it's almost as if I'm underwater
glassy eyes, haunted stare
I can't breathe, but I haven't ever
if I could, I wouldn't care

tension and suspension
fear, silence in contention
like atmospheric death
not a single breath

spoken thoughts are now
unspoken words, a bow

what I once felt is gone
that's it. this time you've won.

and i thought i could hold out long enough
to keep you alive

but you're burning me out
and so I will, you

when you're up there
standing, proud
they'll be there too

oh, they'll hear you alright
they'll see you
they'll know you

but in the glare of the spotlight,
remember this:

Make sure they listen.
Make sure they look.
Make them understand.

how vast the ocean
how miniscule a drop
in the endless, rocking
throes of dawns and dusks

how wide the skies
how tiny a bird
wings grabbing nothing
going nowhere

how immense the earth
how silent a tree
swaying, yet rooted
cry their teardrop leaves

how tiny we are,
in the infinite universe

yet how unfathomable
how unending
how beautiful
the depths of our hearts,
limitless as the skies, seas and earth.

the waves roll and crash
and my sandcastle
is gone.

pick up the
shells, sticks
seafoam sickeningly
salty

grain by grain
a new reign sets itself
into the ever-shifting shore

and yet again,
the waves roll and crash
and my sandcastle is gone.

pick up the
shovel, stones
silence so, so
scary

pain by pain
a new dawn, a new day
sets itself into a city of night

and yet again,
the waves roll and crash
and roll,
and crash.

but the day has set,
and the night is still very, so young

like melted wax
in the tub

1. Marinate thoroughly
i soak my fingers
dip them in blood poppies
till they're wrinkled
powdery white

2. Add water
take a deep breath
underwater, take a big
gulp of dead grapes and
melted wax

3. Boil on high heat
swallow bubbles whole
as you bathe in debt

4. Bring to a simmer
i am everywhere but here,
nowhere but there
and the blood poppies
and dead grapes
and melted wax

5. Plate.
head on a silver platter,
i hand myself over and away