i’m trying hard
to keep it together
desperation is my middle name
restless nights
and hopeless days
i can’t do enough
can’t be enough
to keep up this juggling act
everything is falling apart so spectacularly
a fire of blues and reds and purples
one that only i can see

so i play a little game with myself
let’s see how well i can pretend everything is okay
i’ve gotten good at it recently
as my plans for my future start to crumble in my palms
i can still feign interest over a friend’s passing fling
i’ve even been able to pretend
my self esteem is going up
accepting compliments
even convincing myself i’m not a failure
it’s laughable, really
a ******* like me,
who can’t even keep
her life from falling apart,
finally loving herself?
not gonna happen

so i laugh
and sit
and watch
as everything falls apart

is spontaneous, almost natural
like the crashing waves
strutting their sparkly magic before my eyes

Missing you
is the ocean,
the endless widespread,
conquering one's soul; ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀mine.

These days
I'm sailing this vast ocean to find
the edge of this wilderness

to see you, at last.

people say you die twice.
once, when you stop breathing
twice, when someone says your name
for the last time.

I fall in love with a poet,
and she never stop carving
each letters of my name
Ink seeps from veins and arteries
she pours the warmth of my blood
drawing a line between real and fake

shamelessly, to remember
her name is encapsulated
in eternity, through her words