You’re always welcomed to ask questions, but the answer?
I don’t think so.
You’re always welcomed  to get angry or frustrated,
but my response?
Is my own.
You’re always welcomed to have an opinion,
but to be shared
It can’t be assumed.
You’re always welcomed  to leave,
but to be chased
isn’t the truth.

When I was younger I thought that I could fly
And  one day I tried
all my dreams came crashing down
along with myself
That was the day I learned
life was a lie.

When they came and took my friend kicking and screaming from his room
they said that he was crazy.                    
I thought to myself
not you too

It’s funny how you can be the villain in your own story,
and still save the day
What would people say
if they knew the truth
if they really new you

When they brought my dad out on a stretcher
into the freezing morning air
My heart died with you
and I thought
not you too

I hold a bottle to the sky
To toast to you
You’ve gone away
Not forever but maybe
Depending on what you believe

I’ll miss you dear
I’ll miss you forever
I’ll keep your picture in my rearview mirror
I’ll always remember you

Your smile left a print
I’ll miss it dear
It made me happy when I was sad
I’ll have to get used to that

The way your car smelled like cigarettes
It was the worst
But it was you
And I will miss it too

I’ll see you see you soon
It’s not goodbye
Or it is
Depending on what you believe

I’ll miss you dear
I’ll miss you forever
I’ll keep your picture in my rearview mirror
I’ll always remember you

It was a slow dance in the dark
That would lead to a broken heart
Though at the moment it was real and pure.

A castle we both built from love
A high you’ve never felt before
And as it crumbled we watched from a far.

We were so alive
We thought we knew it all
But what did we know?
We’re did we go wrong?

It was a slow dance in the dark
That would lead to a broken heart
Though at the moment it was real and pure.

So how can this be?
How did we end up here?
Do we really not get a happy ending?
Do we just walk away?

It was a slow dance in the dark
That would lead to a broken heart
Though at the moment it was real and pure.

Can we have just one more slow dance?
Can we please just go back
To the dark
To one more slow dance.

You hurt me once and I laughed it off
it all a blur
And I shrugged it off
it hurt so much
Was quick like a touch
I made a wish
it was all I had
it was such a rush
the thought that it could come true
but it didn’t. I lost you
that’s just life
it’s filled with consequences
I don’t love you, but when I said it, I meant it
It’s a rush
it’s too much
I can’t take it anymore
When we’re done
Can you let my mother know
That I loved the best that I know how
Everything I’ve ever known
is a lie, is a lie
I can’t let it go
When will we ever know?
it’s too much for me to know
so let it go
The way it always was
that’s just life
there’s nothing we could ever do
it all in the same
I just want you to know
That I love you
I always loved you

Throw me a lifeline.
Show me some mercy.
The Sun is to bright,
and the wind is to loud.
Oh what a whoa is me.

Alone in a world,
So big and so bold.
Where do I belong?
A puzzle piece without a space.
What could all this mean?

Show me a life worth living,
grant me a wish for love.
Tend to my needs like a mother.
While I cry like a child.

What is a life without living?
What could all this mean?
Where do the roads less traveled end?
And is there a place for me?

oh ****, oh ****, oh ****
This wasn’t part of the plan
To fall in love with a narcissist
And be the one who only thinks of themselves

I’m in shock
Shake me off
I need to get back to myself
This really isn’t me
Im a shell of my former self

Oh ****, oh ****, oh ****
Someone wake me
Am I still dreaming?
It’s a joke
But at least the punchline is funny

I showed you mine
And you took it and ran
Past the finish line with my heart in your hand
You showed me yours
that day

Oh ****, oh ****, oh ****
The man on the corner was screaming
“What happened to my country”
As you were saying something cynical
“It’s always been this way.”

The dreams all came here to die
We all make it up as we go along
Waiting for that burning sun to go out
We’ll all have such a good time

We follow the ambulance sirens
Just to see something real
Just adding fuel to the fire
And you asked
How does it make you feel?

Oh ****, oh ****, oh ****
This wasn’t part of the plan

The radio is dead
But the static is calming still
The board games grew old and tired
When you started standing still

You stopped playing games
Started lighting fires
Told one lie as a child
Now you tell more to cover the others
Your a mess
Your a lot
But your never gunna let that bring you down

You tell yourself in a rearview mirror
In a parking lot of a 7-11
All your friends have grown distant
And you feel all alone
But you’ve never been happier

One day your young and fearless  
The next your old and frail
But just think of the stories you will tell
Faking a heart attack
To scare all the nurses
One day they won’t come
When you actually need them too

I keep listening to that voicemail
The one you left before you died
It’s a recorded nightmare
But it’s all you left behind
I play it when I miss you
I play it when I’m bored
I can’t contain it any longer
It makes me kind of sad
And then I listen even more
I don’t know
I guess I just miss you more and more
And when there’s no more tears to cry
I remember you telling me to hold my head up high
But then I listen to the voicemail
And I just die inside
Every time
I’m not alright
But I’ll be ok
Because tomorrows another day
But Ill still miss you anyway
But it’s ok
Because I have your voice forever to replay

As the sky begins to open up above.
Below there lies a girl who’s given up.
She sits on the concrete crying once again.
Her reflection in her tears mirrors back at her.
She asks herself quietly,
What for?

Lessons learned from a past of broken promises.
Beat against her head scratching to be released.
She cries out “daddy why does this keep happening to me?”
Why me?
What for?

Lightning crashes and thunder roars.
She walks the concrete steaming floor.
Her tears blend with the rain dripping down her face.
She asks herself,
What for?
What for?

Your not who you wanted to be
Your not even close
When you look at old photos of yourself you see a ghost

And you haunt your every dream
With doubts and insecurities

You float right through the ceiling
Can’t keep a steady path
Your losing faith in hoping

Stopped wearing that cross around your Neck and you kiss your mother still
You aren’t all that bad my friend

Your not a hero but you ain’t the villain
You want to be free
You want what you can’t get

Just hold on
And take it slow
This ride is almost over

Just a few more steps
You’ll be there
My friend
Hold on to the end

Had a sip of a sour beer at party
started talked down to kids
Made a speech about the future
Passed out in your parents bed

But you swear you wore a crown
And made demands
But those who were there know best
You were a joker in the end

So hold on My friend
Those funerals were reminders
Of where you could have been
Don’t be ashamed

Just hold on
And take it slow
This ride is almost over

Just a few more steps
And you’ll be home
You’ll be there
My friend
Hold on to the end

And you went home for the holiday
Saw an old love
You thought the flam went out so long ago
But it’s smoldering

And you sat on a stoop at your parents house In the early morning we said our peace Told secrets we had buried deep
What a night it was

Just hold on
And take it slow
This ride is almost over

I know you don’t wanna slow down
You reached the limits of this small town

Just a few more steps
And you’ll be home
You’ll be there
Hold on to the end

In a basement apartment
You fester with your demons
Till they tear right through
Been angry for to long
Nothing makes sense anymore
Wide eye expression when you turn on the lights
You keep it dark to hide from the light
Her memory creeps into your mind like poison in the night
It happens every time
Stretching through your veins likes vines
What is the remedy
To heal the enemy
That’s living within you
You’ve seen better days
You weren’t always this way
Is there a cure?
A friend had mentioned religion
Said you should prey to God
But you don’t believe
And you probably never did
Your not the type to be saved
Your mother tried when you were young
To give you faith
But it didn’t stick
It only made you sick
Pushed you in the direction of foul things
What is the remedy
To heal the enemy
That’s living within you
You’ve seen better days
how you’d wish to be
Back there
Back anywhere but here

Well you swallowed your class in that last whiskey glass
As the lights began to rise.
And they’re calling last call
As your calling out
For someone to play your favorite song.
Oh long nights I remember
Most I want to forget
But I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Born in 89
About time I’ve found the time
To witness so much beauty
In the face of another.
Have another glass.
Calm your nerves at last
And try to remember
Where you’ve been and who’ve you loved.
Cause time passes.
Just ask our parents, parents.
Just try to remember the good times.

I come home to an empty apartment
Your not there again
And I’m left with the stars and the moon spinning in my head

I used to love you
Now I hate you
And I don’t remember it happening
But it did

Your not who you said you were
Your a liar
Or I’m a fool
I prefer the former
I’m to selfish myself

I used to walk Side by side with you
Now I feel miles apart
You used to hold a special place in my heart
Now it’s just darkness and pain

I used to love you
Now I hate you
Your a bad memory
I wish that I could forget you
Like you forgot me

I am someone’s son
But know I am more
We are from somewhere and someone.
A life from another
A passing of a torch
A gift from above or something of the sort

You are someone’s daughter
You belong to her
Untill your grown and gone
And she’s left all alone

Some of us never knew our  fathers
Some  of us wish we did
But it doesn’t matter
Maybe it never did.

I am someone’s son
I am someone’s torch
I am am someone’s reason to carry forth
And we go on.

Oh dear look at you
You look like you were just thrown away

Why don’t you go inside and wipe the night from your face

Stumbling In the early morning
Your breath smells of pain

You lay your head against the wall
And bite your lip and grin

You think to yourself
Tonight you have sinned

You don’t wanna be a lady
Your a queen and you don’t need saving

No king can hold you down
There’s only room for one crown

Don’t let them see you cry
They throw you around  

But it makes you feel alive
And isn’t that what it’s all about?

This thing called life

Never made the football team
Because I didn’t try out
I wasn’t entitled to be mean
Doomed to be skinny and lanky
I made friends with the loner crowd
no cheerleader ****** and trophy’s galore
I ponder the decisions that led me to hear
Maybe if I tried out I’d be hosting the Oscars this year
Never got my varsity Jacket
Settled for one in the lost and found
Turns out the kid it belonged to ran away
Found out years later he died from an overdose
Now I’m pushing clocks and throwing back beers with the guys

He had gold  watch
And wedding ring
From a marriage that was over
A few kids
And a life to live

He went to sleep
And never woke up again
And he left behind everything

Just some memories
And a face that gets blurry at times
Photographs and sentimental things
I am always thinking of him

Hey bartender pour another shot
And take me away from here
I could use a little immunity from fear
Some courage to remember
Some will to forgive
It is what it is.

What if you were the skeletons in your own closet
And waiting for someone to come find you and wake you up
But when they do, you wish you could go back
To pretending like everything was fine,
there in the pitch black

You wanna make this work
But it harder then it looks
They don’t tell you this in school
Sometimes I know life seems cruel
But you just be cruel right back
Don’t ever look back

You float together like ghosts
Over the whole **** world
As you watch it burn, you think
But God does this feels like home

A triggered kid in the cross walk
An Altima with a judgmental face behind the steering wheel
Oh to feel like a kid again
To feel rebellious and alive again

To roam this town like a wondering gypsy
Till the shadows danced on the pavement
To be naive to a broken heart
Or to learn how to wield it

You float together like ghosts
Over the whole **** world
As you watch it burn, you think
but God does this feels like home

All spun out
Laying in a field
Playing 90s music on a Fm radio
Staring up at the shapeless clouds
Punching at thoughts I don’t want to think
Nauseous at the thought of 33
Pity party central
Calling all those lost
Join me to bask in horror
Always growing old
Never getting any younger

Fluffy rug
Soaked in wine
Stupid me
Spilled It without thinking
How dumb can I be?
Not a single thought
Or rhythm to why
This place is a media center
Judgment spreads so fast

I feel like I’m an old man
Hunched over with a half smoked cigarette
clutched between my fingers
eyes straight ahead watching reruns of I love Lucy on Tv land at 10:30 on a Tuesday
Then I have an outer body experience
Im floating above my body looking down at this shell of a person
Who is this person I see?
Is it me?
Absolutely frightening
An Alcohol and pity filled sack
“Hey cut him some slack,”
I say to myself
“You don’t know what he’s been through.”
but I do cause it’s me
and it’s sad
cause it’s real
So at least there’s some beauty there

In your own thoughts
It’s predictable
So sad
Look at you your a fool
What a guy
Some would say a tool
But I wouldn’t use that hurtful langue
An acolyte achievement
Be a king
Be what they want you to be
Just be
Drive south until you hit the beach
Sit upon the sand
Take it in
Take a breath
Just be
Maybe jump in the ocean
Feel the rush of cold touch your skin
Let it in
Your a king
Write your own ending
Just be
Played a mix tape you were sent long ago
By a girl from long ago
Made you feel some type of way
So your out in the old town you grew up in
Looking for trouble
Back in New Jersey
Can’t get away from your shadow
it follows you
Let it be
Just be

I miss you most
In a crowded room
I miss the way
Everyone would stare at you

They all wanted to have you
But you were mine
I didn’t know what I had
Till you weren’t mine

Anymore, anymore
It’s a shame
And so sad
To have loved and to not have

Anything to show for it
Your a star
And I didn’t even get your
******* autograph

And I see
From my phone screen
That your married now
At least your dream came true

You dodged a bullet
But the chamber wasn’t loaded
And I got bad aim
And I always wanna pull it

I miss you most
In a crowded room
I hate you most
When I think of you

Im your biggest fan
Your a star
And I didn’t even get your
******* autograph

I’m headed north to Alaska
Haven’t been there in years
To be in the presence of Beauty
But feel ugly inside
It’s a burden masquerading as a gift
And here’s the twist
I don’t know if I hate it

I’m going back to Alaska
Haven’t seen my brother
It’s been years
So much to catch up on
I only fear
It will be gone before I know it
And I’ll be flying home again

I’m on a plane going north again
It’s almost like I’m going home
There is a presence of family
Whatever that even means

The captain says we’re beginning our decent and it all sets in
Im not in Kansas anymore
Im not even in New Jersey
Im in Alaska once again
And it feels like home

It’s almost 11pm and the sun is still up
Im dancing in a circle in the woods
With family and music louder then words
I’m in Alaska
Hey what could be better?

A dark and lonely road
A cars headlights hit the dark like snow
A song you hate but play again and again
No plan or direction just leather in your hand

Just drive
Just drive into the night
Thoughts dancing In your head
You just want to feel alive

Just drive
Leaving all of this behind
Your memories of ghost
Don’t look back if you want to survive

Street lights dancing in your eyes
Like stars hanging from the sky
You just drive
Just drive into the night

Nobody knows where you are
Nobody asked where you were
Nobody seems to care
I know your driving somewhere out there

Flatlining on an incline
A car rolling, in a car crash
Rain pouring, storm overhead
This stories not my own
I am not the one to whom this pain belongs

It’s a sick joke
And this time I’m not the punchline
I’m just here
Flatlining on an incline

I’m alive but I feel dead inside
Like a ghost walking from room to room
I wonder if it’s to soon to assume
That anyone misses me

And just like that
I awake from a dream
Flatlining on an incline
In a hospital bed In New Jersey

She said,
I’ll stop smoking when I’m dead.
I fear all that beauty
went to her head.

She grew up in a small town
In Massachusetts
Always dreamed of the city
And how she would live there.

Those tall buildings
Lights so pretty
They danced above us
You were always good
At making your dreams come true

You said over a cigarette
You know your running away
But you don't know what else to do
I don’t want to keep
Standing here still with you.

If Gods so good
Why is he so good
At ripping your heart
Right out of you?

I started speaking
To my father
He’s been gone too long now
Looking for answers.

Those tall buildings
Lights so pretty
I could taste the liquor on you
You were always good
At making your dreams come true

I took the 161 to the city
The lights they look so pretty
I just wandered around
It ain’t the same without you around

The tide is getting high on the east coast
I feel like I’m drowning
I started drinking more
Somethings can’t be ignored

I heard your living out In Brooklyn
I’m still living here in town
They tore down the old mall
It’s like it was never there

I’d **** to smoke some cigarette
And drink some Jack and cokes
Guess I’ll have to do it by myself
Your to busy dancing under the lights
With someone else

Those tall buildings
Lights so pretty
They danced above us
You were always good
At making your dreams come true

Some kids followed rainbows
I followed the chemtrails
And at the end there was no gold
Just darkness and cold
And a headstone that read
Adolescence was dead.

And in the fall they shipped you out
to boarding school
Just so they could play rich
Every story that they told
Was a lie so you’d grow old
And not question anything.

And in your eyes
I see the chemtrails again
From that day
When you lost your innocence
Staring up into the sky
And you swore you felt alive

Still have the yearbook
where you wrote me that message
Haven’t opened it in years
We haven’t talked since that fight
About the plane ticket and flight
And how this was probably our last night

And in your teary eyes
I see the chemtrails again
From that day
When you lost your innocence
Staring up at the sun
I remember it was fun

I don’t need a reason
I can lose my mind at anytime
This constant needing
For validation
Keeps me alive

And I can feel it
The change in the season
You don’t need a reason
To tell me Im a mess
You could die from this stress

And so it goes
Without consequences
Another broken heart
To add to the wall
They’re only trophies after all

I thought I saw,
My shadow moving on the wall
But Im standing still
I try to keep my cool
Wouldn’t you?

The credits start to roll
On the screen
But I stopped watching long ago
It’s too much like the real world
And it’s scary because it’s true

If You think for yourself
You’ll be locked up In a padded room
They won’t throw away the key
Just dangle it right out of reach
And you’ll still try to reach

You can’t help yourself
You wanna fix them all
But you keep falling apart
I’m the lock and your the key
Right out of reach

I thought I saw,
My shadow moving on the wall
But Im standing still
I try to keep my cool
Wouldn’t you?

It’s always out of reach
That dream I’ve always dreamed
To be somebody else
To be somewhere far away
With anyone who cares

And suddenly there’s a sound
The lights go out and it all goes dark
And then I see it, the picture starts to clear
And I’m where’s I’ve always wanted to be
But I didn’t make a wish

Then I wake up
I’m all alone in my bed
And it’s just another day
But I’m alive
So there’s that

I thought I saw,
My shadow moving on the wall
But Im standing still
I try to keep my cool
But I remembered I’m not cool

Your feet in the sand
Of a beach
on the other side of the world
And I can’t understand
How you made past the front door

Im caught up in the in between
I can’t make it past the start
I don’t even know where that is
It’s something out of a dream

So when the  bc phone doesn’t ring
Im not surprised
I don’t know why
I even have this thing

In a catatonic state
To busy to eat
But so much time on my hands
It’s a wonder I can even speak

Don’t let the monster out
I keep telling myself
Keep it buried deep
But it wants to feed

Don’t let the monster out
Oh what fun we could have
Keep it buried deep
Don’t listen when it speaks

Oh but it’s so convincing
Knows just what to say
I don’t dare to release it
It wants to eat

You smoke menthol
and I don’t
You don’t laugh
but I do
I only just met you
But I feel like Ive always known you
Your not from this part of town
Your not even from this state
And I miss you even when you’ve only gone out of site from my face
But that’s silly you’d say
Because you’ll never feel that way
About me or anyone
It’s you, and your all alone
In the fantasy you see in your head
So we bond while we self medicate
Become who we’ve grown to hate
The mirror ain’t lying
That’s you, you see dying
Wake up from this terrible dream
The mall parking lot
has stretched out and devoured
What’s left of the suburbs
And the people live in towers so high
While you laugh as you cry
Don’t go into the light

Someone told me
it’s the ones you look up to
That will disappoint you the most.
I thought what a ****** mindset
That’s why my hero is myself.
Driving home at the first light
The sunlight washes off the night
And with it all my bad decisions
There’s an Elton John song playing low
Someone said where do we go?
And I laughed and said home.
And they said
We are home.
And that stayed with me for
Every single sunrise
And it came to be
A tradition to remember
And night I wish I could forget
There’s an Elton John song playing low
As my arm hangs from the window
And I’m comforted by the fact
That I’m nobody’s hero.

Knocked out
Fall down
Came from a small town
You never stood a chance

Take a break
Take a knee
How much more could you take?
Could you take me?

School dance
Last chance
To make a move
After high school
There are different rules

Your just trying to survive
Like the rest of us
You ain’t a hero kid
Your just like rest of us

Your gunna grow old
Your gunna get sick
Your gunna die
Your gunna be missed

You want to believe
But you don’t know how
Not when you know
How it all goes down

But you ain’t a hero kid
Don’t be a fool
You can’t win this war
It isn’t in you

Just take a seat
You’ll get you participation trophy
Don’t try to hard
The choice isn’t hard

Don’t make any sudden movements
They will sense your fear
Don’t let them know your weakness
They will tear you to pieces  

Your just trying to survive
Like the rest of us
You ain’t a hero kid
Your just like rest of us

Your gunna grow old
Your gunna get sick
Make jokes of it all
But the punchline is real

You’re not a soldier
Not ready for war
This life is a battlefield
Some friends died long ago

See some new faces
But it never gets old
It’s OK to ask questions
Just do as you’re told

you’re not convinced I’ve changed
I’m not convinced I can
Went to leave a voicemail
It’s been full since Spring

It’s been a year
Since we burned down the house
Lost everything
Except for our self doubt

At least we killed all the ghost
They scared everyone away
A lot like your temper
still haunts me till this day

Said you’d quit drinking
threw all the alcohol out
Caught you the other day
Throwing hand sanitizer down

Pacing in your cage  
Always trying to get out
The door isn’t locked
You just hate going out

I’m not convinced you’ve changed
You’re not convinced you can
Said you were going to get cigarettes
It’s been a year since then

It’s been a year
since it all fell apart
this house is a crime scene
all torn apart

bodies everywhere
like Dahmer, it’s not fair
how can you just move on
while I’m stuck standing still

the doctor said I’m crazy
gave me these tiny pills
said take one once a day
it’s been a year