My favorite time of the day lately
Is when everyone else in the house is sleeping.
This is my alone time.
Laying in my cocoon of warm blankets
I take in the silence
My mantra ensues

This is my time
And no one can take it from me.

I get lost in daydreams that fade into real dreams.
And as I hit snooze on my alarm the mantra continues

These next 10 minutes are mine and mine alone.
I am safe in my cocoon and I am safe in this room.
Hold on to this feeling of calm.
The day will pass at times constant speed.
No one can change that no matter how it feels.
This is my time
No one can take it from me.

Trapped
Slave to money
Trapped
No time for fun
Trapped
Make that money
Trapped
At least 18 years
Trapped
Self sacrificed
Trapped
For the good of the family
Trapped
Don't know myself
Trapped
Can't feel anymore
Trapped
Can't eat anymore
Trapped
Like I'm in a zoo
Trapped
Can't speak my truth
Trapped
Can't escape my abuse
Trapped
Alone in a crowded room
Trapped
No energy to speak of
Trapped
Gave away all I am
Empty
All that's left.

All my self worth is carried on the backs of others.

What an idea to fathom

That I could carry it myself.

What a task I've burden others.

Would assume the weight if I knew how.

There is a war in me that rages.
To speak up or not speak up
Is always the point of contention.

I do not know when to ask for help
Or even how for that matter
But I'm so tired of feeling alone.

I wish I knew how to pull
The coiled wire from my chest
To alleviate pressure, any pressure.

So I can breath again.

I'm shooting the high horse
So step off
Or go down
Your choice.

2020 the year weather was borderline irrelevant in my world.

At times our conversations feel like they're in a tumble dryer.
Spinning into mindless repetition and progressively heating up.