What was I to you?
A broken toy
You don’t play with anymore
A sad joke
You don’t tell to anyone
You keep me in the dark
A secret,
not even good enough to be told
I hate you
I hate this
But you say you don’t mean it
You won’t do it anymore
But in a week
Your back to being you
You act like your to famous
For me now
But your a nobody just like me
And I can see through all
The bad acting
You like a storm that picked me up
And tore apart my little life
And left me there to pick up all the pieces
A title wave that swept away my soul
And all my love
But you can keep it
I don’t want it anymore
Your a storm
You bring the clouds with you
They hang over head
It’s a dread
It’s so evil
Just like you

Open the door,
Open your mind.
To the thought of,
Everything being a lie.

Take care of you first,
because it may be the last time.
Tell a joke,
That only you will laugh at.

Smoke a pack of cigarettes,
While drinking the best wine.
And laugh until you cry,
For anything at all.

Tell the truth,
No matter who it hurts.
Don’t be a liar,
Thats the worst kind of soul.

Don’t be an actor,
You’re not good at it at all.
You’re a bad liar,
That’s for sure.

Run a red light,
Steal a car.
Start a fire,
In a mall.

Make a mistake,
And make another one.
Drink until you pass out,
Stay sober for a year.

You can do whatever you want,
You’re the boss of yourself.
You can fall in love,
Or break a heart.

You don’t have to decide right now,
But this big old world doesn’t stop turning.
And you’ll have to make your mind up
One day.

On December 20th 2010 my father didn’t wake up. They said it was from a mix of medications he swallowed in the night. I envisioned a child eating candy in the dark hoping their mother wouldn’t find out. This was different. He was taking pain medication from an accident he endured years before and died alone. He had woken up every day prior in pain, and yet he stumbled out into the cruel world, and did his job to make his little money, and carried on with life. That morning when he didn’t wake up my sister found him. The alarm had gone off, and off, and off but he did not wake. She found him all alone. She’ll  carry that until the day she doesn’t wake up.

Knocked out
Fall down
Came from a small town
You never stood a chance

Take a break
Take a knee
How much more could you take?
Could you take me?

School dance
Last chance
To make a move
After high school
There are different rules

Your just trying to survive
Like the rest of us
You ain’t a hero kid
Your just like rest of us

Your gunna grow old
Your gunna get sick
Your gunna die
Your gunna be missed

You want to believe
But you don’t know how
Not when you know
How it all goes down

But you ain’t a hero kid
Don’t be a fool
You can’t win this war
It isn’t in you

Just take a seat
You’ll get you participation trophy
Don’t try to hard
The choice isn’t hard

Don’t make any sudden movements
They will sense your fear
Don’t let them know your weakness
They will tear you to pieces  

Your just trying to survive
Like the rest of us
You ain’t a hero kid
Your just like rest of us

Your gunna grow old
Your gunna get sick
Make jokes of it all
But the punchline is real

Your feet in the sand
Of a beach
on the other side of the world
And I can’t understand
How you made past the front door

Im caught up in the in between
I can’t make it past the start
I don’t even know where that is
It’s something out of a dream

So when the  bc phone doesn’t ring
Im not surprised
I don’t know why
I even have this thing

In a catatonic state
To busy to eat
But so much time on my hands
It’s a wonder I can even speak

Don’t let the monster out
I keep telling myself
Keep it buried deep
But it wants to feed

Don’t let the monster out
Oh what fun we could have
Keep it buried deep
Don’t listen when it speaks

Oh but it’s so convincing
Knows just what to say
I don’t dare to release it
It wants to eat

Well you swallowed your class in that last whiskey glass
As the lights began to rise.
And they’re calling last call
As your calling out
For someone to play your favorite song.
Oh long nights I remember
Most I want to forget
But I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Born in 89
About time I’ve found the time
To witness so much beauty
In the face of another.
Have another glass.
Calm your nerves at last
And try to remember
Where you’ve been and who’ve you loved.
Cause time passes.
Just ask our parents, parents.
Just try to remember the good times.

He had gold  watch
And wedding ring
From a marriage that was over
A few kids
And a life to live

He went to sleep
And never woke up again
And he left behind everything

Just some memories
And a face that gets blurry at times
Photographs and sentimental things
I am always thinking of him

Hey bartender pour another shot
And take me away from here
I could use a little immunity from fear
Some courage to remember
Some will to forgive
It is what it is.

How could we be creators of such great love
And then just let it go?
We should be ashamed
How could we say to each other
That we would never leave
And then one day never speak again
Not even as friends
It’s sad and it’s a shame
To have loved so hard and thrown it all away
Killers of the greatest love the world has ever known
And now it’s like it never even happened
A memory not even good enough to haunt me
And so it stirs above in the stars
With every other love that’s died and been forgotten
A universe of killers of love

It was early November,
When the police chief knocked on your door.
Said they found your son,
Dead in his car.
He died instantly,
Felt no pain.
But you’ll be dealing with the after math,
Way past spring.
There was a half moon above,
As you swallowed the truth.
You would never see him outlive his youth.
And they prayed for him at church,
And they lit candles.
But you didn’t see him laughing in the back.
You want him back,
But there’s no going back.
He’s gone for good.
That half moon came back,
But he was still dead.
And you couldn't deal with it at all.
So you stand at his grave every half moon,
In  a dark cemetery.
And you cry and you scream,
And you curse at God.
But it doesn’t make any difference at all.

I am someone’s son
But know I am more
We are from somewhere and someone.
A life from another
A passing of a torch
A gift from above or something of the sort

You are someone’s daughter
You belong to her
Untill your grown and gone
And she’s left all alone

Some of us never knew our  fathers
Some  of us wish we did
But it doesn’t matter
Maybe it never did.

I am someone’s son
I am someone’s torch
I am am someone’s reason to carry forth
And we go on.

Save my secrets for the trees
your sorries mean nothing to me
Just throw them out the window
Driving fast, have no fear
Crash the car, it’s ok
Buy a new one tomorrow

That’s how you live your life
Selfish, and out of spite
You live like you know they’ll be a tomorrow
Blows my mind
Like you once did

Took a train to the city
To go people watching
Like we once did
Central Park is so pretty this time of year
All alone but I feel so alive
You hated that about me
You just hated life

That’s how you live your life
Angry and out of your mind
You wake up every morning
And you can’t help but complain
And you say if anything else
Its for the fact
That you woke up at all

In the desperate of hours
You creep back to your master
You burrow deep inside his womb
Is it to soon
To start talking facts
You can’t be serious
You can’t be considering this again
You build your walls
But they came crumbling
And your torn apart
But here you stand again
In armor weak
You can’t even speak
Your a mess
But your still breathing
After all the stones thrown
In your direction
You took a bottle and broke it on his head
And he bled
He bled so much
You didn’t know what to do
So much blood it’s like an ocean
Your feet in the sand
You take stand
Your rush towards the door
And to your car
You drive off into the night
You build a wall
You build your walls
You separate yourself from the pain
It’s all a game
It’s all a game
It’s all a game
It’s all a game
You can’t win

Well the bar closes early on Mondays and they want us to leave.
So we stumble out into the night our hearts on our sleeves.
Partners in crime, we rob each other’s hearts.
But like each other’s Robin Hood,  we replace what was hurt.
And bury each other’s sadness deep in the dirt.

You can have my heart if you wanted.
I’d rip it out and happily hand it to you.
You can have my soul if you wanted.
I’d happily die, then live on without you.

The street lights are blinking, as we dance in the street.
No longer the villains of our own story.
We kiss under the street light
Your lips are a treat
A reward for this hell on earth.
I ponder what this life was before you.

You can have my heart if you wanted.
I’d rip it out and happily hand it to you.
You can have my soul if you wanted.
I’d happily die then live on without you.

Your laughing at your own jokes again.
The ride home is your stage, your the audience and comedian.
And I’m just in awe that your coming home with me.
Some say true love doesn’t exist.
But they haven’t bared witness to this.

You can have my heart if you wanted.
I’d rip it out and happily hand it to you.
You can have my soul if you wanted.
I’d happily die, then live on without you.

All spun out
Laying in a field
Playing 90s music on a Fm radio
Staring up at the shapeless clouds
Punching at thoughts I don’t want to think
Nauseous at the thought of 33
Pity party central
Calling all those lost
Join me to bask in horror
Always growing old
Never getting any younger

Driving north
In a Hyundai Santa Fe
It was cold and you had lost your way
Bruce Springsteen played softly
You could make out the words to
I’m on fire

And it fit so well
Like a glove that you found behind the seat
And you pulled your coat close
To hold in the heat
Could see your breath
Could feel your heart beat

And you drive
Like there is no tomorrow
And it feels like there may not be
And you laugh and I smile
Hold your breath
Make it last a while

Driving past the bar we grew up in
Another ghost story to tell
Put your money where you mouth is
Because I’m gunna drink like I’m gunna die
Don’t you lie
You miss this deep inside

And you aren’t even looking out
You lost in the traffic lines
And your focused on what could have been
Sure you’ve sinned
So has everybody else
Your not a hero

And you drive
Like there is no tomorrow
And it feels like there may not be
And you laugh and I smile
Hold your breath
Make it last awhile

Hold my hand out the window
Feel the wind in my fingers
Take a drag of my cigarette
And watch it run out the window
To a far away land
Somewhere out there

And when we reach our destination
Will we say our fake goodbye
And walk away into the unknown
Will we find what we set out to?
You know you think of it
When your driving all alone

And you drive
Like there is no tomorrow
And it feels like there may not be
And you laugh and I smile
Hold your breath
Make it last a while

In what was his fifth cigarette of the night, the boy lit it like clockwork at 11::00pm on the dot. The smoke hovered around his head for a moment before evaporating.    He stared up at the black canvas sky that was empty, besides a few stars that shown through the dark. What a sad sight Indeed.
All the light pollution from the city made it impossible to see barely any stars on any given night. The boy knew this, but was always disappointed still.

   There was no mini mart, just an office with a bathroom and a small heated booth outside with a cash registers and a chair. The gas pumps lay untouched for a few hours now. The gas station was always slow at this time but tonight was especially slow. The boy kept busy by sweeping the ground every now and then.
The station was off the highway near an exit ramp, in an area with few people, and nothing really worth stopping for. It was almost a god send when a car would roll through now and then and get some gas. Even still, no one seemed to be making their way to this station tonight.

   A few hrs had passed and finally the silence was broken around 1:05am when an old black charger came off the exit and rolled into the station. The boy was in his little booth, watching the car slowly pull along side pump number 2. He pulled the sliding door of his booth open and walked up to the car. The driver side window slowly rolled down about half way.
A cloud of cigarettes smoke barreled out and a red ember lit the darkness. A strong smell that reminded the boy of the aftershave his father used to wear hit his nose. A man sat dressed in black and wearing sunglasses. Music played in the background, low enough just to make out something was playing.

Hey.

How you doing tonight sir?

Oh, just fine, just fine. Fill her up Regular.

Ok. Just gotta let you know the credit machine is down. So we can only take cash tonight.

The machine had been broken since the boy got on shift. The guy he took over for said it broke and he didn’t know how to fix it, neither did the boy, but he knew the manger knew how. But he wouldn’t be in until the morning.


Well that’s an inconvenience, don’t you think?

Yeah, I’m sorry but I can’t fix it until my manger comes in, and that won’t be until the morning.

You don’t say?

Yea, I apologize.

What if I don’t got any cash?

I’m sorry but I wouldn’t be able to help you.

   The man in the driver seat stared into the boys eyes. An emptiness exuded from him. He wore glasses and yet they still pierced through him. The smoke hovered around him, almost stagnant and he sat in this cloud of smoke just gazing.
The boy was taken back.
He gathered himself and said again:

If you have cash I can help you, If not I can’t give you any gas.

Yeah, I heard you the first time.

I guess I have to give you cash then, huh?

Yeah, again I’m sorry man.

Don’t be sorry,  not yet. It’s not right yet,
You haven’t earned it.

I’m sorry?

   The boy felt the uneasiness creep through him. He started to get anxious. The emptiness of the station started to feel much larger than before.
  The man in the driver seat sat silent. The low humming of the radio broke through the awkward silence. The music  ate through the tension like white noise. No one was coming anytime soon, it was clear.

You the only one here?

  The boy looked confused and was over the questions.

Yea, I’m working the graveyard shift. You want gas or no?

Don’t be rude. You ain’t got the right.

Listen, if you don’t want gas i don’t know what I can do for you.

You got cigarettes?

Yes.

Oh, so you can help me after all.

If you have cash, yes.

Oh, your really not being helpful. It’s a shame.

I’m sorry. I told you the machine was broken, and I can't fix it without the manager.

Yeah, I heard you.

   The lights buzzed above head. The wind was still. It was as if the driver and the boy were the only one out there, maybe even the only ones left on earth to the boy. Fear ran through him. He kept hoping someone else would come driving down off the exit ramp. He kept looking for head lights, but nothing.
And then like it was never even on, the music stopped. The window rolled all the way down. The man sat in silence, smirking. He ran his hands through his brittle dark brown hair. He turned and looked to the dark to his right. Taking stock, he turned and looked back into the boys eyes.

You believe in fate kid?

Not really.  Do want gas or no?

Forget about the gas.

What do you mean?

It ain’t important anymore. Do you believe in fate, is the question right now.

What do you mean, do you want gas or no?

Don’t worry about the gas I said!
******* it, forget about the gas!
I asked about fate. What do you have to say about fate?
Why is it always about gas with you?
Don’t be a fool kid.
Now I’m trying to help you. If you don’t want my help then hey, just say so.

I don’t want any trouble man.

Fate brought me here kid. So trouble found you whether you wanted it to or not.

Now I’m gunna ask you one more time.
Do you believe in fate?



  The sun was barely up when the manager pulled in off the exit ramp and into the station. He was surprised he didn’t see the boy at first but thought nothing of it. He checked the office but it was empty. The boys car sat where it always did.
He saw nothing that was out of the ordinary. He observed that the cash register had not been touched, and it had appeared as if no one had really come through, which was the case most nights. Everything was how it should have been, except the boy  was nowhere to be found.
He did think to himself it was weird the boy was not there. It was very unlike him to just leave before his shift was over, especially without his car.
Yet he could not be found anywhere near or around the gas station.                                          The manager decided he should call the boys parents. They said they had not seen him, and said he hadn’t come home yet. The manager decided he should call the police.


   The officer stood beneath the station roof. Sunglasses on. Pants pulled up. Badge glistening in the morning sunlight. He was questioning the manger.

Could it have been he just went home?

No sir, I called his parents. They said he hadn’t come home. And even if he did, I don’t think he would leave his car here

Oh. Does he do this normally?

No sir, he’s a pretty reliable kid.

Any signs something could have went wrong? Cameras?

No sir. We don’t have cameras,  never got them installed. It’s just not like him, you see. I’m Just worried is all.

I can understand that. Can’t really do much unless his parents file a missing persons report.

Well he had to have gone somewhere. He couldn’t have vanished. It’s so unlike him.

The manager could tell the officer would be no help. But he could feel it in his gut. The kid woldn’t have just left. Something was wrong.
The officer stood staring at the cloudless sky.
He cleared his throat and rubbed the sweat from his forehead.

You know sometimes people just leave.
Sometimes it’s just fate. It just happens, people just up and decide they want to live a different life. No word to their families or nothing. I’ve seen it before. Maybe this is that?

The manger didn’t respond. He knew that couldn’t have been it. He knew the boy. This wasn’t like him.
What could have happened?
Where did he go?

Another dusk comes
to swallow this world whole
And your left grappling
With whats no more
Turn the tv on and off
It’s always just the same
Someone playing a hero
while the bad guys get away
And you lay there out of body
Out of mind
It helps you pass the time
And when you get lonely
You can just look
Into the mirror
You’ll see a familiar face
He’s always saying leave this place
But you don’t listen
Because you never do
And now your telling
Your regrets to the moon
This place is heavy
Almost to much to bare
Your almost empty
Your fuel lights been on for days
You move forward
Inch by inch
Whatever it takes to drag your body
From this grave
And you look into the purple haze
As the dawn begins to bring a new day

The devil was in the corner
When you said goodbye to your mother.
You thought yourself more heaven,
But it was hell the got you in the end.
You’ll make new friends,
And keep it cool,
Between you and your new friends.
They’ll think you’re cool,
You tell stories of the before.
Make someone laugh,
It will give you credibility.
I’ll write you letters till you’re sick of me..
I’ll wonder do you miss me?
Don’t let go,
There’s someone hanging out on for dear life.
You’re bored of the life you have now.
It was more interesting before.
All the violence,
And bad attitudes.

You’re not a soldier
Not ready for war
This life is a battlefield
Some friends died long ago

See some new faces
But it never gets old
It’s OK to ask questions
Just do as you’re told

you’re not convinced I’ve changed
I’m not convinced I can
Went to leave a voicemail
It’s been full since Spring

It’s been a year
Since we burned down the house
Lost everything
Except for our self doubt

At least we killed all the ghost
They scared everyone away
A lot like your temper
still haunts me till this day

Said you’d quit drinking
threw all the alcohol out
Caught you the other day
Throwing hand sanitizer down

Pacing in your cage  
Always trying to get out
The door isn’t locked
You just hate going out

I’m not convinced you’ve changed
You’re not convinced you can
Said you were going to get cigarettes
It’s been a year since then

It’s been a year
since it all fell apart
this house is a crime scene
all torn apart

bodies everywhere
like Dahmer, it’s not fair
how can you just move on
while I’m stuck standing still

the doctor said I’m crazy
gave me these tiny pills
said take one once a day
it’s been a year

Been dancing by yourself
In the dark
For too long.
Always in a bad space
Head is filled with
Too much sad.
But every now and then
You smile
But you take it back
Like it was a bad word
And you are a child.
I’ve watched you stare
Out into stars
Waiting for someone
To pull you down.
Like your stuck in this world
In a giant waiting room
To be picked
But you just
Sit and wait.
And it’s eating you alive
But your bones are strong you say,
They’re not gunna get you
Not like this.
They had you on suicide watch
Behind glass like an animal
Pacing back and forth
But this ain’t a zoo
It’s your life.
So you keep dancing in the dark
All alone
Like a star of your own show
It’s easy when you know,
This is as good as it gets.

When your near and I stare into your eyes
I wonder
What do you carry with you?
Are these burdens heavy?
Do they weigh you down?
Is that why you feel like an anchor
Stuck in this small town?
You write cute poems in a notebook
Carry it everywhere
Say no one understands you
Do you understand yourself?
I wonder what you carry
And if it’s holding you back
This life is heavy sometimes
You wear it on your back
You said your mother used to hit you
Your father was checked out
And from a young age you were angry
Played the devils hand at every chance.
And you acted like a devil
But said when true evil crossed your path
You felt pity instead of fear
You said you could feel
the baggage on their back.
And I wonder what you carry with you
Does your load haunt your soul
Is the burden heavy
Does it drag you into the undertow?

I’ve never been to California
But I don’t think that I’d like it
I’m the type to second guess
And I don’t think I’d make it
I’m so pessimistic
It eats me alive
But on a good day
I day dream
And It’s not so bad

Sometimes I feel like I’m living in hell
Im burning up
And I'm melting in place
At the same pace since forever
Just have to hope it gets better

Long car rides calm me down
I always say to myself
“This time I won’t come back.”
But I always do
So predictable
Always on cue

Sometimes I feel like I’m living in hell
And then I wake up
They say it’s gets easier
But maybe I’m tired of waiting

Singing along  to New Slang by the Shins
In some girls living room
Sharing the same headphones
I remember thinking
“This is what music should be.”
now we don’t even speak  

Sometimes I feel like I’m living in hell
Im burning up
And I'm melting in place
At the same pace since forever
Just have to hope it gets better

I feel like I’m an old man
Hunched over with a half smoked cigarette
clutched between my fingers
eyes straight ahead watching reruns of I love Lucy on Tv land at 10:30 on a Tuesday
Then I have an outer body experience
Im floating above my body looking down at this shell of a person
Who is this person I see?
Is it me?
Absolutely frightening
An Alcohol and pity filled sack
“Hey cut him some slack,”
I say to myself
“You don’t know what he’s been through.”
but I do cause it’s me
and it’s sad
cause it’s real
So at least there’s some beauty there

I wrote some poetry
but nobody seems to care
I write about all my feelings
And no one wants read it
But I understand
It’s not their responsibility to keep me happy
But it be cool
If someone read what I wrote
And told me how they feel too
I think that would be kind of cool
So just a thought
If you had a thought let me know
And I’ll write it down
Or won’t
It’s up to you
I just want to share my poetry with you

Small town girl,
thought you ruled the world
A pageant queen without a crown
You been around this town
Like a merry go round
But you tell really good jokes
That something to hold on to

Strike a pose
It’s your graduation
You’ve grown up into a fool
Keep the picture to remember
Why no one ***** with you

Built a city
Just to watch it burn
Gave lessons not to learn
Laughed at everybody’s problems
Your anger is your only quality
But it doesn’t bother you

Tell a lie
But the biggest one is you
Brush you off
But you stick like glue
Tell you off
but you seem unfazed
Turn the page but it’s the same story

Strike a pose
It’s your graduation
You’ve grown up into a fool
Keep the picture to remember
Why no one ***** with you

Young fools tiptoe in the dark
The moonlight dancing on their skin
Naked, vulnerable to the night
The stars their only witness

Clothes crashing to the floor
Bare to one another
Shy no more, they embrace
Only but for a second to have a taste

A toe shatters the cool still water
The ripples retreat outward
A night swim commences
Ambitions tossed aside

In this man made body of water
Two souls swim with the devil
Playful splashes give way to passion
A reflection of youth floats away

Never made the football team
Because I didn’t try out
I wasn’t entitled to be mean
Doomed to be skinny and lanky
I made friends with the loner crowd
no cheerleader ****** and trophy’s galore
I ponder the decisions that led me to hear
Maybe if I tried out I’d be hosting the Oscars this year
Never got my varsity Jacket
Settled for one in the lost and found
Turns out the kid it belonged to ran away
Found out years later he died from an overdose
Now I’m pushing clocks and throwing back beers with the guys

Those summer girls
Those moves, those curves
Hot sun beating on their soft sensitive skin
Bikini lines forming, Soaking in
Those summer girl made of sin
Let me in

Those summer girls got a curse
They make you Act different
Have you speak different
They bury your heart in the sand
Like a curse on men

Those summer girls
Cast a spell
If I’m under one how can I tell?
Let me in
I want to know
These summer girls
They have all the control

Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue
But you wouldn’t drive to see me
I should have know
You were a fraud
And you were fooling me the whole time
It took a knife to cut deep enough to know
You were a crime
I committed on myself
It’s all so much
It grows out of my veins and through my mouth
I say the words that break your heart
Every time it’s like a default
And you come back
Like a drug addict
To be torn apart
Like a house in a tornado
You left a message on my phone
I don’t know why
It was full
Like the moon
That I stare at when I’m missing you
I wish you knew
You never will
This life’s a thrill
Your in for the ****
But you couldn’t hurt a butterfly

Your drinking to get better
But you just get sicker
Your not paying attention anymore
To the signs
Your knocking door to door
For some change
When will you change
Your a mess
Your outside the Burger King again
Begging for your life
Your just a kid
Living off someone else’s heart
You did your part
And you got nothing in return
You’ve got so much more to learn
You graduated school
An art degree is cool
Until your starving for some food
You did your part
It didn’t work out
The way you thought it would
She broke your heart
Left you in the dust
Your heart in your hand
Not what you planned
You thought you did enough
You did your part
It wasn’t enough
Now your living in the park
Living off the hearts of strangers
They sympathized
They gave you money
They thought they did their part
It wasn’t enough

These cages are over flown
This rage has no home
It’s just dragged from place to place
And you can see it on each face

They don’t know where they belong
But they go on and on
And they don’t complain at all
And it all just seems so out of control

You gotta find some stability
Im grasping at air
Im pulling out my hair
No escape from what we know

So far it a horror show
We are scared by what we know
There is no calm here anymore
Say goodbye to what you know

If you once believed in love
Just throw that away and push it down
I don’t know why you blame yourself
You were born into this hell

I welcome you to figure it out
We’ve tried and look where we ended up
Just push it down and let it go
Don’t let them tell you what you know

Just push it down and let it go
They can’t tell you who you are
Just push it down and let it go
You aren’t in Kansas anymore

They call you crazy
But your no Ophelia
Just maybe,
This isn’t your first rodeo
And you haven’t learned how to be loved

So they call you crazy
When you act out and yell
Throwing dishes at the wall
They call you beautiful one day
And to much to handle the next

They don’t know you hate it,
When they call you baby
Your not a child anymore
To old for these games
But you play along anyway

You smoke cigarettes,
And you curse
You have ***,
And on occasion,
you’ve broken a few hearts before

But they call you crazy
When you don’t wanna talk anymore
When you lock yourself alone in the room
Where you sleep
And you dream of escaping

But they’d call you crazy
And just maybe your are?
Your crazy,
For doing the same thing over and over again

I was high laying out on the beach,
when a dead body washed ashore.
It was right before dawn,
The sun was peaking out,
into this horror show.
I clenched the sand and buried my hand,
as this lifeless soul laid before me,
like a beached whale.
What a story it will be.
I wrestled with the thought
of taking a selfie.
But my better side won,
Thank god for that.
This body lay next to me.
Golden hair dimmed by the sea.
This woman with no name,
In a bed of sand.
I wanna hold her hand.
As the sun starts to rise,
I can feel the high wear off.
This feels too real to be impaired.
I say a prayer,
And give a hell Mary.
And walk away.

I heard get ****** up then die in a song once and I felt that
It resonated in my soul
Found a home in the streets
Thought that’s where I’d grow old
And truth be told I miss those days
But as life goes you must keep pace
And traced out bodies from chalk
On the sidewalk wash away in the rain
But not this now
But not this anymore
Not this pain
It doesn’t wash away
You can’t just bleach it out
This pain will leave a stain

Little dream
You have died
Gave you a funeral
They buried you.

Some years have passed
I still miss you
Who would have thought?
Not me.

I feel stuck
A string of bad luck
Tripping over my own faults
It’s all to much

I hate you for giving up like a child, with a toy they didn’t want
I hate myself for being so content
I hate this town, I’ve run out places to drive around.

I hate you
And I don’t even know why
You’ve been gone for so long
Like a ghost that haunts me now

I don’t know how
To go on anymore
But I still do
Like a zombie

I hope I bite you
And then you die
And we’re stuck together forever
And I don’t know why

Because I hate you
And always will
I don’t even know why
But I do and always will

Prom queen without a crown
Stuck in a small town
Her dreams got away faster than she could run
Always wondering of what he’s become
She always falling a step behind
Harboring memories of bad times

Someone pulled the switch in her basement
Now her souls gone dark
She needs some light
she needs a fire, burning in her heart.
This ain’t make believe anymore
This is growing up.

Had Big dreams of a city
Saw yourself living there
But there ain’t no skyscrapers you can see from here
the bar gets crowded from time to time
But there ain’t much action there.

You tell yourself it gets better then this
As you knocked another back.
And as it hits your lips it takes you back
To that place and that kiss.
That touch that you miss.

Someone pulled the switch in her basement
Now her souls gone dark
She needs some light
she needs a fire, burning in her heart.
This ain’t make believe anymore
This is growing up.

For the pitiful man who steals a lighter
May he be a hero to another
The prince of sweet Justice
A flicker flame addict
A curse to whoever may show their flame
Give no curse to their name
They are but what you shall become
A lighter thief
No more no less
Just waiting till it’s your chance
To take is your right
your gift
Your crime of passion
No thought to your mind
A lighter thief you were always
Forever and now

Walking drunk down the street
Cigarette in one hand
In the other a tall boy can
Your the flavor of the week
The boys all bow at your feet
Treat you like a god
They prey for your touch
But they don’t need to pray
Your giving it away for free
The moon light shines in your hair
Golden in the night air
Humming your favorite song
Your just drunk enough
To not care at all
Headlights in the far off distance
You wonder where they are
Does anyone care at all
If you just disappeared
Your all done up
But eyes shadows ******
You’ve been crying too much
Let your guard down
Gave your Love to a boy
Guess he wasn’t a man
Walking the streets like a ghost
Your haunted by your own thoughts
Your an Angel in the night
But you don’t believe in God
You’ve got a devil on your shoulder
And he talks too much
The stars are out tonight
They shine bright like a spotlight
You wonder what’s out there
Would anybody care
If you just disappeared
Just walk it off
Go home and sleep it off
In the morning you can start again
Or play pretend
Would anybody care
Do you even care
If you just disappeared

I’ve always had that feeling in my head
That nagging noise that I just can’t seem
To push away
thought I conquered it and made it out

But my thoughts keep tumbling and dancing in my head
I keep tripping and stumbling
In and out of my mind

But I can’t quit kick
That I feel so sick
And these thoughts keep haunting me
I can’t let it be

Because I got a feeling

It’s can’t be me
It’s got to be you
I ain’t the monster in this story
It’s got to be you

Because I got a feeling

It’s not what it seems
This life is a joke
Don’t take it seriously
You won’t make it out alive

Your a god among men
Do you see what you do?
How you self destruct?
Make it about you
I think that you don’t

Because I got a feeling

It’s can’t be me
It’s got to be you
But if your the villain
I’m the hero
And that wouldn’t be true

Because I got a feeling

Had big dreams
They told ya you were crazy
You planted the seeds
But they never got to growing
Just dying weeds

In a small town
They tried to **** your dreams
A wild man they made you seem
I guess you can be considered
Crazy even in your dreams

Bartender raising two kids
Just trying to make ends meet
Wild man giving you a hard time
He just wants a drink
An escape from living on the streets

Everyone tries to ignore him
But he demands attention
Shouts when he speaks
Owner says pay him no mind
He’s been doing this all week

There’s a brush fire
Out on the hill
Started by a wild man
He has some crazy ideals

The smoke sticks to your skin
Ruins everything
Like the pep rally
He would have cheered for the other team
He was in love with the head cheerleader
Married her in his dreams

Went out drinking with the boys
If your gunna do something do it right
He took the car out
Like a wild man into the night

And at the funeral they bowed their heads
The priest says something nice
There’s talks amongst his friends
About a wild man who met his end
He was a wild man until the end

Haven’t seen you writing in a while
Been stuck inside your brain
Painting pictures of your pain
The thing is your not a painter
None of it makes sense

Your supposed to be a writer
You  threw away your pen
Haven’t seen you writing since
Angry for no reason
Shouting at the wall

Started a fire in your apartment
When you set fire to your poems
Fire department said you were lucky
Landlord evicted you
So you live back home with your mom

She tells her friends “your recovering”
They say “from drinking?”
She says, “No, from art.”
Your not yourself anymore
Not without your work

You write from time to time
A word may escape from your mind
Find its way to paper
Only to find itself alone
Thrown away back into the void

Lighting struck the field
And fire started to spread
And everyone ran for the hills

But not you
Not now
You stood like a Queen without a crown

As the winds fanned the flames
The smoke chocked the air
A smile overtook your face

What joy
It brought to you
To watch the world burn

The moon light shined down
And the stars seemed closer then ever
And you stood like a goddess consumed in pleasure

The people doused the flames with water
But in the end it was In vane
The crops had been destroyed

Was this God?
Was this fate?
To you it did not matter.

This is the part where you find yourself
This is life on earth
This is not the end

When the sun finally appeared
There were only ashes
There were only tears

But not you
No fear
You haven’t seen the sky so blue in years

This is the part where you find yourself
This is life on earth
There is nothing else

This is the part where you find yourself
This is life on earth
This is not the end

Took a tumble down a hole
It changed my world
Met my Alice
She was a wonderland
I was a mad hatter
And I lost my mind
But I found it in time
But not in time

We ain’t playing make believe
We ain’t kids
This is the real world
There are consequences
And we all have to live with them

And we start dancing
In a slow dance
And it feels so romantic
Until I remember what you said
And it all just starts pouring into me
This weight so heavy
And I just have to let it go
And speak from my Soul

We ain’t playing make believe
We ain’t kids
This is the real world
There are consequences
And we all have to live with them

You can’t hide away
You can’t shy away
You have to be present
Be here
Be here
Don’t ever leave again

And when the weight feels heavy
Share it with me
I won’t let you sink
Just trust in me
I won’t let you down

We ain’t playing make believe
We ain’t kids
This is the real world
There are consequences
And we all have to live with them

The universe is big
Just like this room
Your on the other end of the bar
Feels like miles apart

This dim light is comforting
The loud noise is deafening
But when I see you
It all goes mute

There is nowhere on earth
That I would rather be then right now
I could not imagine any other way
With any other soul but you
The only thing that’s real is you

This cigarette taste great
Your lips taste better
No amount of alcohol could make you look any better than you do right now

A street light
A crowded street
Your eyes focused on me
The city never sleeps

There is nowhere on earth
That I would rather be then right now
I could not imagine any other way
With any other soul but you
The only thing that’s real is you

I don’t pray
but I would pray for you
Make this last forever
I only want you

I caught fire
You sparked the flame
My heart was the rag
And you were the gasoline

There is nowhere on earth
That I would rather be then right now
I could not imagine any other way
With any other soul but you
The only thing that’s real is you

These cold dark nights
Always end up teaching us things
Like how to fall in love
And what it all could mean

They don’t tell you to watch out for it
And how it sneaks up on you
Sometimes it comes to you as a girl
On the other side of the room

There is nowhere on earth
That I would rather be then right now
I could not imagine any other way
With any other soul but you
The only thing that’s real is you

When your English teacher said you could write they lied.
When they said your work was far beyond those in your class, they meant similar.
All those sleepless nights just to write the perfect sentence, only for them not to acknowledge your plights.
When you wanted great you got good.
When you wanted to excel you floundered below.
To bask in their gaze of approval was your dream.
A nightmare of disapproval was your reality.
In the back of the class you wrote till your fingers went numb.
Juggling words for your poetic symphony circus.
All to be told it wasn't enough.
But you, you had earned this.
This grit and that tough.
A words man found like a diamond in the rough.
In the trenches of your English class.
Your Teacher was lying when they said you weren't good enough.

They told me I have to grow up
as I’m throwing up the night before
all over the floor

Standing there watching the show
like I’m some sideshow freak
no idea the day of the week
or who I am anymore

Heard someone say rehab
so I tried  flying into the sun

Turns out it’s not a small world after all
No matter where you go
you’re past will follow
it’s a hard pill to swallow

They don’t teach you when you’re young the older you get
the easier it is to fake a smile
I stuck around for a while
just to show face  
                
Someone said they loved me
so I tried to run
but I flew too close to the sun

Turns out it’s not a small world after all
No matter where you go past will follow This life can be hard pill to swallow.

Ain’t no more of this sad song
I turned it off.
I’d rather listen to the wind blow
Down a highway with nowhere to go.
It’s always goodbye
I’m looking for some hellos
This place is getting old
I’m just trying to survive it.
It’s a mess,
And at best unhealthy.
It’s a test, I’m set up to fail.
I’ve had better mornings.
Saw sunrises, looked like God.
But today I feel like I’m melting.
Ain’t no cure for being depressed.
It’s a mess
And there was no warning.
This tsunami came and washed away everything.
I’m waiting for the morning,
To assess everything.
Take a breath,
You got so much left.
You’re in the right side of time.
It’s hanging from your wrist.

I call your phone
but you don’t answer
Your out there
dancing in the dark.
And some point in between
Drinking and
playing make believe
I make peace with it all
We’re not kids anymore
We can’t get away with bad words
They stick around
And they sting and sometimes
Make you want to rip out your heart
I left a voicemail once
Silent as the stars above
You didn’t respond anyway
I laugh at it now
When I’m feeling down
It makes me feel better
That it makes no sense
Just something I let
stain the walls of my head
Like a pacing tiger in a cage
I lay in my bed
the ceiling a stage
For the memory of what could have been
No missed calls
Not ever
not even once
The dial tone puts me to sleep
A lullaby of static brings peace
Just one more try before I go to sleep
I’m a glutton for punishment
A problematic trait
That describes me

To all the girls whoever loved me
Just know that you were right
I couldn’t change
Because I didn’t want to
You only get to live one life

It was always real
As ugly as it got
For some it was easy
For others it was not

Tried to make it better
A bandaid doesn’t fix a broken heart
Can’t make it better
I’m not certified in love

The curtains closing slowly
The applauds start to dim
The show for some ended slowly
For some the second act was grim

To all the girls whoever loved me
Just know that you were right
I couldn’t change
Because I didn’t want to
You only get to live one life

I was always empty
I had nothing ever to give
You were sold a bad investment
It was never going to follow through

Your questions may be never answered
If there were any from the start
I know that mine are never ending
But life is like that in the end

To all the girls whoever loved me
I wonder where you are
I wonder if your happy
I hope your where your meant to be

You didn’t know what you were in for
When you made your move
And when it all came unraveled
You felt like you’d been lied to