a campus away
i never wished to be this right
a couch away
you let her control you
a couch away
she wears you like a ring
a  night away
maybe ill tell you tomorrow
a night away
maybe i wont dream about you tonight
so this is the golden years
gilded *******
i hate this fake ****
its too early to fall asleep
and to late to stay awake
Blue Flask Jun 2016
I ******* love you
There, I finally admitted it
And you were to clouded this entire time to realize it
You were always so worried I'd be angry at you
For the things you've done to me
But I ******* love you
The thought of not having you
Never mind being alone
The thought of not having you
Makes me feel something very deep down inside
Something I haven't felt in a very long time
Fear
I'm so ******* afraid that now that I love you
You will shatter my heart
Today is Febuarary 22nd
And wether it's today, or a lifetime from now
You will end up killing me
And I'm sorry I ever trusted you with the one thing
I could ever trust someone with
Blue Flask Mar 2016
Something new in this old heart beating
Passing the test roughed out before
Drunken talks of how it'll all end
Pressing for information in this subtle game
Words carrying all the weight they are supposed to
Something fills this old heart anew
Something not expected to be felt for a long time
Blue Flask Oct 2015
So here I will stand
free but sad until the end of days
Company to my constant companions
Loneliness and Bitterness
Been through so much together
to the end of the earth and back
my laptop is stained with tears
my words with blood
and my mind with a black childhood
so many words
too many words
always read to fast
always heard to slow
Blue Flask Jan 2016
sometimes changing the bed sheets
takes more work
than a year of university
sometimes breathing in air
takes more effort than
holding it together
sometimes being alone
even if its what you need
is harder than being happy
Blue Flask Feb 2015
Every thing we do has an opposite outcome that we push aside to do what we want. Sometimes we can't do what we want. Sometimes we have to swallow our pride and do things that are expected of us. Sometimes we have to give up our dreams of being free so that others can sleep soundly at night. Sometimes we have to make the best out of bad situations. Sometimes we just have hold pillows over our faces so nobody can hear us scream. Sometimes we get into crazy situations that we can all laugh about. Sometimes we get really angry at happy people. Sometimes we are those happy people. Sometimes we stay up to late so we can't think the next day. Sometimes we sleep to much so we can't be aware. Sometimes we feel more alive than ever. Sometimes we forget how to feel at all. Sometimes we forget that not everything is a choice. Sometimes we just need live.
Blue Flask Jan 2016
It's just when you think you've done it
just when you feel you are finally ready
to put down the sad books
the slow melodic songs
the darkness that won't go away
It's right when you find a beacon
and have been using it for a while
That when you get close to it
The beacon turns off
and you don't know how you lasted in the darkness
without that little bit of light
to guide you through

the lights are off
and the city is cold
the bottles are empty
and the people are distant

the comforts of home are a dream
I miss the smell of you
laying in my bed
the thought
of the lines that make up your face
slowly drifting away  

These words are flowing yet again
and this time I know I'm lost in the darkness
moving away from the lake
away from the only lighthouse I've known
Blue Flask Jan 2017
So much fuel for the fire
The entire world is heating up
And everyone you destroy something
You can build it up bigger
(That's why I try and destroy me)
And it will be stronger this time
And maybe it's time for a shift
That so many assasinated people sought after
Maybe it's time for a brotherhood of man
Although I can never let go of my hatred
Or my inability to be in reality
I know some people can
And when I am gone
Shouldn't that be enough?
Blue Flask Jun 2015
I'm afraid you think I've forgotten you
I really am busy
I kinda always planned for this
I should have told you
It's been a while since we've talked
I feel horrible
But of all the things to feel horrible about
This isn't really on the list
And that makes me feel worse
I'm sorry man
I'm so ******* sorry
For Gavin
Blue Flask Mar 2016
On the southern island
He sits on the patio
Drinking his underage beer
Laughing and smiling
Enjoying the party
The stars don't seem very dim down here
He just needs to use the restroom
And with the click of the lock
He fills a few pages from his book
And throws them away immediately
For he cannot stand what he is now
Pulling pills from his precious bottles
Gulping down all he can
He just wants to stop
Blue Flask Mar 2017
fooling around
in the rich heated pool
of your life
vague words
lead to a vague eternity
waiting for the
upper middle class
wannabe rich kids
to get over their horniness
and ******* orer dineer
becuase i am hungry
and i want to be free
and i am free
i want to be happy
and i am happy
and the other side of of giving a ****
is being happy
with the ***** you give
Blue Flask Aug 2015
The hobbling walk back
Killing yourself to be better
More ****** up parts
Than healthy ones
The happy girl in the park
Calling her dog back from the water
The mothers yelling at their kids
My ankle can't support my weight
My body can't handle this
The pressure
The pressure
Getting stronger to become slower
Stronger in body
Stronger in mind
Slower and slower
All for the sake of nothing
Body grows weak
Mind grows tired
Happiness was never anything more
Than a philosophers dream was it?
So as the park roars in its death
Bringing new life to a new land
I'll hobble by
Waiting for the dream to end
Blue Flask Dec 2015
these last couple of days have been hazy
putting in the hours is what I'd like to say
but I think I just needed to let go for awhile
a lot has changed recently
good and bad
not enough has changed it seems
that would make things to easy I suppose
I think I found the key to happiness
and because no one I know reads this
I can speak freely can't I?
Happiness is stoically denying happiness
so you can never feel sad
Joy is the missed opportunities in life
countered by the promised whispers of next time
Depression and ecstasy are two sides to the same coin
the tightening of the chest
the worry about when it will end
the cold feeling that freezes you into place
I'm not sure which is worse
If I have been happy this entire time
Or if I am depressed now
Blue Flask Oct 2015
It was never enough for you was it?
All the time I gave for you to love me
The long nights where whispered in my ear
That it will all be worth it
That you will be happy if I just give you more
More, more, more
You promised it would be worth it all
Time was the price to pay for a brighter tomorrow
On the eves of trials
you told me I was worthless without you
That I was always destined to fail
That I was but a spec in the uncaring god that you were
That you had others, people you didn't hate
But I have to tell you know
I don't need you
My future is mine to decide
for rags or riches
I'm done with you
Blue Flask May 2015
so this is it i suppose
what everything in my life has been leading to
a perfect day
honestly exceeding even my wildest dreams
so why am i still up
at 4 A.M.
thinking about were it all went wrong
i met my future classmates
i was the life of the conversation
every witty comment
thrown in at just the right time
i have girls
plural
that want to talk to me
or at least they seem to want to
so why is it
that when everything is all coming together
im feeling like everything is spiraling out of control
rapidly dying in the new days glow
i close my eyes hoping
against all hope
that those horrid problems from my past
aren't resurfacing
and that im just tired
and i mean it this time
please just let me sleep
Blue Flask Jan 2016
Why is it that when the call ends
my mind is always blank
I can think of a thousand words
I'd like to immortalize you with
Some legacy to leave behind on this rock
But every time I'm close
to finishing the next line
The first line
It never has been good enough
Call me a writer right?
That means nothing to the one
who can't form a sentence of comfort
for fear of the truth falling out
Blue Flask Sep 2015
Let the rain fall in the dry city
Although it never seems to impede the blood that flows
This place is alive
These grounds have a life to them
The whispers of the statues at night
The creaking of the newly planted trees unsure of themselves
The sidewalks, the old buildings, even some of the faculty
they are the most alive parts of this place
The lifeblood left as a memento to the newest generation
At night the campus is alive with stillness
With an overwhelming quietness that ***** you in
At night everyone is gone
And its just you, the rain, and the streetlamps
Blue Flask Aug 2015
Walking the city streets alone
hand in hand with the ghost of the past
this was the spot
where we promised so much to each other
walking on
passing by the statues in the park
seems like they never stop looking
passing by the hospital
where you had to go when you almost died when you were younger
you said so many things to me
to many things
echoes of the past now
my constant companion the ghost of what you were
hand in hand down the empty city streets
its getting colder each day
so this is the price I have to pay
for the sins of my past
Blue Flask Nov 2014
This is an oppressive cold

The cold that bring the dead memories

Or maybe the memories of the dead

Back to life

The kind of cold kings are afraid of

The ones that **** indiscriminately

The grip of the reaper is absolute

And only in his grasp

Do we find what made us happy
Blue Flask Jun 2015
Its slowly growing colder
colder colder colder
middle of summer
cloudy skies are brewing
this is the unnatural cold
the kind not associated with living through death
but by dying through living
this is the cold that wipes out armies
before they even march
this is the cold that princes fear
the cold that only comes from within us
the reaper is watching
he knows we won't last
not in this weather
Blue Flask Aug 2015
I'm a monster
Someone who can't recognize their reflection
I'm a horrible person
Who lies and manipulates everyone
I can't stand being like this
So ******* happy
I'm ruining people's lives
I'm hurting people
And it's the only time I remember feeling happy
So what if yeah deserved it
Who long until the people I hurt don't?
How long until someone innocent falls prey
How long can I keep doing this
Until I destroy myself
Blue Flask Jun 2015
How do you know which you is the real you
that sounds like an odd question
but just assume for a moment
that you have the whole conflicting personalities thing
like me
i think theres three
the crest of the wave
the happy one
the trough of the wave
the one i hate
and the calm water one
the one i always want
so how can you tell which one is the real one?
i sure as hell can't
maybe they all are
even if some hate each other
but thats not important the sky or the earth
did i say three?
my bad
Blue Flask Dec 2016
It's in the way that the misty rain
Extends the glow of the city traffic lights
Red and green in a grand amugulamtion
Holiday music is a sober reminder
Quietly bleating out its message
In a packed car
Pass by the car accidents
And the city life
Hear the whispers of conversation
In sync with the passing lights
No one wants to admit that this is it
This is what we worked so hard for

Does that bitter pill make you feel?
Or are you to caught up in yourself
To realize how far low you've sunk
Will you die choking on your own bitter bile
Spouting you figured it out
Even as your own body betrays you
And the doctor shakes his head
As he had heard it too many time before
Blue Flask Dec 2016
Sulking willows line the drive
Sounds like a great line
For one of those poetic sad stories
And that's the line
Some guys estranged son will say
Pulling into the house after hearing the news
And I could say something about the darkness inside everyone's soul
Or maybe something about how happy endings don't happen often enough
But then I'd be lying
If I didn't tell you that I am nothing
Blue Flask Mar 2016
We all know what I meant
When I whispered into our shared rooms darkness
One drunken spring night
We all knew I meant what I said
I know you'd be sad if I was gone man
But sometimes we gotta get of the train early
Blue Flask Dec 2016
This isn't real
Eyes opening in the dark
Shadows on the cave wall
Showing you silent films
Of how two people
Who constantly hurt eachother
Can still be deeply in love
Or how people
Can just up and end themselves
When they where the happiest they've ever been
How people
Can be so blind
To the things they think are happening
When the fire goes out
And you throw your hand out
To get that reassurance that you are real
In this stunning new darkness
Is to be human
Blue Flask Apr 2017
***** drugs pumped into you
To make you feel filthy things
Flask of cheap liquor
Fill you coat pockets
You pull the coat collar up
On these cold spring days
And walk around the world
And you never leave your little life
Assured in your own ineptitude
You drink and dance
And smile on the floor
As the world shakes around you
(A line used too many times)
You smile at your own effigy
Pleased with what you become
Your feline scowl
Mistaken for pride
As the time burns your likenesses to dust
You are happy you had one in the first place
Blue Flask Feb 2015
A man older than himself
looked out and spotted a young man. Quickly catching up to him, "hark, as you must be prepared to listen," and despite the rash claims of being busy and general feelings of offness, once the man older than himself began his tale, all grew soft.

"We always explored the lake in the winter. Any time it froze even the smallest bit, we'd climb out there. There were 6 of us in all, and we all knew each other in some way outside of such old traditions, but alas, we can always put aside petty fights for the sake of continuity. And so we embarked. 3 young man, braver than a man who only dreams good dreams, and three dames, whose reliability had gotten then through many good years."

"This year was no different. The ice stretched before us. The sun almost touching the horizon. The stars calming faces and the moons omnipresent language would soon be our only guides. All 6, paired in two, knew life. Perhaps this drove them together, perhaps apart. But united as 2, then 6, or 6, then 2, it is impossible to say. Three tents were drawn, twice as many dreams, as we knew not of the wisdom brought from the stars."

"5 sleeping lay, but one that is I, lies outside, reflecting on the events that manifested itself into today. Every year is the promise that it's the last, and as 6 was 5 last year, and those 4 didn't change, we knew that our time on the white lake was finishing thawing.

"But five became six, it did, against all odds, as odd number 5, a tortured soul was he, accepted the moral quandary of solitude, and though it saddened him every day, knew that this was the path that he chose. But as is the way of the last summers of young, 5 became 6, and the broken wounds were healed. 6th was the anomaly, the duo of 5, who was regarded as the other anomaly. But this stigma only drove them together and made 2 stronger than 4."

"The barren sheet lie around him, the 4 with no lights, the 5th a shadow approaching. Words of comfort that only hurt more. It's going to be alright isn't it? The young stars asked, as the old remain silent. The conversation became the lake itself, pocked and marked and slowly dying into new life. And as the sheet gave up its boycott on sound and the sun called back in, the anomalies stood on the shore and said goodbye for the first last time."
Blue Flask May 2015
I wonder why you are the only one
all the other houses are filled with little chirps
but yours, oddly empty
Oh! Of course!
you must be watching the house while she is away
no doubt gathering food
or Oh! Of course!
you must be guarding some young
it is the season after all
lets both try and ignore
your desperate warbling
crying out into the lake for her
and let's both try and ignore
how nakedly exposed
the inside of the house is
Blue Flask Mar 2015
I try to act like my ideal. That guy I want to be in my head. But no one tells that guy that walking along alone hurts more than anything. That not caring about what people think about me makes me care so much more. That now that I have a perfect person to be like, anything less makes me feel worse. My ideal me, what a concept. I wonder if he agonizes over everything his friends say. Does he agonize over being alone? Seeing all his friends start to get into relationships and be happy? Seeing all his friends leave together leaving him to fight university alone? Does he know that that decision was his fault? Does he even care? Why would he. I'm the shadow of a great man, if only in my head.
Blue Flask May 2015
Too many voices
saying notice me
Individualism
Word of the decade
excuse the majority
because they are the majority
excuse the voice of the unseen minority
because they are the majority
excuse everyone
because they aren't like you
live for each other, everyone is equal, excuse me
Blue Flask Apr 2017
Living words were not
Enough to destroy your walls
As we tried to build

Something better than
What we were apart, and now
Drowning in ourselves

We fly towards the
Endless horizon, the void
Claiming our small lives

As we live with what
Our pentinance holds my dear
We cannot go on

As the new day starts
And the moon bids is goodbye
We never knew us
Blue Flask Apr 2017
Rustling winds carry away the blue tide
As you stand on the beach of maturity
Facing the golden sun of happiness
You feel taller than the world
Yet still shorter than the moon
And you walk into the rapidly warming ocean
and look up through the water
and see the sun rapidly approaching
and the only thing stopping you from grabbing it
is yourself
because you are the power
you are the gatekeeper to all
and as the newly sprung life surges around you
you feel at peace
while you drown in the ocean of life
Blue Flask Jul 2015
The sun beats down
On the intrepid pair
The cold air is full blast
Both are exhausted from working
Both still have more to do
But they said they'd help each other
Locked away in a room
Getting to close to each other
Every time they point something out
Yes, yes, they say leaning over
Allowing just a little bit more touch
This is the right answer
And they both calmly sit down
Small snikes hidden
In the folds of the sheets they desperately miss
Blue Flask Jan 2016
Crestfallen snow falling in the city
Giving its life to try and be
The stars they so desperately want to be
Falling to the once again barren ground
Confused why it can't give life
Only take it
They want to be like the stars
We are children of star dust
But the rapidly falling snow
Doesn't understand it's true purpose
Until the grounds rise to accept it
It's only through this cycle of death
That the stars can shine just a little bit brighter
And so when the proud snow collapses in
On its own weight
(Becoming so much like a star)
(Although it won't know this)
The proud snow
Can do its duty with a smile
Blue Flask Aug 2015
You cut out the world
You stopped listening to everyone who cared about you
you became so obsessed with your dream
you made it fail
you had so many opportunities to let them love you
they wanted to
they wanted nothing more than to see you happy
but you dreamt
and you never were all the way here were you?
No, you were always head in the clouds
and now
you are suffering for your own stupidity
I don't even recognize you
Blue Flask Jan 2016
Back from the dream we lived
back into the city
concrete walls rose to meet me
these are my friends
they were that before the dream
weren't they?
back into a world I can no longer recognize
I'm tired already
tired like I was before I slept
I just want to dream again
Blue Flask Oct 2015
Why am I having a breakdown now
I really needed to sleep tonight
I keep on thinking that everyone here
are the nicest people I've ever met
that they actually care about me
un the same minute
i think these people treat me like a piece if ****
That they could care less what happens to me
That if i left they would cheer
**** its hard to right ]
im sobbing
i need help so bad
therapist appointments are to far apart
no help left for those like me
maybe they are being nice
pitying the ******* i am
maybe everyone sees threw me
all the ******* hair-brained schemes
all the lies and manipulations
they see threw it all don't they
they are mocking me behind my back
they are just pretending to care
i know they are
who would ever want to care for a monster
a waste of space
its only a matter of time before i fail out of this program
and dissapoint my parents like i always knew i would
Blue Flask Feb 2016
Hey
I know it hasn't been long since we talked
But Life has been speeding up a lot recently
or maybe its just going the same speed
either way
It was a lot easier with you
and I can't help but feel like I am making you unhappy
and sometimes late at night
I wish that this right now would just end
And I don't know what I mean
Us, the Break, or this Life
sometimes all three
and I am afraid
in the dead of night
that you are to good of a person
and that this break is your way of ending it
and I'll be sitting here in a few months
wondering why I went through all this ******* pain
when I knew how it would end right now
Blue Flask Jul 2015
Let's ignore these things
Let's ignore the people sitting next to each other
(Even though they usually don't)
Let's ignore the people talking in class
Let's ignore the party from last weekend
Where we all got to drunk
Let's ignore our pleas of love to each other
(It's much to early for that)
Let's ignore everything we've said
Let's ignore all the nights spent with each other
So we can work harder
And ignore that these are supposed to be
The times of our lives
Blue Flask Oct 2015
Leaves falling to the ground
Papers falling into the void
I can't remember what they all say
Stories of a life long forgotten
and a future just beginning
shreds of a person
scattered in the wind
sometimes a few of the pieces touch
creating a new story
little bits of an incomplete story
constantly searching for the final pages
The writer just wants the story to end
its gone on to long
far, far to long
Blue Flask Jul 2015
It's getting harder to write
to be not dramatic
to show what I really mean
and not what I want to
I'm sorry for lying
but I just wanted people to read everything
so that maybe they would read the true ones too
Blue Flask Jun 2015
I'm not sure if anyone in this city
maybe this is common in other cities too
when you put your hoody on late at night
feel the slightly biting summer midnight cold
walk through campus, mellowingly meandering
walk through the parking garage
run your skin along the rough concrete
break the musty depression
of the still air in the stiller garage
to enter the outer top floor
let the clouds settle and the moon to become free
in the distance, you can see the fig settle on the mountains
theres such a calming reassurance
in knowing that nature is always just a little jog away
even when surrounded by concrete
even when surrounded by unfamiliarity
you can always breath just a little bit of the sight in
and know that everything might just be okay in the morning
Blue Flask Jun 2015
Its the second long looks that **** me
the wandering eyes in chemistry lecture
we locked eyes for what felt like nothing
it never would be long enough to reassure my mind
its always just enough to cause a panic attack
but never enough to make me stop
randomly
looking around
to just look in your eyes again
and not feel ******* nothing
Blue Flask Jun 2015
When did i first start to like you
we  met at orientation
for such a select program
the best of the state
i thought you not you
i thought you were one of the cool students
the center
but I started talking to you
and you were nice
and then we left each other
then i
I
I
I
contacted you
why I'm not sure
I kinda thought this would happen
but that is for later
it was casual convo
but you were already hurting me as much as everyone else did
that usually takes at least a month
but with you it was so much quicker
I'm not sure why
then we met again in person
I'm too nervous to talk to you for long
so it was infrequent
but then I realized I'm more sociable than you
I really hope thats true
so we slowly started hanging out more
this isn't some ****** love story
you are nervous for exams
I'm not
I'm joking around
because I'm an ******* like that
i say something to you
i just want you to ******* laugh again
and i never thought you'd get angry at me
you said its fine
but now that exams are coming
i cant talk to you until next week
and my ******* problems
wont le me sleep
i keep on thinking of you
Blue Flask Jul 2015
I promised myself I wouldn't do this again
I really did this time
you were different than everyone else
we were friends for what felt like forever
and I kinda fell for you hard
and now everything is just off
everything is put through a new light
and I'm kinda stuck floundering here
because I know what I'm doing is self-destructive
but I really don't know how to feel about any of this
because I am too stunted in experiences
to properly handle things like this
Blue Flask Nov 2015
Worry is the word of the century
I wasn't sure what to expect from this
what to expect from her
but the worry is eating away at me
and late at night its getting harder to fall asleep
pensive words only meant to comfort
being strong for hopefully the right reasons
being there for you when I am gone
these are what I promised you
in that lifetime past
in the new one at last
no one thinks paradise would be hell
until they live it themselves
Blue Flask Nov 2015
Pooling around the incessant wanderer
Too pensive to see the obvious truths
Water flows down the tired temple
The one he abused to meet his ends
A smattering of water on the tile floor
Cold white stones causing steam to come
To come block away the present
Past was a castle in the sky
And the future the unexplored caves
Dreams to those who live life like a coward
A king among Gods
Is an ant among men
When the mad king rebels
Too far gone to know the difference he makes
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