The burden of reality starts to set in
You start to realize what this has been
You pull the mask off of this fake conciseness

And start to tip toe through this murky **** show
Shadows on the wall start to take shape
Your paranoid agenda starts to shift

Taking aim at all of your bad memories
I wish that I could pick your mind
To see which one of them is of me.

So let go

Cursing the past in whispers and screams
Blaming others instead of  taking the blame
Your sky is getting grey
The sun has gone away
Your finding it gets darker everyday

You pick and analyze
Judge and repeat
Curse and belittle
Your anger is burrowing  deep
I wish you only peace

So let go

Imagine the possibility
Of living life as if it were a dream
And being at peace like it came easily
Dancing through life like you see on tv
No anger or sadness just being happy.
The temptations are real
And so is this life
I hope your realize sooner than not.

So let go

I have not seen the shiny city upon the hill.
I have not dabbled in violent thrills.
I have not gazed upon a setting Sun,
To busy always looking at the ground.
Such beauties have I never known even when in front of me.
What do I make with what is left?
What path do I carve out for myself?
Do I run through the night in the Moons dancing light?
Pray to a mighty God gazing from the sky?
Perhaps sit still in the dark and wait.
Past the city lights out beyond the island,
An ocean so blue and big.
I imagine my thoughts are carried by the wind out to someone else.
I have not found my peace of mind,
Although im not so sure I want to.
This violent life brings violent surprises.
I await for my next.

Do not do it,
Do not let yourself slip.
Under current flows,
Let it be your peace.
Your religious mind,
Has you weak.
Cast your spell,
And try to miss it.
Your soul is bound,
To this unproven lie.
Don’t throw stones,
In this glass house
Just whisper softly,
Don’t bring this house to the ground.
Don’t shatter everything,
Let it be, let it go.
Don’t be the star,
In this reality show.
I’ve seen this ending,
I know the way that it goes.

The cold air presses against my face,
And I feel so alive.
The atmosphere feels so aligned.
I'm surrounded by the ones I love.
This is the the perfect Time.

We only have time to waste.
We only have time to make,
Our greatest dreams come true!

We waste so much time waiting for things to happen for us.
We only have time to make things happen for us.

Time moves so fast.
It's here and then it's gone.
Time is what keeps us grounded.
Keep that in mind.

The time is now.
The time is always.
Like be those who love you.
And never forget.

You’re always welcomed to ask questions, but the answer?
I don’t think so.
You’re always welcomed  to get angry or frustrated,
but my response?
Is my own.
You’re always welcomed to have an opinion,
but to be shared
It can’t be assumed.
You’re always welcomed  to leave,
but to be chased
isn’t the truth.

Met you at the airport, caught the last flight to anywhere.
Caught your smile, made everything feel alright.

I don’t have reason to care about anything.
We don’t need a reason to care about anything.
We just need right now.

Miles away from home.
Together we still feel alone.
But I can always be ok when your by my side.

This life has so many twist and turns, we learn from those that left us burned.
This world is so crazy.

I don’t have reason to care about anything.
We don’t need a reason to care about anything.
We just need right now

When I was younger I thought that I could fly
And  one day I tried
all my dreams came crashing down
along with myself
That was the day I learned
life was a lie.

When they came and took my friend kicking and screaming from his room
they said that he was crazy.                    
I thought to myself
not you too

It’s funny how you can be the villain in your own story,
and still save the day
What would people say
if they knew the truth
if they really new you

When they brought my dad out on a stretcher
into the freezing morning air
My heart died with you
and I thought
not you too

Marshmellow soul
Covered in all the wrong things
Your a nightmare, not a dream
I just thought you’d like to know
That I don’t like you for what you did
Any I’m pretty sure it was my fault anyway
I can hear you say it like it was just today
I’m not alone
But why do I feel like it
Your like a ghost haunting me still
Can’t let it go
It’s clenched in my fist
Crazy Some people never get to feel this
I’m not lost
But I can’t seem to find my way
It’s this place
I grew up in and can’t leave
It’s got me ****** in
I’m a prisoner
I should have listened
When you said I had to run
Far away
I’m starting to think it’s just my fate
It’s crazy some people never get to feel this

Cause and effect,
You live and regret.
You can’t stand to be where you are anymore.
Holding on for dear life,
Almost made it out alive.
But you lost it at the last second,
You gave it up at the bottom.
Its all that you have,
Can’t give anymore.
Your almost dead,
You’re sure.
But you I’ve to see another day,
Yu can’t help but feel you got away.
With your life in one hand,
And in the other a new chance.

It was a slow dance in the dark
That would lead to a broken heart
Though at the moment it was real and pure.

A castle we both built from love
A high you’ve never felt before
And as it crumbled we watched from a far.

We were so alive
We thought we knew it all
But what did we know?
We’re did we go wrong?

It was a slow dance in the dark
That would lead to a broken heart
Though at the moment it was real and pure.

So how can this be?
How did we end up here?
Do we really not get a happy ending?
Do we just walk away?

It was a slow dance in the dark
That would lead to a broken heart
Though at the moment it was real and pure.

Can we have just one more slow dance?
Can we please just go back
To the dark
To one more slow dance.

You hurt me once and I laughed it off
it all a blur
And I shrugged it off
it hurt so much
Was quick like a touch
I made a wish
it was all I had
it was such a rush
the thought that it could come true
but it didn’t. I lost you
that’s just life
it’s filled with consequences
I don’t love you, but when I said it, I meant it
It’s a rush
it’s too much
I can’t take it anymore
When we’re done
Can you let my mother know
That I loved the best that I know how
Everything I’ve ever known
is a lie, is a lie
I can’t let it go
When will we ever know?
it’s too much for me to know
so let it go
The way it always was
that’s just life
there’s nothing we could ever do
it all in the same
I just want you to know
That I love you
I always loved you

The radio is dead
But the static is calming still
The board games grew old and tired
When you started standing still

You stopped playing games
Started lighting fires
Told one lie as a child
Now you tell more to cover the others
Your a mess
Your a lot
But your never gunna let that bring you down

You tell yourself in a rearview mirror
In a parking lot of a 7-11
All your friends have grown distant
And you feel all alone
But you’ve never been happier

One day your young and fearless  
The next your old and frail
But just think of the stories you will tell
Faking a heart attack
To scare all the nurses
One day they won’t come
When you actually need them too

oh ****, oh ****, oh ****
This wasn’t part of the plan
To fall in love with a narcissist
And be the one who only thinks of themselves

I’m in shock
Shake me off
I need to get back to myself
This really isn’t me
Im a shell of my former self

Oh ****, oh ****, oh ****
Someone wake me
Am I still dreaming?
It’s a joke
But at least the punchline is funny

I showed you mine
And you took it and ran
Past the finish line with my heart in your hand
You showed me yours
that day

Oh ****, oh ****, oh ****
The man on the corner was screaming
“What happened to my country”
As you were saying something cynical
“It’s always been this way.”

The dreams all came here to die
We all make it up as we go along
Waiting for that burning sun to go out
We’ll all have such a good time

We follow the ambulance sirens
Just to see something real
Just adding fuel to the fire
And you asked
How does it make you feel?

Oh ****, oh ****, oh ****
This wasn’t part of the plan

I keep listening to that voicemail
The one you left before you died
It’s a recorded nightmare
But it’s all you left behind
I play it when I miss you
I play it when I’m bored
I can’t contain it any longer
It makes me kind of sad
And then I listen even more
I don’t know
I guess I just miss you more and more
And when there’s no more tears to cry
I remember you telling me to hold my head up high
But then I listen to the voicemail
And I just die inside
Every time
I’m not alright
But I’ll be ok
Because tomorrows another day
But Ill still miss you anyway
But it’s ok
Because I have your voice forever to replay

She said,
I’ll stop smoking when I’m dead.
I fear all that beauty
went to her head.

She grew up in a small town
In Massachusetts
Always dreamed of the city
And how she would live there.

Those tall buildings
Lights so pretty
They danced above us
You were always good
At making your dreams come true

You said over a cigarette
You know your running away
But you don't know what else to do
I don’t want to keep
Standing here still with you.

If Gods so good
Why is he so good
At ripping your heart
Right out of you?

I started speaking
To my father
He’s been gone too long now
Looking for answers.

Those tall buildings
Lights so pretty
I could taste the liquor on you
You were always good
At making your dreams come true

I took the 161 to the city
The lights they look so pretty
I just wandered around
It ain’t the same without you around

The tide is getting high on the east coast
I feel like I’m drowning
I started drinking more
Somethings can’t be ignored

I heard your living out In Brooklyn
I’m still living here in town
They tore down the old mall
It’s like it was never there

I’d **** to smoke some cigarette
And drink some Jack and cokes
Guess I’ll have to do it by myself
Your to busy dancing under the lights
With someone else

Those tall buildings
Lights so pretty
They danced above us
You were always good
At making your dreams come true

Throw me a lifeline.
Show me some mercy.
The Sun is to bright,
and the wind is to loud.
Oh what a whoa is me.

Alone in a world,
So big and so bold.
Where do I belong?
A puzzle piece without a space.
What could all this mean?

Show me a life worth living,
grant me a wish for love.
Tend to my needs like a mother.
While I cry like a child.

What is a life without living?
What could all this mean?
Where do the roads less traveled end?
And is there a place for me?

Flatlining on an incline
A car rolling, in a car crash
Rain pouring, storm overhead
This stories not my own
I am not the one to whom this pain belongs

It’s a sick joke
And this time I’m not the punchline
I’m just here
Flatlining on an incline

I’m alive but I feel dead inside
Like a ghost walking from room to room
I wonder if it’s to soon to assume
That anyone misses me

And just like that
I awake from a dream
Flatlining on an incline
In a hospital bed In New Jersey

In a basement apartment
You fester with your demons
Till they tear right through
Been angry for to long
Nothing makes sense anymore
Wide eye expression when you turn on the lights
You keep it dark to hide from the light
Her memory creeps into your mind like poison in the night
It happens every time
Stretching through your veins likes vines
What is the remedy
To heal the enemy
That’s living within you
You’ve seen better days
You weren’t always this way
Is there a cure?
A friend had mentioned religion
Said you should prey to God
But you don’t believe
And you probably never did
Your not the type to be saved
Your mother tried when you were young
To give you faith
But it didn’t stick
It only made you sick
Pushed you in the direction of foul things
What is the remedy
To heal the enemy
That’s living within you
You’ve seen better days
how you’d wish to be
Back there
Back anywhere but here

I miss you most
In a crowded room
I miss the way
Everyone would stare at you

They all wanted to have you
But you were mine
I didn’t know what I had
Till you weren’t mine

Anymore, anymore
It’s a shame
And so sad
To have loved and to not have

Anything to show for it
Your a star
And I didn’t even get your
******* autograph

And I see
From my phone screen
That your married now
At least your dream came true

You dodged a bullet
But the chamber wasn’t loaded
And I got bad aim
And I always wanna pull it

I miss you most
In a crowded room
I hate you most
When I think of you

Im your biggest fan
Your a star
And I didn’t even get your
******* autograph

Close your eyes,
And just let go.
I cannot take this anymore.

I have seen the sunrise in the most beautiful places,
And I have seen it set in the saddest too.
What am I holding on to,
Could it be you?

If it is, I don’t know what for.
This mask is getting heavy.
The weight of all you left behind is dragging,
And I just want to let it go.

So press against the current,
as fast as you can.
The water is rising,
don’t drown in it all.

When the wave  comes crashing down,
And this water wipes away the crown.
that sat a top your guilty head,
You were never the king at all.

Will you repent
Will you say your prayers?
Will you admit theres something else,
Will you remain scared?

I come home to an empty apartment
Your not there again
And I’m left with the stars and the moon spinning in my head

I used to love you
Now I hate you
And I don’t remember it happening
But it did

Your not who you said you were
Your a liar
Or I’m a fool
I prefer the former
I’m to selfish myself

I used to walk Side by side with you
Now I feel miles apart
You used to hold a special place in my heart
Now it’s just darkness and pain

I used to love you
Now I hate you
Your a bad memory
I wish that I could forget you
Like you forgot me

As the sky begins to open up above.
Below there lies a girl who’s given up.
She sits on the concrete crying once again.
Her reflection in her tears mirrors back at her.
She asks herself quietly,
What for?

Lessons learned from a past of broken promises.
Beat against her head scratching to be released.
She cries out “daddy why does this keep happening to me?”
Why me?
What for?

Lightning crashes and thunder roars.
She walks the concrete steaming floor.
Her tears blend with the rain dripping down her face.
She asks herself,
What for?
What for?

What if you were the skeletons in your own closet
And waiting for someone to come find you and wake you up
But when they do, you wish you could go back
To pretending like everything was fine,
there in the pitch black

You wanna make this work
But it harder then it looks
They don’t tell you this in school
Sometimes I know life seems cruel
But you just be cruel right back
Don’t ever look back

You float together like ghosts
Over the whole **** world
As you watch it burn, you think
But God does this feels like home

A triggered kid in the cross walk
An Altima with a judgmental face behind the steering wheel
Oh to feel like a kid again
To feel rebellious and alive again

To roam this town like a wondering gypsy
Till the shadows danced on the pavement
To be naive to a broken heart
Or to learn how to wield it

You float together like ghosts
Over the whole **** world
As you watch it burn, you think
but God does this feels like home

I’m headed north to Alaska
Haven’t been there in years
To be in the presence of Beauty
But feel ugly inside
It’s a burden masquerading as a gift
And here’s the twist
I don’t know if I hate it

I’m going back to Alaska
Haven’t seen my brother
It’s been years
So much to catch up on
I only fear
It will be gone before I know it
And I’ll be flying home again

I’m on a plane going north again
It’s almost like I’m going home
There is a presence of family
Whatever that even means

The captain says we’re beginning our decent and it all sets in
Im not in Kansas anymore
Im not even in New Jersey
Im in Alaska once again
And it feels like home

It’s almost 11pm and the sun is still up
Im dancing in a circle in the woods
With family and music louder then words
I’m in Alaska
Hey what could be better?

Fluffy rug
Soaked in wine
Stupid me
Spilled It without thinking
How dumb can I be?
Not a single thought
Or rhythm to why
This place is a media center
Judgment spreads so fast

Oh, you think you are the hero of the story
I was there, the night you punched  her in the face.
You told her she was boring, and the reason why no one ever sticks around this place.

Oh, they say don’t throw stones in glass houses,
but you never did what you were told.
And if anyone ever asked me, I told them
You were always a good friend to me.

You never went to church
Yeah, you taught me how to curse
You learned to be mean from your father
The therapist asked if you wanted to change,
And you said why bother?

Learned to smoke cigarettes over a pack of menthols
Helped  you get past your parents divorce in the fall.
That one time I got so drunk I couldn’t walk
You helped carry me home that night
And now we only talk sometimes.

Oh, you think that you’re the hero of this story.
I was there the night she told you it was your baby
You cursed at her and called her crazy
She walked home alone that night.

Your never to old to feel regret
That’s the thing, it’s hard to forget
Find Solis in a bottles grasp
A cigarette still makes me think of the past

Few There ain’t no hope left
In this cigarette smoke
Like the D.A.R.E officer said
There ain’t hope in dope

Torn between your Sunday school friends
And the *** heads
You hang out with
On the weekend

Spend your time watching true crime
In a basement your left behind
Everyone moved away
Can’t hold on to today

Forever seems so far away
You’ve loved before
Gave your heart away
Only to have it torn  apart

Your the villain in this story
You played your part
Gambled Away everything
You lost your heart

Your not who you wanted to be
Your not even close
When you look at old photos of yourself you see a ghost

And you haunt your every dream
With doubts and insecurities

You float right through the ceiling
Can’t keep a steady path
Your losing faith in hoping

Stopped wearing that cross around your Neck and you kiss your mother still
You aren’t all that bad my friend

Your not a hero but you ain’t the villain
You want to be free
You want what you can’t get

Just hold on
And take it slow
This ride is almost over

Just a few more steps
You’ll be there
My friend
Hold on to the end

Had a sip of a sour beer at party
started talked down to kids
Made a speech about the future
Passed out in your parents bed

But you swear you wore a crown
And made demands
But those who were there know best
You were a joker in the end

So hold on My friend
Those funerals were reminders
Of where you could have been
Don’t be ashamed

Just hold on
And take it slow
This ride is almost over

Just a few more steps
And you’ll be home
You’ll be there
My friend
Hold on to the end

And you went home for the holiday
Saw an old love
You thought the flam went out so long ago
But it’s smoldering

And you sat on a stoop at your parents house In the early morning we said our peace Told secrets we had buried deep
What a night it was

Just hold on
And take it slow
This ride is almost over

I know you don’t wanna slow down
You reached the limits of this small town

Just a few more steps
And you’ll be home
You’ll be there
Hold on to the end

A dark and lonely road
A cars headlights hit the dark like snow
A song you hate but play again and again
No plan or direction just leather in your hand

Just drive
Just drive into the night
Thoughts dancing In your head
You just want to feel alive

Just drive
Leaving all of this behind
Your memories of ghost
Don’t look back if you want to survive

Street lights dancing in your eyes
Like stars hanging from the sky
You just drive
Just drive into the night

Nobody knows where you are
Nobody asked where you were
Nobody seems to care
I know your driving somewhere out there

Some kids followed rainbows
I followed the chemtrails
And at the end there was no gold
Just darkness and cold
And a headstone that read
Adolescence was dead.

And in the fall they shipped you out
to boarding school
Just so they could play rich
Every story that they told
Was a lie so you’d grow old
And not question anything.

And in your eyes
I see the chemtrails again
From that day
When you lost your innocence
Staring up into the sky
And you swore you felt alive

Still have the yearbook
where you wrote me that message
Haven’t opened it in years
We haven’t talked since that fight
About the plane ticket and flight
And how this was probably our last night

And in your teary eyes
I see the chemtrails again
From that day
When you lost your innocence
Staring up at the sun
I remember it was fun

Who taught you how to ride a bike?
Always an interesting question
And by the way did I mention
The questionnaires at the end of a robo call message?
Anyway was it your dad?
Your mom?
Your step dad?
Your step mom?
Who taught you how to be you?
The shaper of you
Who made you the man you are?
The woman?
The the they/them/ all?
Who showed you how to throw a ball
To drive a car
To have an opinion on war
The director of the show staring you
What’s with the riots?
I’m sorry off track again
Who made you such a liar?
To make believe
To play a friend?
And how it does it really end?
Who taught you how to fall in love?
To treat a lady?
I wonder what they all must think
Those other liars
From another lie
From another place
From another time
Who taught you how how to ride a bike?
They still around?
Are they in your life?

Someone told me
it’s the ones you look up to
That will disappoint you the most.
I thought what a ****** mindset
That’s why my hero is myself.
Driving home at the first light
The sunlight washes off the night
And with it all my bad decisions
There’s an Elton John song playing low
Someone said where do we go?
And I laughed and said home.
And they said
We are home.
And that stayed with me for
Every single sunrise
And it came to be
A tradition to remember
And night I wish I could forget
There’s an Elton John song playing low
As my arm hangs from the window
And I’m comforted by the fact
That I’m nobody’s hero.

Oh dear look at you
You look like you were just thrown away

Why don’t you go inside and wipe the night from your face

Stumbling In the early morning
Your breath smells of pain

You lay your head against the wall
And bite your lip and grin

You think to yourself
Tonight you have sinned

You don’t wanna be a lady
Your a queen and you don’t need saving

No king can hold you down
There’s only room for one crown

Don’t let them see you cry
They throw you around  

But it makes you feel alive
And isn’t that what it’s all about?

This thing called life

You smoke menthol
and I don’t
You don’t laugh
but I do
I only just met you
But I feel like Ive always known you
Your not from this part of town
Your not even from this state
And I miss you even when you’ve only gone out of site from my face
But that’s silly you’d say
Because you’ll never feel that way
About me or anyone
It’s you, and your all alone
In the fantasy you see in your head
So we bond while we self medicate
Become who we’ve grown to hate
The mirror ain’t lying
That’s you, you see dying
Wake up from this terrible dream
The mall parking lot
has stretched out and devoured
What’s left of the suburbs
And the people live in towers so high
While you laugh as you cry
Don’t go into the light

I don’t need a reason
I can lose my mind at anytime
This constant needing
For validation
Keeps me alive

And I can feel it
The change in the season
You don’t need a reason
To tell me Im a mess
You could die from this stress

And so it goes
Without consequences
Another broken heart
To add to the wall
They’re only trophies after all

I thought I saw,
My shadow moving on the wall
But Im standing still
I try to keep my cool
Wouldn’t you?

The credits start to roll
On the screen
But I stopped watching long ago
It’s too much like the real world
And it’s scary because it’s true

If You think for yourself
You’ll be locked up In a padded room
They won’t throw away the key
Just dangle it right out of reach
And you’ll still try to reach

You can’t help yourself
You wanna fix them all
But you keep falling apart
I’m the lock and your the key
Right out of reach

I thought I saw,
My shadow moving on the wall
But Im standing still
I try to keep my cool
Wouldn’t you?

It’s always out of reach
That dream I’ve always dreamed
To be somebody else
To be somewhere far away
With anyone who cares

And suddenly there’s a sound
The lights go out and it all goes dark
And then I see it, the picture starts to clear
And I’m where’s I’ve always wanted to be
But I didn’t make a wish

Then I wake up
I’m all alone in my bed
And it’s just another day
But I’m alive
So there’s that

I thought I saw,
My shadow moving on the wall
But Im standing still
I try to keep my cool
But I remembered I’m not cool

My sister she’s been crying
Sad she’s a single mother
My nephews father he’s not gone
He’s just not around
And I guess she’s just sad
she had to move back to this small town  

What I wouldn’t give
To take her pain away
Take it out back and shoot it
Or light it on fire
And watch it burn up in flames

Either way there’d be a victim
There’s no winners in this game
Love is not for quitters
But we play anyway
Be nice if there were warnings
The bad guys always win
And the good guys always get away

She started smoking cigarettes again
I asked her for a smoke
We ended up talking for hrs
We laughed at how Life's a joke
She asked me if it ever gets better
I said I’ll let you know when I find out

I Said don't hold your breath
Just be happy with the time you get
What’s meant to be will be
And some other inspiring ****
I told her what I thought I’d like to hear

We’re all just living on this earth
Wondering how it will end
Waiting for our time to go
How lucky will the last ones be
To actually be the ones to know

In your own thoughts
It’s predictable
So sad
Look at you your a fool
What a guy
Some would say a tool
But I wouldn’t use that hurtful langue
An acolyte achievement
Be a king
Be what they want you to be
Just be
Drive south until you hit the beach
Sit upon the sand
Take it in
Take a breath
Just be
Maybe jump in the ocean
Feel the rush of cold touch your skin
Let it in
Your a king
Write your own ending
Just be
Played a mix tape you were sent long ago
By a girl from long ago
Made you feel some type of way
So your out in the old town you grew up in
Looking for trouble
Back in New Jersey
Can’t get away from your shadow
it follows you
Let it be
Just be