Time.
Give me piece.
Just feel the falling.
Just to hear the calling.
Just to sense the stalling.
The tolling of bells.
Where we give in to sells.
Let me see.
What it is like.
To be a force.
That is not yet completed.
For no amount of time.
Can fix lost time.
Not one of my rhyme.
Not one sour lime.
So I just tell my story.
From sad, to gory.
I don't deserve glory.
Cause the things I am given now bore me.
So don't give more to me.
Unless it is true,
Not just lore or sympathy.
So come only with heart and soul.
If you could have the need to help.
Then give me sweet call.
A lovable Yelp.
I am joking.
Yet I am not.
So give me what I previously sought.
So I could have a strong distraction from my thought.
And also...a signable direction.
Towards this thing that is called affection.

What's that?
In the distance?
A life?
That's distant.
That's different.
That's dumb.
Existence.
Just finish this.
Where am I?
Why am I here?
Where all I know is to cry...
And also to fear.
Where all I see...
Is the end is near.
Over here,
Over there.
Overgrowth.
Taken unfair.
New.
A smoky rising.
To corrupt the lesser.
New.
A ideal rising.
To corrupt the blesser.
It's not a rue.
There is more than a few.
So call to the angels.
Call to the gods.
Call to whatever,
Even if it's not a facaude.
You see me staring off,
Something in the distance.
The fake ideal,
Of love and praise.
Falling out,
Through the haze.
My ideals and desires,
Floating down.
Paper scraps.
They make me frown.
So what do I see,
Just barely in the distance.
Me.

One problem I have.
That is feature in everyone's minds.
Is how ideas connect.
This is how negatives spread.
Became part of...sensation memory?
Like any sort of tingle,
Pleasing thought...
Immediatley judged and corrupted by my mind.
And for any weird or displeasing thought,
Connected to the strands of my pleasing and positive thought...
Where is the escape from thought?
One solution I need...
How to make sure certain thoughts don't become permanent.
How to block of connections...
Of the thoughts I don't like sent.
Where is the technology and intelligence I was promised?
That could give me the pleasing purity I missed...

Yes.
This is a simple right,
A simple bless.
I cannot understand,
Why some people can't be better.
Be more open.
This makes me redder.
Frustration.
I can't have open mind.
When all my mind does is grind.
So loud it absorbs my life to fixing.
So I judge.
Because I don't have time to learn to not.
So this shall be a tied knot.
Till the rope ends.
Because the mind fraying is not a depended.
It is a for sure until end.
So I don't mean to offend.  
I mean to help.
Not to hurt.
But to lift out of the dirt.
I don't know why I exist, or humans in general.
But I have a few depressing insightful theories.
Nothing is going to overseer me.
And if there is,
It deserves not exist.
For what it has done.
I could give a long list.
But that would result in nothing,
Not even fun.
Weigh my soul by a ton.
Not by guilt.
But by phycological pain.
Don't judge.
Or else you may judge yourself.
I do.

I am ok,
If I stay alone.
More than me is a burden,
Can you tell by my crazy tone?
It's weird...
I force myself to accept that I need nor want anyone.
So...when I am done.
I am by myself.
I am mature...but not mature?
An old soul,
Insightful to weird as mole.
So...I stay,
And say,
Companionship,
With me...
Could not be a relationship.
I could never be a positive in life...
With so many negatives...
Twisted sharp like a knife,
I don't want death.  
I just want entertainment forever.
Immortal, but never to go through a portal.
Only to read and watch.
Alone.
That would be nice.
But here is the splice.
I do...want companionship.
A relationship.
But what girl would ever want me back, and me her.
What guy would ever be friends with me, and me him.
To hangout.
To have the same fun.
Same humor.
None.

Stuck in depression.
That's what they say.
But it's not depression.
It's the thoughts I deal with everyday.
I am not immune.
To hurt and pain.
I wish I was.
No more fear, no more rain.
In my soul,
Where was my purity?
Where was my childhood,
Where was my safety?
I could say save me,
But there is too much to save.
Too strong for me,
The sadness is a rave.
When is there not a negative?
An inappropriate thought?
A confusing thought?
An abusing thought?
Phycological pain.
They say is common.
But I have multiple in one stain.
Anxiety.
Controlling.
OCD.
ADHD.
PTSD.
Depression.
Confusi­on with inapropriate darkness is the makeup of my mind
Please help me.
Is what I hope to say.
But I don't use hope.
Because this I cannot receive today.
Or any other place in my life of which I lay.
I hate trying.
I gave up on crying.
Look up to the Willow, is it spying?
Mentally insane,
Believing in things that only cause pain.
I am insightful, but not mature enough to follow the right lane.
So why mind?
Why can't you find
Kindess to my own soul.
All I can take is a toll.
So I am still stuck.
In a random, just like this poem.
That might hit you like a truck.

So as I said,
That there will never be a day,
Where the darkness will devour me as prey,
I mean to say,
That because the crazy mind in my fray,
I am viewed as an equal,
Undefeatable,
Uncontrollable,
But still invadable.
It can show it's self,
Disturbing and disgusting thoughts,
But the damage,
Is only an effect,
Not an affect.
Does that make sense?
As insensible as the blocking fog I described,
Ocean of craziness in a strong side,
Thought can be sensed,
But cannot sense the blocking,
Surpressing,
Unlike emotions like hope or anger,
Fear or any other familiar stranger,
That can be beaten,
Or turned as an ally,
Or weapon to darkness that lie,
It is only a mental sensation,
That I can use or have any time in the day.
Like the darkness,
Only when it is thought of,
Can it become part temporarily,
In my brain.